I Love What I Do

Today was one of those days that I just absolutely love what I do. One of my kiddos at my internship wrote me a note at home and gave it to me today. It said that he was going to miss me. He also said thank you and that I was the best teacher in the whole world. I seriously about cried. All school year I have worked with this kiddo one on one for almost 2 hours each morning. I know he's going to have a hard time when I read. He mentions it each day and tells me he doesn't want me to leave. :( I love knowing that I'm making a difference in the lives of children. I couldn't ask for a better, more rewarding job. I'm sad that next week is my last week at my internship. I have learned so much and love all the kiddos I work with. It has been an amazing experience, and I have gotten to know so many wonderful educators! Never once have I doubted my decision to become a Special Education teacher. I love every minute of it. Even when some of the kids are having a bad day or one of them is have a lot of behaviors, I still love it.

Tomorrow is going to be a big day. I am taking my Praxis exam for Special Education. It is the teacher certification test required by the state of Missouri to be a teacher. I'm not really worried too much. I'm pretty sure I will pass it with no problem, but it still is a VERY important test. (Not to mention it costs $139).

Tomorrow I am also officially applying for my first Special Education job. It is about an hour or so away from where we live, but it is probably one of a very, very few teaching jobs that will open up in the middle of a school year. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm not sure if they'll consider me because I won't have my official certification for about a month. Here's to hoping though. I also found out that the teacher I'm interning with will most likely be moving to St. Louis this summer so her job will be open. She said she would be sure to let me know. I know that I would have an "in" because the teachers, principal, and Special Ed. director all know me.

Here's to hoping something finally goes right in my life. I deserve to have some great things happen.

Yay for Tomorrow

I now have two days of my internship under my belt. Both have been great days. The school is huge compared to what I'm used to. Everyone is very nice and welcoming. I've met a few of the kiddos I will be working with. Special Education works a little different at the beginning of the year. We're letting the kiddos get used to their new classroom before we start pulling them out for their "intervention" time. Some of the kids are going to be a handful for sure, but I have a good mentor teacher and the paras in the room both have a background in education. All in all, I really love the room. It is a little... weird that my mentor teacher is the same age as me. She's working on her Master's right now as well and has about a year left.

On to other news...

Tomorrow I have my appointment with the OB/GYN! Wish me luck! I really hope he listens to me and will let me do a few rounds of Femara. I'm not scared at all walking into this appointment. I'm looking forward to it and to get the ball rollling on fertility treatments again. At the same time, I know that I might be met with more disappointment. The treatments give me even more hope than I usually have and it makes getting my period that much more difficult. I am hoping my doctor is willing to listen to everything that I have to say. I've done my research. I know my stuff. Hopefully I won't have to go through too many other tests. I foresee bloodwork in my future.

I haven't ovultae this month yet. Today is CD 16. I took an OPK yesterday morning and this morning. Today's was darker than yesterdays. That's usually how my cycles go. The lines on the OPKs get progressively more dark until I finally get my positive. I will test again in the morning so I can be sure to let my doctor know the results. This month is my lazy ovary's month and I usually ovulate later (CD19ish). I wonder if the doctor will put me on progesterone from the beginning or wait until I actually get a BFP. Just so much to talk about, but I'm SOOO ready!

Bring on the Craziness

The husband and I have been back home visiting family and friends for the last weekish. It's been a good visit. It's so nice to be close enough to home that we can come home for a weekend  to see everyone. We wanted to get one last visit in before the craziness starts. Thayer begins his fall semester on the 20th. He's taking 15 credit hours, which is the most he's ever taken. I'm sure it will kick his ass because he's such a procrastinator and would rather play a video game than study or do his homework. He doesn't devote the time he should to his school work. I saw him doing that all summer with his summer classes.

Tuesday I also begin my internship for my final semester of Graduate school. I'm taking 6 credit hours of graduate credit. 2 hours for my internship, 2 hours for my scholarly project, and 2 hours for medical trends in Autism Spectrum disorders. It's going to be a lot because the intership is like having a full time job and the scholarly project is very extensive. I'm estimating my final paper for the project will be at a minimum 40 pages long.

Thursday is also my big day. I'm going to see the OB/GYN and hopefully get prescribed Femara. That's what I really want and that is what I'm going to push for. I've been taking my extra B vitamins and iron to hopefully help with my uterine lining and luteal phase. I'm hoping those will give me the results I want. I'm currently on CD14, but I probably won't ovulate for a couple more days. This cycle we are also trying something new called Softcups. These are little cups you can insert in your vagina instead of using a tampon. A lot of women have started using them while TTC because it will also help keep the semen and sperm up by your cervix instead of leaking slowly back out. It's worth a shot. I got 14 in a box for $5.48 at Walmart. If anything, I've heard it really helps with the messiness.

