Long time no post

As I'm sure you can imagine working full time and raising twins is quite time consuming. I just got them put down to bed for the night. They were pretty cranky because the last few weeks they have been ain't nap. Today they had a 35 min nap. Thought I would also share one of their Halloween pictures. Hope all is well for all of you!

Long time no write..

Truth be told, writing this blog right now is the LAST thing I should be doing. I still have to finish up next weeks lesson plan. I need to write out my sub plans for Tuesday because I'll be gone that day... There's just a million and one things I should be doing instead, but I thought I would take a couple of minutes to update y'all on the dynamic duo because they are napping.

They are almost 8 months old (6 months adjusted). Can you believe that?!? OMG!! It seems like just yesterday I was trying to get Ronin to move out of my ribs and I was waddling like a penguin!

Both of them are healthy and growing, which is the most important thing. We went to the cardiologist last week to have a recheck for Ronin. He still has one hole in his heart, but one of them has healed. He goes back in a year for a recheck. The doctor still thinks it is likely that the hole will heal on it's own, but if it doesn't then it won't hold Ronin back at all. The Cardio told us that he has sent kids to college on full athletic scholarships with holes in their heart bigger than Ronin's.

At the Cardiologist Ronin weighed 13lbs 9oz. I know that Orion is topping 16lbs now. They both go back to their pediatrician on Tuesday for a weight check. They are both FINALLY on the normal growth chart. Ronin is on it for height and head circumference (not weight) and Orion is on it for everything. Both boys are very tall for their adjusted age. Here soon we will have to transition them to their convertible car seats. Both have started on solid food. They are doing really good. So far Orion is a more picky eater than Ronin. Their personalities are so vastly different!

Being a special education teacher and a mom is exhausting. I go 100 miles an hour all the time. I'm constantly in motion. I could really use a girls' night out... even if it's just going over to someone's house and us having girl talk over some cheese and wine. The kids could even be around... I just want some adult interaction.

It doesn't look like we will be moving into our house until April 1st. Boo. I'm ready for my own space and I'm sure my mom and dad are ready to have us out of their hair. I'm ready to have my stuff back and sleep in my own bed. I'm ready for the boys to have their cribs and get back to "normal."

I've decided NOT to teach summer school. Yes, the money would be nice, but after last summer and the chaos it was, I think I just want a darn break. By golly... I've EARNED IT!!!

Rollar Coaster of Life

Life has been a crazy, whirlwind rollar coaster as of late! November 18th I started my new job as a FAA (Functional Applied Academics) teacher. I am a special education teacher for children who are severely disabled. Thayer is now a stay-at-home dad while I go out and earn all the dough. We are now living back in Kansas and will hopefully be moving into our own house in January sometime. Right now we are staying with my parents. It seems like I work all the time. Even when I'm home I'm doing paper work, lesson plans, organizing, etc for my class and students. Such is the life of a teacher though, especially a special education teacher. I've had a lot of meetings and other things as well. It never seems to end.

The boys also got sick for the very first time. The weekend before Thanksgiving Orion went to the ER and ended up having Croup. He sounded awful and it was so scary. I was so frightened that he might have RSV. Then the night before Thanksgiving Ronin got sick as well. He went to the ER too and was diagnosed with Pnemonia. Then the week after that Orion got croup again. BLAH!! Sick babies are NOT fun. It was a rough 3 weeks. Both of them are now on the mend though!

During this time I also had people come out and evaluate them to make sure they are on track developmentally. So far so good. Both passed their evals. I'll call in another 6 months and have them come out again. It's free so why not right?

Yesterday the boys turned 6 months old. Yes... it has been that long already!

