Nope

Well I'm finally joining the land of the living again. lol I have been going around and around with AT&T for the last 2+ weeks about getting DSL service at our new place. I would just like to say they have the worst customer service I have ever encountered and if we had ANY other choice for internet service we would be switching to them in a heartbeat.

Now, on to other business. I started my period on Saturday, June 2nd. I'm currently on CD11. I don't really have any explanation for last month. I don't know why my progesterone was so high and caused all of the "pregnancy" like symptoms. I will probably never know. At this point, Thayer and I have decided to let whatever happen, happen. We aren't trying, but we aren't preventing either. I guess I'm okay with that. I just get so tired of getting my hopes up for no reason. I'm pretty much sure at this point that it will never be my turn. June 5th was our THREE year trying to conceive anniversary. In our 3 years of trying I know people that have had 2 children and they started trying AFTER we did. Life inherently sucks and is beyond unfair.

Right after moving down here to Missouri, I got really sick and had to go to the ER. It was really scary for me. I thought I had really hurt/damaged my neck. Instead, I found out that I had a really nasty viral infection that affected my muscle coordination, balance, equilibrium, and muscle strength. I'm almost back to my normal self, but at the height of my illness I couldn't even walk to the bathroom by myself. I couldn't hold a water bottle up and drink out of it. I was almost like a stroke patient. It all scared the hell out of me. I was so worried that I would end up stuck that way for the rest of my life. I spent 14 hours up and the ER. I'm so glad that I'm on the mend now. It really put a damper in getting everything in the house set up after the move. There are still boxes in the garage that need to be unpacked, but I'm really just taking it slow and one day at at time. It took nearly 4 days for my fever to break with the infection and I still feel pretty weak and tired at times.

Also, in other news.... I HIT MY WEIGHTLOSS GOAL!!!!!!!!

ADDITIONALLY, I PASSED MY GOAL AND HAVE NOW LOST 100 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fierce Ovulation

Boy, my ovaries are kicking my butt this month. It feels like I'm being stabbed repeatedly with an ice pick. No bueno... but I guess I really can't complain since it means they're working all on their own! Thayer and I were off on our timing again this month. I ovulated on CD 17 and it threw me off a little with counting. Oh well... what happens, happens. I'm done planning and trying to figure things out because it always goes wrong anyway. I make plans and something always throws them off. From now on I think I will just wing it. Hell... what more could get messed up? We will know one way or the other around the 3rd unless AF rears her ugly head earlier.

A few days ago I had a little scare and I'm debating whether I should see my doctor or not. I had a hypoglycemic episode. I had all the symptoms around 2am. I went downstairs and ended up drinking some juice and eating a cheese stick and felt better in about 10 minutes. Also, it seems like a lot of times after I eat I get really fatigued and just feel like sleeping. I'm not really sure what is going on. At first I thought I might be low on some vitamins so I started really watching what I was consuming and up-ed the amount of vitamin supplements I was taking, but that doesn't really seem to be helping. I could be anemic or maybe I am having problems with my blood sugars.

It looks like I'm on track to graduate with my Master's in December. Right now it looks like I will be completing it in either Nixa or Republic since Springfield Public Schools are a bunch of jerkfaces. I'm glad that I will be able to finish. It's later than I had planned (thank you USAF), but at least I will have a chance to find a job this spring as a teacher and get everything settled.

I also just got the call that we were approved to rent the house we wanted in Republic. We will be moving in on June 1st. The house is only about 2 years old and is really nice. I'm excited to have a place of my own again and get all my stuff back. It's a 2 bedroom, 2 bath home. That's big enough for Thayer and I.

Chaos Reigns!

So I have completed yet another semester of Grad school. I officially have one semester left. Unless I really bomb my finally projects I will still keep my 4.0. I already have my final grade in my Intro to ASD class and I got a 100% :) I earned 210/210 points for the class! :) I'm super happy about that considering everything that went on this semester. The entire time I've been in school things just seem like they are trying to throw me for a loop. A lot of chaos has happened while I've been working on my Master's, but I have still managed to keep a 4.0 GPA. Last spring it was the pregnancy and miscarriage and this spring it was moving half way across the country and Thayer getting out of the military. It's been a crazy couple of years to say the least.
I can't wait to graduate in December. I'm still working on getting my internship set up down in Springfield, but I have faith that it will all work out in the end. I'm going to call the director of special edcuation at the Springfield Public Schools in the next couple of days to make sure that they received all of my information. I'm doing everything I can to try and set this up. It's not fun having to do all this on my own. It was much easier when they set it up for me when I was working on my Bachelor's degree.

