26 weeks... Last week of 2nd Trimester!

Yesterday marked the beginning of week 26. It is also the last week of my 2nd trimester.

This Saturday is also my baby shower! I'm so excited! I know that my amazing friends have put so much work and time into making it a special day for my boys and me! I can't wait to see my family and friends and enjoy some time with them before things get very, very hectic.

Work, Moving, Mother-in-Laws... OH MY!
May, June, and July are going to be insanely busy. School gets out May 29th. I have found us a new place and I'm putting the deposit down tomorrow, but we're not sure whether it will be available for move-in on June 10th or the beginning of July. I have to wait to hear back. The current tenant is being evicted. If they fight the eviction it will take more time, if they don't it will be earlier. Let's hope they don't fight it! Thayer's mom will be here June 11th for a few days then she's going to drive out east to see the rest of his family (grandma, sister, aunts, uncles, etc.) and come back around the time the boys are supposed to arrive (lol... supposed being the key word there). Looks like she might get to help us move. I hope she's understanding. I know it's not exactly the best time to move, but we have a small 2 bedroom duplex and we're moving in to a 3 bedroom house for $5 less than we're currently paying. Then, of course, the babies will be born sometime in there! I know I need to just relax and breathe. Everything will work out. I know we have friends and family to support us and help us through it all.

At my last doctor's appointment I was 25w2d... and was measuring 30 weeks. I've gained about 15lbs now. Not bad for lugging around twins... :) I feel huge, but I know that's only going to get worse. I'm kind of jealous of these women with cute little "normal" baby bumps. I feel (and look) like I have baby everywhere. Don't get me wrong... I'm still happy I lost all the weight so that I definitely look pregnant, but I thought I would be cute pregnant... not hippo pregnant. With that being said... here's 26 week picture.

Everyone and Snooki.... but me...

Lately it seems that everyone is pregnant. So many people I know are having their second. It's hard. I'm not going to lie. Many of them started trying for their first after Thayer and I started trying for our first. Almost 3 years after we started trying and I still have empty arms. Maybe my dream will never come true. I'm just so over waiting, testing, temping, wondering... I know we haven't been able to try at all for the last 6 months, but that doesn't make it any easier. I WANT to try. I WANT to have a baby. I WANT to have one now. I WANT to see those 2 pink lines. The problem is I CAN'T try. I mean, technically I could but that wouldn't be the smart thing to do.

I want to be happy when people tell me that they are pregnant... but it is so hard to conceal my envy especially if the child is conceived under less than stellar circumstances such as a teen mom. How can I even begin to feel happy about that? Here I am... a responsible 27 year old woman who is college educated, who has been married 3.5 years to a wonderful responsible man, but every idiot teenager and Snooki can get pregnant. Seriously? I guess at least I know now where my tax dollars are going.

It's hard to believe that this time last year I was pregnant. I didn't know it yet. We didn't find out until March 10th. Then just a short time later we found out we were losing our little dream. I still miss her all the time. How could I not? She was my baby, even though no one else seems to acknowledge she was real. I don't even think Thayer remembers. I'm scared to talk about and bring it up to him.

Today is Thayer's Birthday. I hope he had a good day. I've been really moody lately. I'm not going to lie about that either. I'm stress and just generally down. I knew March was going to be a difficult month. I knew it and thought I was prepared. But I guess I wasn't. So much change has happened in the last month. My whole world has been turned upside down and I'm reeling from it. I miss my girls. I miss the support and laughs I got from them. Even if they didn't know something was wrong they could always make me feel better. I miss them so much.