So next week all the craziness begins. It will probably continue up until the point I actually graduate in December. I'm not really how well my final semester in Grad school will mix with fertility drugs, but I'm tired of waiting. I've had to put off so many of my plans and dreams because I was a military wife and I'm simply not doing that anymore. BRING IT ON! lol I can handle it, even if it does make me a little crazy.

Interesting Week...

For the first time ever I started a job and quit it in the same week. It just wasn't a good match. The place wasn't exactly on the up and up if you get my drift, and I just didn't want to be associated with a place like that. Additionally, I start my internship in about 5 weeks so I wouldn't really make that much money anyway during that time with only working about 15 hours a week. I'm not heartbroken over it.

On a wonderful note, I now have my internship officially lined up. I met with the director of Special Education for the school district and she was very open and receptive to me coming into the district to complete my education. It really was a breath of fresh air for someone to be so welcoming. She asked me what age group I would like to work with and where I might feel the most comfortable. Because I did my Bachelor student teaching in a high school setting I have elected to do my Master's internship at an elementary school. It will definitely be different working with the little folks. The school is a lot larger than what I'm used to as well. There are 4-5 classes in each age level of K-4. I met with the principal and vice-principal as well on the same day at the school I will be at. They were both awesome. I can't begin to express how excited I am about my internship as well as finishing up my degree. Now, the only thing I have left to do is decide on what I would like to do for my Scholary Project. It's all coming to an end. I'm super proud of myself! Also, the district has already asked me to make sure I get on their substitute list. After I complete my internship, which should be done around the beginning of October, I will substitute teach until I can apply and get a full-time teaching position.

In the fertility front... tomorrow is CD29 so we will see if AF will show on time or what. I'm not sure if I even ovulated this cycle. PCOS is so frustrating! If my cycle is really messed up and AF doesn't show on time I think I might go back on BC for a couple of months to get things regulated better.

Fierce Ovulation

Boy, my ovaries are kicking my butt this month. It feels like I'm being stabbed repeatedly with an ice pick. No bueno... but I guess I really can't complain since it means they're working all on their own! Thayer and I were off on our timing again this month. I ovulated on CD 17 and it threw me off a little with counting. Oh well... what happens, happens. I'm done planning and trying to figure things out because it always goes wrong anyway. I make plans and something always throws them off. From now on I think I will just wing it. Hell... what more could get messed up? We will know one way or the other around the 3rd unless AF rears her ugly head earlier.

A few days ago I had a little scare and I'm debating whether I should see my doctor or not. I had a hypoglycemic episode. I had all the symptoms around 2am. I went downstairs and ended up drinking some juice and eating a cheese stick and felt better in about 10 minutes. Also, it seems like a lot of times after I eat I get really fatigued and just feel like sleeping. I'm not really sure what is going on. At first I thought I might be low on some vitamins so I started really watching what I was consuming and up-ed the amount of vitamin supplements I was taking, but that doesn't really seem to be helping. I could be anemic or maybe I am having problems with my blood sugars.

It looks like I'm on track to graduate with my Master's in December. Right now it looks like I will be completing it in either Nixa or Republic since Springfield Public Schools are a bunch of jerkfaces. I'm glad that I will be able to finish. It's later than I had planned (thank you USAF), but at least I will have a chance to find a job this spring as a teacher and get everything settled.

I also just got the call that we were approved to rent the house we wanted in Republic. We will be moving in on June 1st. The house is only about 2 years old and is really nice. I'm excited to have a place of my own again and get all my stuff back. It's a 2 bedroom, 2 bath home. That's big enough for Thayer and I.

Chaos Reigns!

So I have completed yet another semester of Grad school. I officially have one semester left. Unless I really bomb my finally projects I will still keep my 4.0. I already have my final grade in my Intro to ASD class and I got a 100% :) I earned 210/210 points for the class! :) I'm super happy about that considering everything that went on this semester. The entire time I've been in school things just seem like they are trying to throw me for a loop. A lot of chaos has happened while I've been working on my Master's, but I have still managed to keep a 4.0 GPA. Last spring it was the pregnancy and miscarriage and this spring it was moving half way across the country and Thayer getting out of the military. It's been a crazy couple of years to say the least.
I can't wait to graduate in December. I'm still working on getting my internship set up down in Springfield, but I have faith that it will all work out in the end. I'm going to call the director of special edcuation at the Springfield Public Schools in the next couple of days to make sure that they received all of my information. I'm doing everything I can to try and set this up. It's not fun having to do all this on my own. It was much easier when they set it up for me when I was working on my Bachelor's degree.