I've also started seriously house hunting down in Springfield. I'm ready to have my own house again and have my stuff! I'm finding some good deals down there. I hope that we can find a place we really love so we won't have to move again until Thayer is out of school! I want to settle down in a place for a while. Since I graduated from high school it seems like the only thing I've done is move. I'm ready to be some place for a while. Springfield may not be our pernament home. That really depends on where Thayer can get a job in his field, but I'm hopeful that we will be able to find a good place to live and raise a family after he is done with school. I'm excited about how cheap rent is!

I've really been thinking about and trying to decide when Thayer and I should start trying for a baby again. I'm really torn and unsure about what we should do. My heart and head are saying two very different things and I know know which one is right and which one I should trust. I guess I will just have to wait and figure things out as I go along and decide what will be best as things come up because everytime I try to make a plan things get really messed up.

Sometimes Changes are Good!

I started my job and I love it. It is so much less stressful than working at the CDC. My teacher is allowing me to do a lot more than other paras are allowed to do because of my educational background. I am just 4 credit hours away from having my MSEd so she lets me do lesson plans for my kids and lets me enter all of their information from progress monitoring into their IEPs. I really like being able to help more than usual and it is great experience for me. I'm really happy with my new job and glad that I only have to work 6.5 hours a day. It makes getting my homework done and focusing on school a lot easier as well.

This month I am also not going to be taking my BC. I'm going to go off it for a couple of months and see how my body does. I'm currently on CD4. My predicted ovulation is on the 28th, but I usually ovulate a few days later than what is predicted. My ususal ovulation date is CD16 instead of the typical CD14. I guess we will see if that has changed as well. I really have to keep on top of my cycle so we don't accidently become pregnant. Wouldn't that be my luck... lol. All along I've been thinking it would be incredibly ironic if I got pregnant while on BC. I hope that everything goes as I hope and that I ovulate on my own. I have no real way of knowing whether I'm producing quality eggs. All I will know is if my cycle is going normal, which will be wonderful news because normally I'm pretty irregular because of my PCOS.

Thayer and I have been going through a little bit of a rough patch. Partly because of me and partly because of him. Sometimes he has absolutely no common sense and it drives me positively crazy. I hate feeling like I'm the mother of a 26 year old man. At times it is ridiculous. It is also funny. He got drunk the other night and he was spouting about how sometimes he takes me and all I do for him for granted and that he is sorry about it. Then he turns around a day or two later and acts like a complete ass.

This last week I have been on spring break from school. It was a nice break, but I know I have a lot of things coming up that will make me more stressed. It's all downhill from here. I have 3 really large final projects that I need to get started on. I really like most of my classes because I've learned a lot, though I don't really care for my two professors. Oh well... you win some, you lose some. The things I'm most happy about is that I have a 100% in all three of my classes. Based on this, it looks like I will be keeping my 4.0 this semester. I will just have 2 more classes to get through. I think it would be pretty amazing to graduate with my MSEd with a 4.0. That will look really good on a resume!

I've started generally looking for places to live down in Springfield. I think we are going to look at some of the outlying areas like Republic. It all depends on what we find though. Thayer really wants to live on the outskirts of town (he's never lived someplace as big as Springfield) or in a suburb. I love how cheap rent is down there and there seem to be plenty of places that will allow pets. Now if we can find a place with a fenced in backyard we will be golden!

Update time (No Clever Title Today).

So Thayer and I made it to Kansas on the 25th of February. We made really good time on our trip. 1006 miles in 2 days from the Minot AFB gate to the driveway of my parent's house in Kansas.

The weather has been pretty amazing since we've been here. The highs have been in the 50s and 60s. We already had one severe storm. It shall be interesting to see Thayer go through tornado season in Kansas. Growing up in Guam and then living in North Dakota for the last almost 8 years doesn't exactly prepare you for storm season in tornado alley. He's definitely fascinated by the storms, lightening, etc. I am, on the other hand, scared to death of tornadoes and don't really enjoy the stormy weather. The dogs were not impressed by the storm the other night either. Myst grew up mainly in Kansas when she was little, but that was over 3 years ago. Kaia has never really been around severe weather. She was very restless and nervous about the rain and 60 mile per hour wind.

Monday I went for a job interview. I went out and bought a new shirt for the occassion because I don't really have any dress clothes that fit me. I looked pretty amazing. I went to the interview and they told me they would let me know by the end of the week if I had or hadn't gotten the job. They called me about an hour later to offer me the position. I will be working at an area elementary school as a paraeducator. The teacher is really excited about having me work for her since I can help her with a lot of things other paras can't, such as progress monitoring and IEP development. I will only be working about 30 hours a week, which is okay with me. It will be a nice break from my old job... actually, anything would be a nice break from that place. I will only be working there until school is out. I hope that in the meantime I can find a teaching job down in Missouri.

