10 weeks...

Today marks 10 weeks, at least by how the babies were last measuring. I'm not sure if they'll adjust my due date at my next appointment or not.

I've been sick since Saturday thanks to my husband. My chest is really congested, especially at night. It's not fun at all. I'm already up every few hours to pee and now I'm up coughing too.

It would seem that my morning sickness is basically gone. I'm hoping that it's a good sign and not a sign that something is wrong. That is still always in the back of my mind. I'm still always secretly wondering when this is going to be taken away from me. I know all too well that it isn't a "sure" thing. I might feel this way my whole pregnancy, who knows?

Thayer has been taking pretty good care of me. He runs and fetches things when I don't feel like getting up off the couch. He even had a dream last night about the babies. He had a dream we went on a shopping spree for them and bought all kinds of baby things. I thought that was really interesting. I've had a few weird dreams, but none really about the babies. I think Thayer has a better grasp that we're having twins than I do. I still usually refer to them as "baby" and then he corrects me and says "babies."

Symptoms: constipation (still really, really bad), sore nipples, exhaustion

Baby Bump??
Thayer has decided my belly is poking out more. I came home from work yesterday and he poked me (gently) and said, "They're showing." lol thanks hunny... how nice. I just feel like a fat balloon. Here's a comparison pic. One from 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and one from today... what do y'all think?

Left side 8 1/2 weeks and Right side was today, 10 weeks.

Nope

Well I'm finally joining the land of the living again. lol I have been going around and around with AT&T for the last 2+ weeks about getting DSL service at our new place. I would just like to say they have the worst customer service I have ever encountered and if we had ANY other choice for internet service we would be switching to them in a heartbeat.

Now, on to other business. I started my period on Saturday, June 2nd. I'm currently on CD11. I don't really have any explanation for last month. I don't know why my progesterone was so high and caused all of the "pregnancy" like symptoms. I will probably never know. At this point, Thayer and I have decided to let whatever happen, happen. We aren't trying, but we aren't preventing either. I guess I'm okay with that. I just get so tired of getting my hopes up for no reason. I'm pretty much sure at this point that it will never be my turn. June 5th was our THREE year trying to conceive anniversary. In our 3 years of trying I know people that have had 2 children and they started trying AFTER we did. Life inherently sucks and is beyond unfair.

Right after moving down here to Missouri, I got really sick and had to go to the ER. It was really scary for me. I thought I had really hurt/damaged my neck. Instead, I found out that I had a really nasty viral infection that affected my muscle coordination, balance, equilibrium, and muscle strength. I'm almost back to my normal self, but at the height of my illness I couldn't even walk to the bathroom by myself. I couldn't hold a water bottle up and drink out of it. I was almost like a stroke patient. It all scared the hell out of me. I was so worried that I would end up stuck that way for the rest of my life. I spent 14 hours up and the ER. I'm so glad that I'm on the mend now. It really put a damper in getting everything in the house set up after the move. There are still boxes in the garage that need to be unpacked, but I'm really just taking it slow and one day at at time. It took nearly 4 days for my fever to break with the infection and I still feel pretty weak and tired at times.

Also, in other news.... I HIT MY WEIGHTLOSS GOAL!!!!!!!!

ADDITIONALLY, I PASSED MY GOAL AND HAVE NOW LOST 100 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nausea, Hot Flashes, Fatigue... OH MY!

Well I'm just getting ready to take another 100mg of Clomid (yay... not). I feel so sick already. Work is going to be brutal tomorrow. Yesterday I was a raging bitch. I will even admit it. I was horrible, and Thayer put up with me. He HATES when I'm on Clomid because I go from happy and laughing one minute to ripping his face apart the next. Everything is heightened. Today I wasn't a raging bitch... I was just whiny and emotional. I cried a couple of times. Once was because I wanted to cuddle and Thayer didn't. Another was over something stupid.