I've also started seriously house hunting down in Springfield. I'm ready to have my own house again and have my stuff! I'm finding some good deals down there. I hope that we can find a place we really love so we won't have to move again until Thayer is out of school! I want to settle down in a place for a while. Since I graduated from high school it seems like the only thing I've done is move. I'm ready to be some place for a while. Springfield may not be our pernament home. That really depends on where Thayer can get a job in his field, but I'm hopeful that we will be able to find a good place to live and raise a family after he is done with school. I'm excited about how cheap rent is!

I've really been thinking about and trying to decide when Thayer and I should start trying for a baby again. I'm really torn and unsure about what we should do. My heart and head are saying two very different things and I know know which one is right and which one I should trust. I guess I will just have to wait and figure things out as I go along and decide what will be best as things come up because everytime I try to make a plan things get really messed up.

This Just In....

So there have been other things going on the last week or so. I finally broke down and decided that I needed to make a decision about what to do this fall. I needed to choose between going to work and (hopefully) finding a teaching job down in Missouri or finishing up my last semester on my Master's. I would have graduated in May but I knew I wouldn't be able to complete my internship up in North Dakota because I knew we would move some time this spring. So instead of finishing school this semester I chose to go ahead and begin working on my Autism Spectrum Disorders Certificate.

It was a tough decision, but Thayer and I are in agreement that my best choice is to go ahead and finish school. If I put it off longer they could change the degree requirements, the requirements to be a certified special education teacher, or any number of other things which would require additional classes to meet the new requirements. Also, if I didn't go ahead and finish now it might be difficult to find time to go back and do it later. We want to start a family as soon as possible after I've hit my one year post-op mark. That would make going back more difficult. It is going to be rough with both of us going to school full time, but we know it is what needs to be done. After I graduate in December with my degree I will probably substitute teach or look for a para job of some sort until I can start applying for teaching jobs for the following school year. I will have a lot more job options open to me as well once I finish my Master's in addition to being able to make a good deal more money.

I've also had some interesting situations arise in my personal life that I'm working hard to try to sort out what I should and shouldn't do. Sometimes my head and heart are not always in the right spot and I get confused about what would be the best decision for me. I'm ready to get moved to Missouri and see my old college friends again. There are a lot of people I have missed and I'm excited to see them and be able to hang out with them again.

Let's see... what else... Thayer gets jealous a lot easier now. It's like my "value" has gone up now that I've lost so much weight. Last night at Wal-Mart it was really weird. He just kept touching me... putting his arm around me, running his hand up and down my side. It was like he was making sure that everyone knew that I was his. It was just.... odd. I don't know how else to describe it. I guess I must be a hotter commodity in his eyes and he wants everyone to know I'm taken now. I guess when I was fat he just wasn't really worried about it.

Hurry Up and Wait

It seems like for so long my life has been completely revolved around the concept of "hurry up and wait."

Being a military wife... your life is ruled by your husband's military career. I've had to put my life on hold in order to be with Thayer. I graduated in 2009 with a teaching degree that I still have not been able to use at all, not even to substitute teach.

Just like in the song, everything is now so close I can taste it, but I can't touch it. I'm working in Special Education, which is what I'm getting my Master's in, but I'm still not a teacher. I still don't have a classroom of my very own. I have more responsibility than the other paras because of my educational background, which is great because I'm soaking up the additional experience. I just wish I could be a teacher. Even now that we're down here and moving to Missouri, I don't know if I'll be able to find a job as a teacher. Things will be easier when I have my Master's in Special Education because there is a much greater demand for SpEd teachers than there is for English teachers. Right now there doesn't look like there is a whole lot out there for English. It's pretty discouraging. I'm so ready to have a classroom of my own. I want to help children/young adults.

Infertility has certainly thrown a kink into how I thought my life would play out. June will mark 3 years of trying to get pregnant. That's a long damn time. People who started trying for their first AFTER we started trying for our first are now pregnant/having their second child. It's frustrating. I'm terribly impatient to become a parent. I'm ready. I've been ready. I try to keep my head up. I try to keep plugging away, but it gets difficult at times. Sure I've said things that have rubbed people wrong. Sure, to some I may seem bitter, especially to those that have never walked in my shoes. I know I did the right thing by having my surgery. I feel so much better. I'm up to doing an hour of cardio a day. A week after surgery I could barely make it 5 minutes on my elliptical. I've had an amazing transformation in hopes of having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child.