Things are going good with Thayer getting out of the Air Force thus far. We have base access until March 2014 and insurance until the end of September 2012. I should hopefully have a teaching job by the time we don't have Tricare anymore. That's the plan anyways. We all know how plans don't always work out.

I've ran into a few people I know around my small town. Most of them do double takes and it takes them a minute to realize who I am. Most of them recognize that they know me from some where, but it takes them a few moments to place exactly who I am. It was also awesome to go out and buy clothes for my new job. I really like trying on clothes now and I'm sure I will like it even more as I shrink more in size. I just had to buy some new clothes for my new job. I'm now officially a size 12. That's pretty amazing. From a 22 to a 12 in less than 6 months.

I'm planning on getting a membership to the YMCA because the place I'm working through gets an employee discount. I want to go to the Zumba classes they have on Tues and Thurs. I guess they also offer a water Zumba class twice a week that I might go to with a friend. I know I need to start doing exercises to help tone the excess skin I'm getting. I really hope that my young age (in comparison to other WLS patients) will work to my advantage to with the shrinkage of the excess skin on my arms, thighs, and stomach.

Here is another comparison picture. The picture on the right was taken right before I went to my interview on the 27th of February.

Goodbye Worldly Goods....

So glad it is the weekend and this week is over. Work was hell. They pissed me off so bad. They wouldn't let me have the day off so I could meet with TMO. You would think that working on a military base at the Child Development Center they would kind of understand these things... but apparently not. I ended up having to call in, in order to get the day off because Thayer couldn't be at the house the whole time. Oh well... fuck them. Yesterday was my last day of work. I really just wanted to walk in the office and tell them to fuck off and inform them of all the reasons that their employees don't usually stick around long. They get sick of being walked on and treated like shit. It is ridiculous. I agree with a friend of mine that said that we were the prostitutes and the management was our pimps... they basically could treat us however they wanted and we got stuck doing everything with absolutely no pat on the backs or anything... unless of course you are one of their "favorites" and kiss their ass all the time. There are a couple of those floating around. Sorry... I don't play that game. If you want respect from me, you sure as hell had better respect me back. I have never been so HAPPY to be unemployed in all my life!!!!

TMO came on the 16th and 17th. All (well most) of our worldly goods are now in a warehouse awaiting travel to Missouri.Our house looks so empty, but it's a good feeling. I'm ready to start our new chapter more than anything else!

Oh... I broke my laptop. Yep... that was fabulous. I sat it on a bag thinking it was safe then I bumped the bag and it slid off in slow motion and the one side of it fell about 6 inches. The LCD screen is now only white. I took it to the shop on Thursday and they said they would look at it that afternoon or Friday. Now I'm still sitting here on Saturday and they haven't even looked at the damn thing. So IRRITATED!! I really need my laptop to be able to do my homework!! If you say you're going to do something then DO IT! I googled what might be wrong with it. It looks like either the connection is lose between the monitor and the video card, the inverter is bad, or the LCD went completely out. I'm thinking it is probably just a loose connection because there was nothing indicating a problem before it dropped all of 6 inches. It would literally take them all of 10 minutes to diagnose the problem... so why can't they just do it. I guess I'll just keep calling back every couple of hours until they get sick of me and get their shit together.

Final Countdown!

So I have had my new car for a little over a week now and I'm in love with it. I haven't found a single thing that I don't like about it. It drives like a dream and gets great gas mileage. I couldn't ask for more.... But that's not really what I logged on to write about tonight. I have big big big news.

Thayer finally got his orders. His official separation date from the Air Force is March 31st. He still needs to go in and talk to a recruiter and see if he really wants to join the Air Force Reserves or not. That is completely up to him. I will support his decision either way because at least I won't have to be the military's bitch anymore. I'm so fed up with them ruling my life and all of my decisions. I didn't think it would be like that. I knew they would have some control... but it is getting ridiculous. Anywho...

We also have our final out day of Minot. Thayer's leave/terminal leave got approved today. TMO is coming on the 17th to pack up all our belongings that we aren't taking in the car with us. Then they are coming back on the 21st to load everything into the truck. We are staying in TLF on the 23rd (luckily we got a pet friendly room!) Thayer goes for his final out appointment on the morning of the 24th. As soon as that is done we will hit the road and head for Sioux Falls, which is about the halfway point between Minot and my parent's house. I guess we will be staying with my parents for a little longer than we had originally anticipated, but it will be okay. I'm just glad I get along so well with my parents.