Not So BOGO

Recently there has been a lot of talk in the infertility community about a couple who was angered when the conceived twins via IVF. Click to read the article: Couple blogs they are 'angry'

I had read this before. Before having the procedure they knew the risks of having twins. I, too, knew the risks of us having twins while on Clomid was greater. (Our twins were not caused by fertility drugs, however, because they are identical.) I knew the risks of becoming pregnant with them, but I had NO idea all the risks and complications that come with having a multiple pregnancy.
That being said, I would never wish a multiple pregnancy on anyone, especially one with identicals (mo/di or mo/mo). There are so many more risks and complications. We almost lost our boys. We almost had to deliver them at 23 weeks. You’re at a much higher risks of miscarriage, gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia, and stillbirth. Mo/di and mo/mo also have the risk of twin to twin transfusion which can cause the death of not one, but both babies and this occurs in 10% of these types of pregnancies. Mo/mo pregnancies are usually hospitalized after 21 weeks and constantly monitored because the risk of cord incidence is so high. The babies share an amniotic sac and one baby can literally grab the cord of the other one and “strangle” it. Two of my friends on a twin support group had their twins early (26 weeks and 31 weeks) and each of them lost one of their babies due to pre-term labor. Even my twins were born at 33 weeks due to complications (IUGR due to marginal cord attachment). One or both could have lifelong struggles because of it.

In some ways I empathize with the couple. There was even a twice that I remember during my pregnancy that I lay in bed, doubled over in pain crying that I said, “But I only wanted one.” Does that make me a horrible person? No. I was scared and in pain. Does it mean I don't love my kids? No. Does it mean I wasn't grateful to be having my babies after years of trying? Not at all. It simply makes me human.

In some ways, it’s a situation I don’t think you can fully comprehend until you’ve been there. Last week I went to a Mom’s of Multiples meeting. We all had the same consensus. We hate hearing people say “I wish I had twins.” It’s not because we don’t love our children, it’s because they really have no idea the difficulties that come with it both in pregnancy and after. Yeah… it seems like the ultimate BOGO… but it really isn’t. It's hard, harder than most people even imagine.

Hectic

It's been a long time since I posted a blog... and I'm sure you understand there's a couple of good reasons why. Orion came home from the hospital on July 15th and Ronin followed a week later on July 22nd. They are great babies. They are EASY babies as well. *knock on wood* I have them on the same eating schedule, which has helped tremendously. They eat 8 times a day, every 3 hours. They are growing well, but they still have a long way to go until they are caught up with each other. Last Thursday Orion weighed 6lb. 12oz and Ronin weighed 5lb. 2oz. They've come such a long way since they were born.

The progress they made in 5 weeks.

Orion - August 4th

Ronin - August 4th

Another reason I've been MIA is that my sister, Heather passed away. As my friends already know, my sister Kim was killed in 2007. On June 19th (the day after the twins were born), Heather had surgery to remove a tumor by her brain stem. There ended up being numerous complications and she ended up coding on the them twice. Because of the surgery and the additional damage caused by lack of oxygen when she coded it was determined that her quality of life would be very poor. She didn't want to live like a vegetable for the rest of her life, so the decision was made to let things take their course and let her pass. My sister passed away July 20, 2013. The most difficult part for me is my concern for my nephew. My sister Heather's son just turned 5 on July 12th. He struggles at times, and at times he's a typical 5 year old.

Heather, Me, my Nephew

Incubating 2 Babies

Granted, I've never had a successful single pregnancy, but I can't imagine it being more tiresome than trying to grow 2 healthy babies. My body feels like it's maxed out. Today I've done virtually nothing. I've vegged out on the couch almost all day but still couldn't keep my eyes open and ended up taking an hour and a half long nap.

Right now I have about 6 1/2lbs of baby inside my stomach... not to mention the extra weight of 2 amniotic sacs, an extra large placenta... etc. I'm only 30 weeks pregnant, but I'm the size of someone 36+ weeks pregnant. This means by the end of my pregnancy I will probably be the size of someone 43+ weeks pregnant... how fun does that sound? I still work (at least for a few more days) when most twin mommas have been put on at least modified bed rest at this point. According to my doctors I've been doing really well and I've had a boring pregnancy as far as severe complications go. This is almost amazing considering my medical history of gastric bypass. Granted it is safer for me to be pregnant after post weight loss surgery than to be pregnant and obese, but the food restrictions from the surgery could have caused me some difficulties, especially carrying twins because they require a lot more nutrients, etc. from my body.