Sometime I wonder how things would be different in my life... Sometimes I think about what might have or could have been. I know those are dangerous thoughts though. I can't go back and change the past and I just have to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Sometimes Changes are Good!

I started my job and I love it. It is so much less stressful than working at the CDC. My teacher is allowing me to do a lot more than other paras are allowed to do because of my educational background. I am just 4 credit hours away from having my MSEd so she lets me do lesson plans for my kids and lets me enter all of their information from progress monitoring into their IEPs. I really like being able to help more than usual and it is great experience for me. I'm really happy with my new job and glad that I only have to work 6.5 hours a day. It makes getting my homework done and focusing on school a lot easier as well.

This month I am also not going to be taking my BC. I'm going to go off it for a couple of months and see how my body does. I'm currently on CD4. My predicted ovulation is on the 28th, but I usually ovulate a few days later than what is predicted. My ususal ovulation date is CD16 instead of the typical CD14. I guess we will see if that has changed as well. I really have to keep on top of my cycle so we don't accidently become pregnant. Wouldn't that be my luck... lol. All along I've been thinking it would be incredibly ironic if I got pregnant while on BC. I hope that everything goes as I hope and that I ovulate on my own. I have no real way of knowing whether I'm producing quality eggs. All I will know is if my cycle is going normal, which will be wonderful news because normally I'm pretty irregular because of my PCOS.

Thayer and I have been going through a little bit of a rough patch. Partly because of me and partly because of him. Sometimes he has absolutely no common sense and it drives me positively crazy. I hate feeling like I'm the mother of a 26 year old man. At times it is ridiculous. It is also funny. He got drunk the other night and he was spouting about how sometimes he takes me and all I do for him for granted and that he is sorry about it. Then he turns around a day or two later and acts like a complete ass.

This last week I have been on spring break from school. It was a nice break, but I know I have a lot of things coming up that will make me more stressed. It's all downhill from here. I have 3 really large final projects that I need to get started on. I really like most of my classes because I've learned a lot, though I don't really care for my two professors. Oh well... you win some, you lose some. The things I'm most happy about is that I have a 100% in all three of my classes. Based on this, it looks like I will be keeping my 4.0 this semester. I will just have 2 more classes to get through. I think it would be pretty amazing to graduate with my MSEd with a 4.0. That will look really good on a resume!

I've started generally looking for places to live down in Springfield. I think we are going to look at some of the outlying areas like Republic. It all depends on what we find though. Thayer really wants to live on the outskirts of town (he's never lived someplace as big as Springfield) or in a suburb. I love how cheap rent is down there and there seem to be plenty of places that will allow pets. Now if we can find a place with a fenced in backyard we will be golden!

'Tis the Season to be Stressed...

Well, school is over for the semester! Thank God! I turned in my final paper on Sunday and finished my final project for my other class a whole 7 days early! I was proud of myself for not procrastinating until the very last possible minute for once in my life... and yes, I literally mean for once in my life. It looks like I will get A's in both my classes so I will maintain my 4.0 GPA in Grad School. I can't believe I have a 4.0 in Grad School! That's insane to me. I do have to pat myself on the back and say that I've been rocking my classes. Really, Grad School isn't more difficult than getting my Bachelor's was. It is simply a lot more time consuming. The amount of time you have to put into each class is a lot more. I'm pretty bummed that I won't be graduating in May though. Because of our impending move, I have to postpone my Internship and Scholarly Project. It is impossible to complete them and still move. My Scholarly Project basically takes the place of a dissertation. It is a huge project that I get to chose the topic over. I'm thinking about doing something involving the military and special education, but I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it. I should be able to finish up next Fall without a problem. Here's to hoping! I'm just so relieved to have this semester complete. As for this Spring, I'm going to go ahead and start working on my Autism certificate. I'm taking 3 classes over Autism. I originally planned to start this after graduating with my Master's, but I don't want to "dropout" for a semester so I've decided to go ahead and start it a bit early.

Work is also increasingly stressful. The children are CRAZY! I love them to death... but geez! Also, there's just something about going to work that makes me feel... I don't know... less than enthusiastic. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids in my class... I think it has something to do with the vast amounts of hypocrisy that are always at play there. Oh well... it looks like, at most, I have 15 weeks left.

