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This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

Learn more about my Infertility Journey here: 3 years and counting

Welcome to the World Orion and Ronin!

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Happy Belated Birthday

So the twins turned 1 on June 18. Here is a video I put together to help celebrate and some of their 1 year pics.

Happy Birthday Video

Orion and Ronin's First Year:

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Happy 9 Months!!

Today Orion and Ronin are 9 months old! Where has time gone? It's speeding by so fast.

Both boys are now army crawling across the floor. They get up on all 4's to try and crawl but haven't quite figured out all of the mechanics of it yet. They are into everything. You can't leave anything sitting around that you don't want them to touch, otherwise they will make a beeline for it. They are especially impressed with the Wii-mote and the PS3 controller... oh and the remote to the big screen. Who needs all these cool light up baby toys when you have video game controllers right?! Both boys will sit up on their own for a short amount of time, but prefer to be on their bellies so they can move around. They like to talk to each other and talk to others as well. They are starting to interact more and more with each other. It's fun to see their relationship unfold. Ronin is a pro at pulling up, whereas Orion isn't as interested. Ronin LOVES to stand. Orion is just more laid back and chill.

They go in for their 9 month check up in 2 days to see how much they have gained. Hopefully, everything is going good according to the doctor. I hope she is satisfied with their weight gain.

We celebrated Dr. Seuss' birthday with a little photoshoot and I've been video crazy lately.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Long time no write..

Truth be told, writing this blog right now is the LAST thing I should be doing. I still have to finish up next weeks lesson plan. I need to write out my sub plans for Tuesday because I'll be gone that day... There's just a million and one things I should be doing instead, but I thought I would take a couple of minutes to update y'all on the dynamic duo because they are napping.

They are almost 8 months old (6 months adjusted). Can you believe that?!? OMG!! It seems like just yesterday I was trying to get Ronin to move out of my ribs and I was waddling like a penguin!

Both of them are healthy and growing, which is the most important thing. We went to the cardiologist last week to have a recheck for Ronin. He still has one hole in his heart, but one of them has healed. He goes back in a year for a recheck. The doctor still thinks it is likely that the hole will heal on it's own, but if it doesn't then it won't hold Ronin back at all. The Cardio told us that he has sent kids to college on full athletic scholarships with holes in their heart bigger than Ronin's.

At the Cardiologist Ronin weighed 13lbs 9oz. I know that Orion is topping 16lbs now. They both go back to their pediatrician on Tuesday for a weight check. They are both FINALLY on the normal growth chart. Ronin is on it for height and head circumference (not weight) and Orion is on it for everything. Both boys are very tall for their adjusted age. Here soon we will have to transition them to their convertible car seats. Both have started on solid food. They are doing really good. So far Orion is a more picky eater than Ronin. Their personalities are so vastly different!

Being a special education teacher and a mom is exhausting. I go 100 miles an hour all the time. I'm constantly in motion. I could really use a girls' night out... even if it's just going over to someone's house and us having girl talk over some cheese and wine. The kids could even be around... I just want some adult interaction.

It doesn't look like we will be moving into our house until April 1st. Boo. I'm ready for my own space and I'm sure my mom and dad are ready to have us out of their hair. I'm ready to have my stuff back and sleep in my own bed. I'm ready for the boys to have their cribs and get back to "normal."

I've decided NOT to teach summer school. Yes, the money would be nice, but after last summer and the chaos it was, I think I just want a darn break. By golly... I've EARNED IT!!!

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Rollar Coaster of Life

Life has been a crazy, whirlwind rollar coaster as of late! November 18th I started my new job as a FAA (Functional Applied Academics) teacher. I am a special education teacher for children who are severely disabled. Thayer is now a stay-at-home dad while I go out and earn all the dough. We are now living back in Kansas and will hopefully be moving into our own house in January sometime. Right now we are staying with my parents. It seems like I work all the time. Even when I'm home I'm doing paper work, lesson plans, organizing, etc for my class and students. Such is the life of a teacher though, especially a special education teacher. I've had a lot of meetings and other things as well. It never seems to end.

The boys also got sick for the very first time. The weekend before Thanksgiving Orion went to the ER and ended up having Croup. He sounded awful and it was so scary. I was so frightened that he might have RSV. Then the night before Thanksgiving Ronin got sick as well. He went to the ER too and was diagnosed with Pnemonia. Then the week after that Orion got croup again. BLAH!! Sick babies are NOT fun. It was a rough 3 weeks. Both of them are now on the mend though!

During this time I also had people come out and evaluate them to make sure they are on track developmentally. So far so good. Both passed their evals. I'll call in another 6 months and have them come out again. It's free so why not right?

Yesterday the boys turned 6 months old. Yes... it has been that long already!

Monday, November 11, 2013

Hope's Birthday

November 11th, 2011... 11/11/11... that was the day my life was supposed to change forever. That was the day Thayer and I's first baby was due. That was the day that we were supposed to become parents. That never happened. Instead God needed another little angel. Baby Hope was too beautiful for this earth and grew wings much too early. My life was forever changed. From the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test I was a mother. It took me 2 years to see those 2 pink lines. I thought for sure in 9 months we would hold our miracle. God had a different plan. I never knew how much I could love until I knew there was a baby growing inside of me. I had a whole new perspective. I will never forget our first child. I know she is up in heaven looking down on her little brothers. One day, when the time is right, the boys will know about their older sister. When the time is right they will know about all the fertility issues and how much we wanted and loved them before they were ever born.