I did do something funny though. I made Thayer take a vitamin. I figured if I have to pop all these pills to try and get pregnant he might as well have to take something as well to increase his sperm production and increase their motility. So... he's taking a multi-vitamin. Vitamins C, E, and B12 are all thought to help increase sperm count as are Selenium, Zinc, and carnitine.  His multi-vitamin has all of them in it! Yay for more sperm! Also, Thayer is now banned from taking long, hot baths until after I have ovulated. Just like hot tubs, long hot baths can kill swimmers because they get overheated. ...

Sorry if all this is TMI about my husband's junk... Remember I'm Crazy Clomid lady and I don't care what you think right now... bwahahaha!

Now if only the Clomid will help my body do it's job.

A Hot Mess *semi-graphic - you are warned*

Today I am a hot mess. I woke up sick as a dog. I got an appt. downtown with convienent care. I'm now on an anti-biotic and cough syrup with codine. Hopefully this respiratory infection gets better soon. While I was in town at the doctor I started cramping really bad. I hadn't cramped in a few days and the bleeding had all but stopped so I thought this whole miscarriage thing was coming to an end. The cramping and bleeding got pretty bad by the time I made it home after going by the lab to have my HCG level checked one last time. When I got home I laid down on the couch. I was in so much pain that I could barely breathe. I was miserable. I got up and went upstairs thinking that taking a shower and letting the warm water run over my back would help the cramping and that the steam would help my breathing. The cramping only got worse when I got upstairs. I sat down on the potty... things just felt wrong. After sitting there for a few minutes I finally passed the baby. I thought I had already passed it, seeing as this whole thing started 2 weeks ago and on the 17th I passed what I thought was the baby. I guess that was just a small clot, this was a lot bigger and I could tell looking at it that it wasn't just a clot, that it was something different and more than that. The cramping has subsided a lot since I passed the baby. I'm glad that there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. Today I feel like a mess. I just want to feel better. I want to put this behind me. I want to move on. I don't want to cry anymore.

rawr rawr rawr

So... it is the last day of January... and I have 4 more days until I can test. lol Yes, I'm keeping a countdown. I can't help it. I really don't think I am. I'm pretty sure, at this point, I'm not. I have no symptoms at all. Yeah it's sad and depressing. Frankly, it really really sucks.

On another note... I'm sick... again. It sucks. At least I will have a killer immune system after working at the CDC. The doctor doesn't want me to go back to work until Wednesday because my bronchitis was so bad that it was close to turning into pnemonia. I have anti-biotics and 2 cough medicines (that I can't take because I might, emphasis on might, be pregnant). The dogs have done a good job taking care of me while I've been home and keeping me company. Thayer has also helped me when he could and was home.

School has started again, and it has been rough this semester so far. Going to school full time, working full time, and scheduling my fertility treatments has been a little difficult. I'm glad that work has been, for the most part, understanding. They weren't happy with me the other day because I couldn't get my Hepititis A, Hepititis B, and Varicella immunizations because I *might* be pregnant. I have to go see the doctor and get a waver. Oh well, I guess they will get over it. The health of my potential child is way more important.

The Plague!

So... I seem to have gotten sick. One week of working at the CDC and the little buggers make me ill! lol. It's not their fault though. It amazes me how many parents bring their children to daycare knowing that they are sick. Actually, it makes me really sad. I know parents have jobs, they need to work... blah blah blah. We have parents that are single parents and are enlisted in the AF. I get it... I really do... but where do you draw the line? It looks like I'll have to call in... well make that Thayer will have to call in for me because my voice resembles that of a mouse caught in a trap. I sound awful! I have yellow and green stuff coming from my respitory system. mmm doesn't that sound yummy? So I guess I'll be going to the doctor tomorrow instead of work! Oh... and to top it off I also get to pee on a stick tomorrow and see if I'm pregnant. More than likely it is a big fat negative. Then I get to start my Provera. Ok... so I'mma gonna quit typing now. The medicine is making me cooky!