For once, Christmas doesn't have me stressed. I don't have any family to deal with. I just have Thayer and myself. All my shopping is done. Thayer and I and my nephew, Kimani, are the only people we had to buy for. I will probably just mail my sister-in-law a check. Thayer's parents don't get anything because I'm sick of how they treat my husband... and my parents usually say they would rather have us save our money. That is especially true this year because they know we're going to be moving and have expenses from that.

I do have happy news to report. I am 3 months post-op now... and have lost 54 pounds. I know in the next week I will probably shed pounds like crazy because I'm bloated right now from an impending visit from Aunt Flo. (Sorry if that's TMI). I'm so happy with my journey thus far. I'm currently wearing a size 16 jean and have had to get rid of over half the clothes in my closet because they swamp me. I can tell a difference in my energy level and that is exciting as well. I have NO regrets. I can't wait to continue my ride. I can't wait to start trying for baby again next year.

Even though there is a lot.. LOT of stress in my life right now. I'm content. I'm happy... and I wouldn't change a thing!

I Raped My Husband... bwahahaha

So today is cycle day 17. I ovulated today. Got an almost positive on the OPK, but I felt it in my side that I did ovulate. That's the one nice thing about feeling like I got stabbed with an ice pick. I know exactly when I ovulate or if I ovulate each month. But really... it does hurt.  lol Thayer claims (jokingly) that I raped him and emotionally scarred him because I (semi) made him have sex today. I mean, unless I was on top it isn't rape right? Not like I had to tie him to the bed! Sorry if all this is TMI... oh well... a lot of my blogs are.

So, now the waiting begins. We will know in approximately 14 days if I am pregnant this cycle. If I am not, then I go through with gastric bypass on Sept. 7th. I'm starting to get a little more freaked out about it. I had to write a living will. That was kinda scary.

Thayer's not sure he wants me to get pregnant, which kind of hurt my feelings... a lot. He said he wished we weren't even trying (though a month ago he was completely on board). He is scared that if I get pregnant again that we will lose another baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm unbelieveably scared about that scenario as well. He says he doesn't want to put our relationship through that stress if we don't have to. He knows the odds are definitely more in our favor of having a successful pregnancy after surgery. I just wish he could understand my feelings of wanting to give it one last try before having to give up trying for 18 months. I wish he could understand how hard it is and heartbreaking it is every time someone else announces that they are pregnant. We should be parents already, but here we are. I'm taking medicines that make me sick and potentially having a life altering surgery just in HOPES of becoming parents. I mean, what if the surgery doesn't help. What if my PCOS is just as bad? That could happen. There are no guarantees. I just wish I could get something right for once. I just want to do what is best for myself, my husband, my future children... etc. I just don't know what that is at this point. I was probably being selfish trying this one last month to get pregnant. Okay... fine... I was selfish... but after over 2 years of trying I think I deserve to do one thing that I want.

Okay... onto other things in the world of Mary. I have a job interview Monday afternoon that I'm super excited about. I really really hope that I get it because I'm so sick of working at the Child Development Center here on the AF base. This new job will allow me to work with kids with special needs. That's something I'm passionate about. I'm also officially 3 classes away from completing my Master's in Special Education. If I get this new job I will probably postpone finishing school and graduation until December 2012... but if I don't get the job I will quit at the CDC (if possible) in January so I can complete my internship (aka student teaching). If I do this, then I will graduate in May 2012. Lots of possibilities on the horizon for me. I'm almost through all of the hoops to get both my Missouri state and North Dakota state teaching certificate.

Adventures in Clomid

So about 2 hours ago I took the first pill of my final cycle of Clomid. So... here goes another month. We shall see if it works and makes me ovulate. Clomid working is defined by whether it makes me ovulate or not... NOT if I get pregnant or not. Logically speaking, even with the Clomid the swimmers still have to find the egg and there is only what... a 25% chance of that happening each cycle. lol... mini-rant there I guess. Clomid "working" shouldn't be defined by whether you actually conceived because it doesn't make the sperm find the egg, it only ensures that you produce an egg.

*yawn* I took like a 2 hour nap this evening. It was a long work week. I've applied to a few other jobs. I just keep crossing my fingers and hoping that I get something. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle working at the CDC. I keep hoping that they lift the hiring freeze for the school district so I can substitute teach or get a job as a paraeducator. Guess only time will tell with that. Public school is starting late here because of the flood. Guess it is just a waiting game now.