Summary of a Twin Pregnancy... from my point of view.

First Trimester - I was lucky. I only had morning sickness for about 4 weeks. In the world of multiples this was an amazing blessing. With the help of Zofran, even the morning sickness wasn't that unbearable. I had some tiredness and fatigue. There were a few nights when I went to bed at 8pm because I simply couldn't keep my eyes open, but all in all it wasn't that bad. The mutiple trips to the bathroom began early on (7ish weeks). Since almost the beginning I've had to get up every 2-3 hours to use the restroom. All and all, though, my first trimester was a breeze.

Second Trimester - Again, this was pretty boring other than the little scares that Ronin and his growth gave us. We had a lot more monitoring because of having twins and a lot more ultrasounds to make sure they were both growing and healthy. I've had slightly more testing done on me as well to make sure that I'm staying healthy because my health directly affects their house. I don't really have any complaints about my 2nd trimester either. Towards the end I started feeling pretty large and uncomfortable. Both of the boys turned breech so I had two little babies kicking on my bladder. All in all... The time up to 27 weeks pregnant was pretty easy as well.

Third Trimester (so far) (yes this contains some complaining) - Glucose test, NSTs, Ultrasounds... I feel huge and incredibly uncomfortable and I still have 6 weeks to go. Both boys are still breech and still being ninjas on my bladder and now they've discovered how fun it is to punch my ribs and stick their heads up in my ribs. I literally woke up at 2am in the other night and it looked like I had a 3rd boob. There was a huge baby head lump right under my sternum. It hurt so bad. They are starting to run out of room in there and so when they do big movements it hurts... really bad. Ronin switched positions from being straight up and down breech to being diagonal and it had me in tears. Personally, I'm hoping that neither one of them decides to flip all the way around to vertex because I would just be excruciating. Additionally, I'm so tired. By the time I get home from work I want nothing more than to relax on the couch and prop my feet up. I've also gotten swelling in my ankles and feet. It goes down every night, but it makes my legs/feet ache and hurt, especially after I work all day. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. The kids are amazing and so are my co-workers/bosses... it's just that my body is starting to get worn out. I feel like I live at the doctors. I'm thankful that the three of us are being taken so well taken care of, but each appointment is stressful because I go in thinking the worse. I also feel like I live in the bathroom. The other night I was up every hour to pee. It's getting difficult to get up out of bed and up off the couch. Sometimes Thayer has to help me. I'm still lucky enough to be in the "I haven't peed myself" club. My self-esteem is shot. I feel like I look like a whale, even though it is very obvious that I'm VERY pregnant. I have noticed, though, that people are extra nice to pregnant people. When I go shopping, people are more likely to hold the door or help me reach things.

All in all... If I could fast-forward the next 6 weeks I would. I'm ready to meet my little boys. I still have difficulty believing that there are two little lives growing in my belly. I'm not sure that it will even completely sink in that I'm going to be a mother to two children until I see and hold them both in my arms. I love them so much and know that all that I'm going through to make sure they are healthy will be worth it in the end when I get to kiss their little faces and count their fingers and toes. Don't get me wrong... I don't regret a single moment of this. But like my doctor told me, a human body wasn't designed to carry more than one baby at a time. The physical demands it takes to have twins or other higher order multiples puts a lot of extra strain on the momma.

29 weeks... Discordant :(

Today's Appointment

So today was our next growth scan. The last one was 4 weeks ago and the one prior to that was 7 weeks ago. 7 weeks ago the boys were 23% different in growth size. This was when they bumped up my monitoring to make sure they weren't having TTTS. Fast forward 3 weeks. The boys were now only 16% apart in growth, which was great. Today, however, we weren't as fortunate. The boys are now 28% different in growth. Anything above 20% is considered discordant. Their stats were: Orion (3lbs 8oz) and Ronin (2lbs. 9oz). The goodish news is that even though there is a big discrepancy in their growth, Ronin is still within normal range and Orion is a "big baby."