The only things still up in the air have to do with Thayer's decision to join the Reserves or not. If he does join that means he will have to go to tech school again because his current career field has nothing to do with anything the Reserves have to offer. If he doesn't, then he will start school in May. I hope that I'm able to find a teaching job. If not, then I can at least substitute teach. I only have to get my finger prints done in order to be fully certified.

There is a long list of things about Minot I will not miss and a fairly short list of things I will miss.

I will NOT miss not having a decent mall. I will NOT miss not being able to eat good Chinese or Mexican food. I will NOT miss all the snow (even though this year winter has been kind). I will NOT miss -30 windchills... This list could go on and on.

What I will miss... I will miss my military family. I have met some wonderful people up here and I will truly and sincerely miss each and every one of them. They know who they are (or at least they better!) It really is true that your friends become your family when you're in the military. That's who you spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the 4th of July with. I love my military family... I got to pick each and every special person that is a member of that family. Maybe one day we will meet again... ya know... in Vegas on our 30th birthdays.

It seems so surreal that we are leaving Minot, the military (potentially), and the first years of our marriage behind. It is time to start a new chapter.

I hope the new chapter goes something like this....
- I get a teaching job and finish my Master's degree.
- Thayer joins the Reserves and starts school (and graduates in about 4ish years)
- We are able to get pregnant when we start trying again... hopefully this fall.

Those are my hopes/dreams for the future... now here is to making them come true!!

Finally Some Answers!

So Thayer got the call today. His medical board review is over.

Good news: He is not being medically discharged. We are on the Force Reduction list so we are getting out because of that. -- on that note: We will be getting a separation bonus, yay!

Good news: He can still join the Air Force Reserves because he is not being medically discharged, he has to talk to a few people about it. If he ever comes up for deployment he will have to get a waiver saying that is okay for him to go.

Good news: Thayer will, for sure, be able to start at Missouri State this summer. I will be able to start applying for teaching jobs! Hopefully I can find something, if not, then I guess it's subbing or a para job for me. I'm so ready to be a "real" teacher!

Good news and bad news: My days in Minot are numbered. There are a few certain friends I've made up here that I will miss terri-bad and I'm sure they know who they are. They have been what has made living here at least tolerable. I will not, however, miss 6 months of winter, -40 windchills, or 6 foot of snow.

We don't have a final out day other than we know we have to be off base by March 31st. So we shall see. Thayer has a lot of briefings, appointments, and paper work to go to and get done. Now that the med board is all done the ball can really start moving.

In other news -- I've been working out more. Tonight I improved my time on my mile by almost 2 minutes! I really pushed myself. Sometimes I have to watch it because I don't want to send myself in an asthma attack, but it is so much easier to monitor it now! I just know I need to keep on top of it and do a least a little bit every day no matter how I feel. A little is better than nothing at all!

Rounding out the Year

So 2011 is coming to a close. It has been a year full of ups and downs to say the least.

Yesterday was Christmas. On Christmas Eve we went over to a friend of ours and had a wonderful Christmas Eve with our military family. I tried goose for the first time. It was actually really good. Tasted a lot like steak to me, but with a little bit of a "gamey" taste. We opened presents and laughed. It was a good time with great friends.

Christmas day was pretty uneventful for Thayer and I. We played games and watched movies. I also did some housework. Christmas just isn't the same for me and I was trying my hardest to keep my mind off Baby Hope. It's so difficult to think we should have had a baby to celebrate with this year, but we didn't. It is still a hard pill to swallow at times. I know that people that haven't been in my shoes really just don't understand. I can't really expect them to. I can, however, expect them to have compassion and understanding for the feelings I have.

Thayer talked to his mom. His dad went to the Phillipines and left his mom all alone in Guam for Christmas. The shittiness of his father never ceases to amaze me. I guess to get him back, Thayer's mom is spending extra on the kids for Christmas. Since he is spending all this money over in the Phillipines, she is spending more on Thayer, his sister, and even me for Christmas. We also found out that next summer she is coming over to the states so spend a few weeks with us. Hopefully we are all settled in our new place in Missouri. Everything is up in the air still. Thayer is waiting on his official orders so we can start to arrange our move. We shall see if that happens. Once again we are left waiting. If we do get orders for March, then the last day we will possibly be out of here is March 31st... in 96 days.