School will be starting for me again soon. It sucks that I'm not able to take the two classes I need downtown at, but what can you do? Hopefully I will be able to get them done next spring along with my "scholarly project." The scholarly project for my Master's in basically taking the place of writing a thesis. I guess we shall see how that goes as well. In some ways I would almost rather just write a thesis paper because I'm a beast when it comes to writing papers... but I think I would get more out of doing the project.


Interesting Fact: I'm supposed to ovulate this month on the first day I ever say my now husband face to face. August 17th I flew to ND and met my husband face to face for the first time in 2008... then we got hitched October 16th of the same year. Almost 3 years of marriage so far!

Winding Down

So my vacation is winding down. I go back to work on Monday :( Boo!

I got back home today... Double Boo! (stupid Minot).

I have lots to do next week. I need to call the Ward County Jail to set up a day to get my fingerprint cards done to get my teaching certificate. I also need to fill out my FAFSA and enroll in classes for fall... I've been a bad girl for not doing it yet. I just really don't want to go back to work. I really hope that I'll be able to get a job with the school district or I might just be a stay at home wife again. I would really like to get on as a substitute teacher, which is the reason I'm getting my teaching certificate now. If that doesn't happen I know I will be trying for a para job either on base or downtown in Minot.

I know work isn't going to be happy with me. I'm just getting back from vacation, but now I have to ask for 3 weeks off. Though, hopefully by then I won't even be working there anymore. I'm going to be having my surgery Sept. 7th. That will allow us the opportunity to do one last round of Clomid before having to take 18+ months off from TTC. We shall see what happens with that.

I ovulated yesterday... one day too early to try this month as I didn't get back to Minot until today. At least I ovulated all on my own (I know for sure because it hurt!)... and I ovulated on CD18.

I hope things start going better for Thayer and I. We could really use a break. I love him dearly, and I know I haven't been the easiest person to live with as of late. I've also been confused about things from the past. I came into our marriage with a good amount of baggage and I spent the better part of the last week trying to figure that all out. I think I've finally got my head on straight! I've come to realize that I may always love and care about a person and that is perfectly okay, but that doesn't mean that my marriage was a mistake or the wrong decision.

Burning the Candle at Both Ends

Overworked.
Underpaid.
Overstressed.
Worn Out.
Tired.
Depressed.
Over-educated.
Under appreciated.
Underwhelmed and Overwhelmed.
Burned Out.
Disgruntled.

.... The list could go on and on.

I just feel so (see the above list). School. Work... WORK. Infertility. Family. Miscarriage. Military life. Surgery. I'm not even sure where to begin or end. I need a woosa day. I'm really thinking that Thayer and I need to take a weekend and go somewhere... ANYWHERE and stay the night away from this place. I need to get away and July simply isn't coming fast enough. At this point we're not even sure if Thayer can go with me back home to Kansas. All I know is... I might need a friend to watch the dogs this weekend so we can have some married couple time alone and the hell away from Minot.

Does 1+1=2.... or does it equal 3?

So there have been a lot of changes or changes that are going to be coming really soon. Thayer is officially getting out of the Air Force. We will be out of Minot no later than May 31st. At first I was freaking out. I was angry, but I was only angry because I was so scared. Our entire life was being turned upside down. In a few short months we wouldn't have jobs, a home, insurance... just to name a few things. I'm so glad I got Thayer to sit down and make a plan with me.

I'm so happy that we are going to be able to move to Missouri. I know for certain that I will never ever live in El Dorado again. That town is too small with too many busy bodies... not to mention that the schools have really gone down the shitter. Looking at their test scores and things... no way I would put my kids in the schools there. lol ok... off my El Dorado kick.

I'm excited for Thayer to start school again. I think he has finally decided 100% for sure on a major. When he was going to DeVry he was majoring in Computer Engineering, but at first glance it didn't look like MSU had a Computer Engineering program, but I did a lot of research and they do. They have a Engineering Physics Degree with and emphasis in Computer Engineering. I know my husband is so smart... though sometimes he lacks common sense. Thayer has been really worried about everything here lately. We talked some today and one of his fears is moving to some place he's never lived before. Minot and Guam are the only two places he has ever lived. Now he's on a new and scary adventure. I reminded him that I was in his shoes once. I moved to Minot after getting married... and only being a couple with him for like 6 months. I took a major leap of faith and everthing worked out fine.

Today is Thayer's birthday. He hasn't been feeling good the last couple of days. He's had some really bad migraines. I think it is because he is stressed. For his birthday, we went out to eat at Happy Panda (not my choice, can't wait to eat real Chinese food back home!). Then we went over to the mall to watch a movie but the line was almost all the way back to Deb's so we said forget it. We then went to Barnes & Noble and he got 2 books (I got 3 books, a cookbook, and a cover for my Nook, lol). We then went to Gamestop where he got a game. I hope his birthday went well. I also got him a rare game of Ebay that I gave him last week.