Because of the growth discrepancy I had to stay extra time so the boys could have extra tests ran on them. First they checked blood flow to both of their umbilical cords. This all looked good. Both boys had good supply. Then they did a Non-Stress Test (NST). This is where they hook up 2 fetal heart rate monitors and a contraction monitor. They then observe the babies for at least 20 minutes. During this time they are looking for accelerations in their heart rates (due to movement and activity on their part... when we move and exercise our heart rates go up, the same applies to the babies). They want these accelerations to occur twice within a 20 minute period. This is to also make sure they are getting adequate supply from the placenta. Baby B (or Ronin) passed with flying colors. He was active and had several accelerations. Baby A (Orion) wanted to be lazy. They had to use a little vibrator/buzzer thing (sorry don't remember the name) on my belly to try to get him awake and moving. It took 3 times because he just wanted to be lazy and hang out. (Little fatty... lol). After about 40 minutes of being hooked up it was determined that they were both doing fine.

I then went to talk to the MFM. My normal MFM wasn't in today so I saw the other one for the first time. He recommended that I go ahead and have the steroid shots done because I could come in at any time and have a baby in distress and have to deliver immediately and there wouldn't be time for the steroids. So.. I got one burny butt shot on the right side today and I get the other burny butt shot on the left side tomorrow. The steroid shots help their lungs (mainly) and other organs mature more quickly in case they do have to be taken even earlier than expected.

Basically what all of this means is my level of care is being bumped up significantly. I will go in every week for a NST and ultrasound to check amniotic fluid. I will have another growth scan in 3 weeks. Hopefully we can keep these boys in their cooking for the next 7 weeks when my C-section is scheduled. It definitely looks like it will be a c-section and not induction because both boys are still in breech position as well.

In Other News...

Saturday we had our maternity photoshoot. I have a few "sneak peaks" to share. The full album won't be available for us to view for about 2 weeks since she has to go through and edit all of the pictures. Here are the sneak peaks... it will also serve as my 29 week pictures!

Decisions A Mom Shouldn't Have to Make

Today was my growth scan for the twins. It didn't go well. 4 weeks ago the twins were slightly different sizes. Baby A was 1oz. bigger than Baby B. Fast forward to today. Baby A is now 23% larger than Baby B. Baby A is 1lb.2oz while Baby B is only 14oz. My MFM said the point where they really start to get concerned is 25%, so we are right on the cusp. There are a lot of potential decisions that Thayer and I might have to make over the next month or two... none of which will be easy.

Starting now I go in every week for an ultrasound. The growth discrepancy may be the first sign that they are developing twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS). They want to be able to catch it early so I can have the laser surgery to sever the blood vessels that the twins share, thus getting rid of the TTTS. There are some problems with this, however.

They may never develop TTTS and may continue to grow accordingly... though be very different sizes. Or Baby B could quit growing. If that were the case we would have to decide to induce and have them very early (as early as 25 weeks) and try to save them both with all the risks of having super preemie babies OR we would could choose to continue the pregnancy longer knowing that Baby A would be completely safe and Baby B would have a significant chance of being stillborn.

There are some doctors researching doing the laser for twins that are just dis-coordinate in growth and there has been some success, but on the other side of the coin there are risks. In some cases, the severing of the blood vessels leads to death of the smaller baby because the only way it was getting nutrition was through those blood vessels via the bigger twin. Also, we don't know if I would even be a candidate for this surgery... but it's a decision we may have to make.

If the babies are even further off in size at my next growth scan (in 3 weeks... the one every week is to check for TTTS) they will give me the two steroid shots in preparation for pre-mature delivery to give them the best possible chance of survival.

So it may come down to us having to choose to completely save one baby and know the other will die, or try to save both babies knowing that they could both die from being born so early.

I don't want to bury either one of my babies. I don't want to be the mother of two (or three) angels. I want to be the mother of two miracles. Even though my doctor assured me there was/is nothing I could have or could be doing different to help them... I somehow feel like I've failed. I feel broken again. I feel like I can never do anything right. Why do bad things always happen to me? I'm tired of having to be strong. I'm tired of struggling. I just wanted something to go right for once, but it seems I can never catch a break.