For once, I wasn't trying to hide in pictures. I love all the new-found confidence I have. I can't believe how far I've come since September 7th. As of today I am down 60 pounds. That's half a person! Here's a picture from Christmas Eve! I'm starting to look skinny! 

You Turn Me Right Round Baby Right Round...

So, once again everything in my life is up in the air. Gotta love the Air Force. I'm so over being a military wife. It looks like we might be leaving Minot as early as March now. Thayer's separation date is listed as March 31st. I personally think they are trying to get him out before he goes in front of the medical review board so they can screw him out of disability. I guess we shall see what happens in the next few months. I hate never knowing what I can do with my life and having everything dictated by "the man." I'm ready for us to move on from the military. I know that it's scary for Thayer... and parts of it are scary for me too (like possibly not having insurance). I just want a date so I can start planning. For important things like moving across country I need a plan.

We still are going to be living with my parents for a short time until Thayer starts school and starts receiving his BAH from his GI Bill. I'm not nervous about living with my parents at all... I'm just nervous that my big old honest mouth will get me in trouble. I'm done putting up with bullshit from my family and I'm not afraid to speak my mind anymore. I'm afraid I will be too blunt and honest... but then again I'm not even sure I care that much. The bridge has already been burned to an irreparable state. lol Most of this paragraph has been pretty vague. Sorry... but those who know me very well know the person I'm referencing. I just don't want to start unneeded drama in my family.

Brown Chicken Brown Cow

.... I am so ready to be intimate with my husband again. We haven't had smexy fun time since we conceived our angel baby. That was a long time ago. It is frustrating, because once again, I feel like I'm letting him down. I feel like I can't do anything right. Believe me, he's very supportive and I know he loves me. I do really really miss feeling close to him in an intimate way. He has take good care of me. He holds me when I cry, which is almost daily. I'm just so overwhelmed with life. Between school, work, possibly moving (being in limbo), the miscarriage, possible surgery... just everything is jumbled and stressful. I feel bipolar. Last night I was tipsy after dinner and we were driving home and I was so happy and joking one minute... and the next I was thinking about how if I were still pregnant I wouldn't be able to drink and I burst into tears. Life has been such a rollarcoaster and I'm ready to get off the ride.

Does 1+1=2.... or does it equal 3?

So there have been a lot of changes or changes that are going to be coming really soon. Thayer is officially getting out of the Air Force. We will be out of Minot no later than May 31st. At first I was freaking out. I was angry, but I was only angry because I was so scared. Our entire life was being turned upside down. In a few short months we wouldn't have jobs, a home, insurance... just to name a few things. I'm so glad I got Thayer to sit down and make a plan with me.

I'm so happy that we are going to be able to move to Missouri. I know for certain that I will never ever live in El Dorado again. That town is too small with too many busy bodies... not to mention that the schools have really gone down the shitter. Looking at their test scores and things... no way I would put my kids in the schools there. lol ok... off my El Dorado kick.

I'm excited for Thayer to start school again. I think he has finally decided 100% for sure on a major. When he was going to DeVry he was majoring in Computer Engineering, but at first glance it didn't look like MSU had a Computer Engineering program, but I did a lot of research and they do. They have a Engineering Physics Degree with and emphasis in Computer Engineering. I know my husband is so smart... though sometimes he lacks common sense. Thayer has been really worried about everything here lately. We talked some today and one of his fears is moving to some place he's never lived before. Minot and Guam are the only two places he has ever lived. Now he's on a new and scary adventure. I reminded him that I was in his shoes once. I moved to Minot after getting married... and only being a couple with him for like 6 months. I took a major leap of faith and everthing worked out fine.

Today is Thayer's birthday. He hasn't been feeling good the last couple of days. He's had some really bad migraines. I think it is because he is stressed. For his birthday, we went out to eat at Happy Panda (not my choice, can't wait to eat real Chinese food back home!). Then we went over to the mall to watch a movie but the line was almost all the way back to Deb's so we said forget it. We then went to Barnes & Noble and he got 2 books (I got 3 books, a cookbook, and a cover for my Nook, lol). We then went to Gamestop where he got a game. I hope his birthday went well. I also got him a rare game of Ebay that I gave him last week.

So, next week (Wednesday) I will be able to test to see if I'm pregnant. Right now I have hope that I am... I'm trying not to... but I still do. I have some symptoms. I just hope that they aren't all in my head. The main symptoms are breast changes (very sore, Montgomery glands appearing, veins becoming more prominent). I guess I'll know soon enough. I hate all of this waiting. It would be kind of bad timing with Thayer getting out of the military, but I'll take whatever I can get. I will be so happy if I am..... OMG... you have no idea.