So, next week (Wednesday) I will be able to test to see if I'm pregnant. Right now I have hope that I am... I'm trying not to... but I still do. I have some symptoms. I just hope that they aren't all in my head. The main symptoms are breast changes (very sore, Montgomery glands appearing, veins becoming more prominent). I guess I'll know soon enough. I hate all of this waiting. It would be kind of bad timing with Thayer getting out of the military, but I'll take whatever I can get. I will be so happy if I am..... OMG... you have no idea.

Stay on the Sunny Side...

So... I have had a Shit-tacular week. Bad news from the doctor yesterday. Bad news from the husband today. From now on, I'm going to try to stay on the "sunny side" of life.


First to fill you in on the bad news.

Doctor - I kept testing for ovulation with OPKs. I never got a positive... I only had faint LH lines. I called the doctor and he told me "Oh you probably aren't going to ovulate this month. Try again next month." Ok... it wouldn't be so bad if 1. Clomid didn't make me sick as a dog and 2. I didn't have to have a random person stick a "wand" up my va-jayjay twice a month. It seems like all the pain and sickness is in vain when nothing happens.

Thayer - Thayer is more than likely getting early separation from the Air Force. At first it really made me upset. I mean its like we're getting tossed on the street. No job, no home, no insurance, no nothing. After I got home from work Thayer and I sat down and made a plan. If he does get early separation we will most likely have to move by May 31st. If this is the case we are going to go back to Kansas and live with my parents for 2 months until he can start school in August and use his GI Bill and get BAH, etc. He is planning to go to Missouri State University just like I did because they have a great Computer Science program. Thayer was really upset because he thought I might leave him or something. I had to reassure him that NO I wasn't going to live him... I married him for better or for worse and as lot as we have each other, we have everything!


Pluses of getting out of the military:
GOOD BYE MINOT!... HELLO MALLS, WARMTH, CIVILIZATION!!!

lol

Things will be okay! Yes, I will miss the wonderful ladies that have become my friends up here in North Dakota... but I also miss my friends and family terribly from back home!

rawr rawr rawr

So... it is the last day of January... and I have 4 more days until I can test. lol Yes, I'm keeping a countdown. I can't help it. I really don't think I am. I'm pretty sure, at this point, I'm not. I have no symptoms at all. Yeah it's sad and depressing. Frankly, it really really sucks.

On another note... I'm sick... again. It sucks. At least I will have a killer immune system after working at the CDC. The doctor doesn't want me to go back to work until Wednesday because my bronchitis was so bad that it was close to turning into pnemonia. I have anti-biotics and 2 cough medicines (that I can't take because I might, emphasis on might, be pregnant). The dogs have done a good job taking care of me while I've been home and keeping me company. Thayer has also helped me when he could and was home.

School has started again, and it has been rough this semester so far. Going to school full time, working full time, and scheduling my fertility treatments has been a little difficult. I'm glad that work has been, for the most part, understanding. They weren't happy with me the other day because I couldn't get my Hepititis A, Hepititis B, and Varicella immunizations because I *might* be pregnant. I have to go see the doctor and get a waver. Oh well, I guess they will get over it. The health of my potential child is way more important.

Snow Snow go AWAY

Blah... sick of winter already... only 4 more months to go! I think I have seasonal mood disorder!

Anyways, it has been a while since I last wrote, so I thought I would fill y'all in on what is going on in my life. It is now December and yet another year is coming to a close... I'm hoping 2011 will be a wonderful year!

So, I will start Clomid this month. I am waiting to go in and have my pregnancy test done because my ovaries decided to work on their own this month. I got an LH spike on my OPKs this last weekend... so maybe this month I will be extra lucky and get prego on my own and not even have to take the Clomid! Yeah... right... I'm never that lucky. So, basically to get the Clomid I had to go behind my REs back and just deal with my OB/GYN. I don't feel bad because I'm getting what I want! I deserve to be able to choose what I do with my body. It's my choice if I want to try Clomid before doing more evasive procedures and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Again, if it doesn't work, I'll move on to something more drastic. So... please keep your fingers crossed that this month will be the month or the Clomid will work for me! For the Clomid, I get to go in on CD1 through CD3 (CD = Cycle Day) and have an ultrasound done and see if my eggs are growing. Then I take the Clomid CD3-CD7. Then I go in on CD13 to see how my eggs are... then they hubby and I have "happy time" every other day from then on. Having "happy time" every other day is the best way to try and get prego. Maybe we'll get a little Christmas miracle... or maybe I'll by Thayer's sperm a map to my eggs for Christmas and I'll get a birthday miracle. (My birthday is Jan. 29th).