Right now I'm scared to even keep buying things in preparation for two because what if one of them dies? What if I have two cribs and one sits unused and empty? What about the carseats we already have?

I think I've included just about everything the doctor told me. Right now I'm still trying to process it all. What we could really use right now is good thoughts and prayers.

20 weeks - a little late

20 weeks... flat tummy is LOOONG gone...

So this blog is a little late as I will be 21 weeks tomorrow... better late than never I suppose!

I had another appointment/ultrasound with the MFM (high risk doctor) on Wednesday. The babies looked great. This time they were checking their amniotic fluid and their kidneys and bladder to make sure there is no twin to twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS) happening. Their heart rates were 134 and 145, which is normal. Both of their hearts looked good as well. That's still one of the coolest things to see... all 4 little chambers just pumping away like crazy. I'm feeling good. I do get some lower back discomfort, but other than that I feel great on most days. I've been feeling a lot more movement. I've even felt them on the outside twice now. Still no luck with Thayer being able to feel them. Hopefully that will happen soon. Yesterday he spent like 30 minutes just laying on the couch with me rubbing my belly.

I did some shopping for the nursery. I got $140 worth of stuff for $70 at Hobby Lobby. I found two perfect wall decals for their room, teal letters of R and O to go above their cribs with the other wall decor I plan on making (thank you Pinterest). I also found a twin picture frame so I bought one for myself and one for my mom. They say "Two peas in a pod" and are blue/cream striped with a little pea pod. So cute! It's so difficult to find things like that for twins! I also found two little woven baskets to help organize things on their changing table.

It's so nice to finally feel comfortable buying things for my boys. Most of my worries are gone. I have just a couple of more weeks until they reach viability outside of the womb. (24 weeks).

Now for pictures from my appointment! Little baby A was having an attitude again. He did not want his 3D picture taken and gave the tech a hard time. Both of them spent the whole appointment with their legs crossed. I guess they were being modest.

Baby A's profile... the blob to the left is Baby B (they were head to head this time).

Baby A's foot in 3D

Baby A in 3D

Baby B's profile

Baby B's face in 3D

Another shot of Baby B's face in 3D

And They Are....

Identical Bouncing Baby Boys!!

Their names will be Orion Rey and Ronin Lee!!!!

We found out today that the Clomid had absolutely NOTHING to do with us having twins. Clomid can cause fraternal twins, but not identical. After conception the fertilized egg divided and both zygotes ended up implanting. The twins are in separate sacs, but they share a placenta so it is 100% certain they are identical.

Baby A (8oz) was slightly larger than Baby B (7oz). A's heartbeat was 155 and B's was 161. As far as the anatomy scan portion, both babies were perfect. Brain and heart looked good. It was interesting to see their little hearts beating because you could see all 4 chambers pumping away. Legs, arms, and all other organs were perfect and working.

We also found out because they share a placenta, there are a few extra risks so I will be monitored more closely than if they were fraternal. I will have even more ultrasounds than first thought. I will have a growth ultrasound every 4 weeks, then I will have one every opposite 4 weeks checking the amniotic fluid and making sure they both have fluid in their bladder and digestive system. So I will have one an ultrasound every 2 weeks as they will alternate these different types of scans. The one monitoring the fluid in their digestive system is to help monitor for twin to twin transfusion syndrome. This can happen when babies share a placenta (food source). They are linked through blood vessels in the placenta and in 15% of these types of pregnancies one twin will rob nutrients from the other, making one much smaller than the other. If they see this beginning to happen they can treat it so the babies aren't at risk. I will continue to see my regular OB every 4 weeks along with the MFM doctor. They will work together to coordinate my (our) care to ensure we're getting all the monitoring and testing we need done.



Orion and Ronin snuggled together! B's head is on the left and A's is on the right.

Baby A's face

Baby B's face

Profile of Baby A



Baby A's boy parts



Baby B's boy parts

Decisions!