It's been over 2 years since we lost Baby Hope, but on days like today I still listen to songs that remind me of that time and I still shed a few tears. Yes, as time passes it gets easier. I do know that it took me a long time, majority of my pregnancy with the twins, to bond with them. I struggled with getting close to them and feeling attached because I thought for sure, at any moment they would be taken away from me as well. Even after they were born and in the NICU, I struggled with bonding with them. I was just so scared to let myself feel all that love again, only to lose possibly lose them.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

4 Months Flying By!

Well on the 18th the boys turned 4 months old. It's so hard to believe it's been that long already. They're such good babies! They sleep through the night and have for about a month now. They're doing really well otherwise. Today (Halloween) they had their 4 month checkup and shots.

Ronin is 9lb 10.5oz and 22.5 inches long.

Orion is 11lb 8oz and 24 inches long.

They're still small, especially Ronin, but they've come so far since birth.

As far as development goes, they are slightly behind where a 4 month old should be, but far more advanced than their adjusted age of 2.5 months. That's great! I'm so proud of them.

Recently Orion discovered is hands. He is fascinated by them. He'll look at them and move his fingers then bring them to his mouth and then back out to arms length. Then he'll wiggle is fingers. He's started gripping objects and moving them around. He also rolled over one time this last weekend, but he has yet to do it again. Most of the time he rolls to his side then uses his feet to turn himself in a circle. He looks like clock hands, going around and around.

Ronin is now self-soothing with his thumb. I'm not a big fan of thumb sucking, but I'm not really sure what I can do to stop a 4 month old from sucking his thumb. It makes him happy, so who am I to stop him. It will just be more difficult to break when he's older than a paci.

The boys also move around a lot in their crib. Right now we have them sharing a crib because it makes them happier to be near each other. The only problem with it is that some times they move so much that they're hitting and kicking one another. Silly babies. I'm not sure how much longer we'll be able to use just the one crib. The other is set up; we just don't use it at all.

Happy Halloween from Thing 1 and Thing 2!

In other news... I just got hired as a Special Education teacher. This is my very first teaching job! I'm so excited. It means we will get to move back to Kansas where all of our family is. We'll have a lot more help with the boys. Let's face it. Raising one kid on your own without family around is difficult... but two babies... is mind boggling at times. We've done well, but it would be nice to have a break every now and again.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

A Letter of Encouragement

Please don't give up. Please keep going and trying. Believe me, even when it seems futile and you think you're going to go crazy, KEEP TRYING. I KNOW how hard it is. I KNOW how frustrating it is. I've been in your shoes. I've walked the same path you're walking now. I'm a stronger person for what I've been through. I'm a better person for all the pain I've endured. I love stronger. I gather strength from within and endure even when I'd rather just curl up in bed and cry. I'm a beautiful, strong, and kind person who is full of grace and compassion. I didn't get there by accident. I got there through struggles and triumphs. I got there by the battles I've fought and won, but also by the battles I've fought and lost.

Today, as I gaze at my little boys I know I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't change the journey I went on to get them. That journey made me the amazing, caring mother I am today. I FOUGHT for those babies. I cried every month for years to get where I am today. There were times when I wanted to give up and throw in the towel. I'm glad I didn't. This was the journey I was meant to be on. If I would have gotten pregnant right away I may not have these handsome little men to call my own. If I hadn't of struggled I wouldn't have met and bonded with some amazing women who I can commiserate with.

At times I let infertility define me. This is my journey. I now know that it doesn't have to define me, but it does help shape who I am. I am powerful. I am amazing. AND SO ARE YOU!!! Don't let your journey define you. It is just the path you're walking to hopefully get to your desired destination. Sometimes that destination isn't always the one we envisioned. Surely we didn't envision being probed by doctors to make a baby. Surely we didn't envision test after test, pee stick after pee stick to hopefully one day have a little one to call our own. This is not an enjoyable path. It is long, hard, and wrought with potholes. But in the end, it is all worth it. No matter your end result. Either you come out a victor with a child in your arms, or you come out a victor armed with knowledge and strength beyond what you could have imagined. Not everyone will have a baby at the end of the infertility journey. I wish everyone could have a happy ending, but we all know that won't happen. Please don't give up on your dream, because dreams come true every day and you never know what day might be YOUR day.

I would like to say it all goes away once you have your dream(s) in your arms, but it doesn't. I'm still infertile and I'm sure I will always feel many of the same emotions. I still feel jealous of those who achieve pregnancy easy. I also now feel jealous of people who have normal pregnancies and those who got to bring their babies straight home. For all of this I'm stronger. For thinking I might lose my boys, I love them with more ferocity. For having to endure over a month stay in the NICU, I now know that angels come in the form of NICU nurses. My babies are fighters just like their momma.

IT IS WORTH IT! Never forget how amazing and strong you are!!

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