Lets see... enough about my ovaries! I start at the CDC on Tuesday. I'm hoping I like it. We really don't need the money, but it definitely will be nice to put a little extra in savings and put some away for my student loans when I finally get done with school.

This school semester is almost done, but I have decided to extend my education by one semester so I will actually graduate May 2012. The main reason for this is that I have to go back and take 2 undergrad classes: Reading and Math methods. Because I have a degree in secondary education, to get my degree for K-12 Special Education, these are requirements. I really can't take these this Spring like I was hoping because of starting work. Hopefully, once I have some time in at the CDC and see how awesome I am, they will work with my school schedule.

Hmmm... what else? Cataclysm (the new expansion pack for World of Warcraft) comes out next week! I'm really excited. I love playing it with Thayer and it's really fun playing with some of the guys Thayer works with and their wives! They're really cool guys and it was awesome having them over for Thanksgiving.

This week on "As the Ovaries Turn...." lol

Just a little update on the ovaries... I started Provera last week because AF had been missing. Based on that, I will be going in Monday for my CD3 bloodwork and on the 22nd I will most likely have my HSG. The following day, the 23rd I will see the RE for my first consultation. Thayer is going to see if he can take a part of the day off because I'm not supposed to drive after having the HSG ran. If not, I might have to con Brianna into taking me :)

I also got a job at the BX... so I hope they work with my schedule. If not, I guess I won't be working there. I mean, the RE only comes to Minot every 3-4 months and they HSG HAS to be ran on CD10... I'm not going to wait around for a few months for them to schedule me a day off. Becoming a parent is more important to me than having a job. I don't "need" a job, I wanted one. We're doing fine as far as money goes, I just like having my own money and feeling like I'm contributing. Anyways, I should be starting in about a week. They're waiting on my background check to go through. I really really hope that the CDC, Youth Center, or the Library call me back. They all have my application under review.

I also need to call UND and have them adjust my schedule for my Master's classes. I'm going to drag out getting my degree for another semester because I don't want to take 9 credit hours next summer and I don't think I'm going to be able to take 2 of the classes I need to this spring. As long as I'm carrying a part-time load I should be good.

Relaxing... Finally.

So the last week I have been slammed with homework. I thought about half assing it... but then again I don't want to risk losing my 4.0. I'm pretty friggin' proud that I have a 4.0 in Graduate School!

Today I am taking a break from the book and just going to relax with my girls. I love my doggies so much. I can't believe how much unconditional love Myst shows me! She is just the most amazing little dog who loves her momma so much. I love it when she cuddles with me in bed and she's so cute when she gets excited. When she gets excited the tail literally wags the dog. Martha calls her "wiggles." I also can't believe that Kaia is almost a year old (Nov. 24th). I bought the last bag of puppy food yesterday. After that bag is gone she'll be on adult food. My little baby is growing up! I looked at the pictures I took of her when I first picked her up and I can't believe how much she has grown in the last year.

Monday I have to call Dr. Billings office on Monday and get my prescription for Provera. AF hasn't showed up yet and he said he didn't want me to wait any longer until the first of the month. I'm ready get get things rolling! After I get on the Provera I'm one step closer to having the HSG ran. Thayer said he would try to take a half a day off to take me to the appointment because you're not supposed to drive afterwards. I know I'm definitely going to take some pain meds before I have it ran. I've heard people tell me that it's really painful and I've had others tell me that it wasn't any worse than having a pap. lol I'm just kinda weirded out because I'm going to have God knows how many people looking up my girl parts. It's really awkward. To be honest, it makes me more uncomfortable to have a male doctor looking up there than a female. lol so anyways...

I should be cleaning, but I'm boycotting it. I'll do some of that this weekend and maybe I'll make Thayer help me. We'll see if that actually will happen.

OH! I got one of my infertility books in the mail yesterday and started reading it! It's super funny and it makes me feel better. It's called Conception Chronicles. Any woman going through infertility should give it a try. It makes me laugh and helps me realize how many women are in the same boat as me. It also had some uplifting statistics. 90% of women who experience infertility go on to have babies. I guess there is always a chance I'm in that 10% that doesn't... but I'm choosing to focus on the positive.