I had another doctor appointment on Feb. 27th. It went great. We went in and my OB came in with a nurse practitioner. He told me since the babies are so close together he would rather look at them via the in-office sonogram instead of trying to find and hear them both on through the doppler. He also asked me if I would mine the NP practicing her sonogram skills on me. OF COURSE I WOULDN'T! lol I'll take any and all opportunities to see our babies as much as possible. We got to watch them for about 5 minutes. They checked their heartbeats, but didn't take a reading on them. I just can't help but smile ear to ear when I see them moving around in there and know that they're growing and healthy!

My OB also wanted me to have my first visit with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor (aka, high risk) next week so I will see her on March 6th. This is simple a precaution because I'm having twins. There isn't anything wrong with me or the babies at this point. I do have a higher risk of pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, pre-term labor, etc. That is the reason why I have to see the MFM doctor. I do believe that I have started having some problems with my bloodsugar dropping low. This scares me some. I know the symptoms of low bloodsugar and that is definitely what I'm experiencing. I will definitely be talking to the doctor about this because I'm not supposed to have my glucose test until 26 weeks.

The most exciting thing about seeing the MFM is we also get to have our anatomy scan. This means we'll find out the sexes of the babies! We will find out on March 6th!! I'm so ready, and it's just in time for 2 consignment sales so maybe I can get some good bargains!!

My next appointment with my regular OB is March 29th. I'm not sure how often I will be seeing the MFM. I do know after 20ish weeks I will have an ultrasound every 3 weeks to check the growth of the babies.

We have officially decided on names for the babies. We have a set of names ready for each possible gender scenario (boy/girl, girl/girl, and boy/boy). I love them and so does Thayer.. and we don't really care what anyone else thinks. These are our babies and we'll name them what we want. All of the first names are pretty unique and the middle names are common. I think that makes for a nice combination.

We also have a date set for the baby shower. It will be on May 4th. It's pretty early, but that's good because I could be put on bedrest pretty early in my 3rd trimester. Also, it is out of state in Kansas and it's a long drive when you're super pregnant (4 1/2 hours). I'm really looking forward to it!

I have also found a photographer to do our maternity and newborn pictures. We've decided to have our maternity pictures taken at the park where we got married. I think that is a great idea and it is a beautiful park!

13 weeks -- Welcome to 2nd Trimester!!

Today is my birthday :) and today was the best, most amazing birthday I have ever had in my life. Today marked the beginning of my 2nd trimester with these little bugs! It's been such a long journey getting to this day and it couldn't have come on a better day! 3 1/2 years and one angel in heaven. Finally we will be able to hold two little miracles on Earth. (Here I go getting hormonal and tearing up as I'm typing this.) This morning before our ultrasound and prenatal appointment I was thinking about the road we've been on and now it's finally over. All the timed sex, temperature taking, waiting, hoping, peeing on things... it's over! Our miracles have made it to their 2nd trimester and are growing wonderfully! I feel so grateful, happy, and blessed.

We had our ultrasound this morning at 9am. It was nothing but great news. Both babies are measuring 13 weeks 1 day. They are measuring one day ahead of schedule. The MOST important new, however, was that they saw a membrane between the twins. This SIGNIFICANTLY reduces the risk with twins. If the membrane doesn't exist the chances of having a cord incident is very high. I'm so happy we were able to see that there is something separating them!! That was a huge relief to both of us. They were able to see both of the babies stomachs. This means they are both swallowing and that their digestive system is working. That was also a relief. They also were able to see their Nuchal Translucency scan (we chose not to do the blood work so they measured on the ultrasound) showed no build up of fluid which is a great thing. This means there is little risk of Downs Syndrome and other birth defects!

Baby A - This little bug had a heart rate of 153bpm. I have nicknamed this baby "The Attitude" because it kept wanting to cross its arms and heart its little heartbeat from the tech.

Baby B - This little one had a heart rate of 157bpm. This baby is nicknamed "Squirmy Wormy" because it was all over the place, kicking, waving, wiggling, having a party in my uterus.

Gender: We also have an "off the record" gender prediction. The ultrasound tech said if he had to lean one way or another he thinks they are both boys... Two boys.... what am I ever going to do!? lol We won't know for certain until we have our anatomy scan at about 20 weeks. This will be sometime in March (6ish weeks). I'm still crossing my fingers that there is a little girl in there!!

I've actually gained a few pounds. I'm still 3 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight, but I've gained 6.5lbs of the 10lbs I lost back. Nausea kind of comes and goes. I went a week and a half with no nausea, then bad nausea again for 4 days. Now it's pretty intermittent. Other than that, I'm still having "growing pains" and some lower back pain. My uterus is approximately the same size as 18 week singleton pregnancy.

I think I'm going to have to tell my new job very soon. I'm kind of scared. I don't want them to think I was hiding it from them, but I didn't feel it was theirs or anyone's business until I knew both of these babies were in the "safe zone." I just hope they don't let me go or find a reason to let me go because I know they can't fire me just because I'm pregnant.

Me at 13 weeks... sexy bump right?

2 heads are better than one!! :)

Baby A :)

Baby B :)

9 days!

So it is 9 days until my birthday. 9 days until I see my babies again. 9 days until I see their little heart beating. 9 days until I get to hold my husband's hand while we smile at their little wiggling bodies growing in my tummy. 9 days... :)

I can NOT wait for these 9 days to pass!

I hope that we are able to see the membrane between them. Because of the Clomid, there is little chance that they are identical. I'm excited to see them again. They'll look like little people now instead of little blobs. We'll be able to see their little arms and legs! I'm ready to know that they're both still in there growing and doing well. I'm ready for that reassurance. Then I know I'll just be counting down the days until our anatomy scan at 20ish weeks.

I can not honestly believe I am almost through my first trimester. I am almost 1/3 of the way done with being pregnant. It's so surreal after the journey we've had to get pregnant. I'm trying to love every minute of it and not take any of it for granted. I'm thankful for all the symptoms I've had... even all day sickness. I know the other side of the coin. I know what it's like to long to be a mother. This year I'll actually be able to celebrate Mother's Day instead of spending the day in sorrow. :)

11 weeks and growing!

Today marks 11 weeks. It's getting hard to hide this growing bump behind baggy clothes. The last couple of days I broke out some maternity pants because all my normal pants are just plain uncomfortable! Because I'm carrying twins my uterus is measuring anywhere between 14 and 17 weeks pregnant (3-6 weeks more than a singleton pregnancy). That would definitely explain this bumpity bump I have going on. Seeing my tummy growing is kind of reassuring that they're both still in there and they're both still okay. That's still my biggest concern. I'm still so frightened that this is going to be taken away from me. I wish I could live in blissful ignorance like so many pregnant women and never worry that my children may die inside me, but I know better than that. I've experienced that heartbreak.

11 weeks!!

I do know, however, I'm going to go through at least 2 sizes of maternity clothes because the Large pants I have... the elastic is NOT going to stretch enough to accommodate a twin size belly.

Oh... My dad so lovingly said the other day that "Mary's going to look like a beach ball with arms and legs." lol Thanks dad! It's probably true though. I'm so short (5'1") that I'm going to be all belly, but not one of those cute basketball bellies. I'll be gigantic.

Most of my symptoms are pretty much gone. I do have some nausea every now and again. My breasts are still sore and growing like crazy. (Let me tell you how excited Thayer is about that... lol). I'm still tired a lot. I've been sick, but I think I might be slowly getting over that. Thank God!

As far as the babies go... at the end of this week they will no longer be considered embryos, they will be fetuses. Most of their organs are fully formed and starting to function. Each baby is about 1.6 inches long and weighs about .25 ounces. They are each about the size of a lime!

Names and Worry Wart

So Thayer and I have chosen some names for the babies. We're keeping them secret for now but if we have two boys, their initials will be ORO and RLO. If we have a girl and a boy, the girl's initials will be AMO and the boys will be ORO. Now we're just stuck on a second girl name if we have 2 girls. The first girls initials will be KMO. We're struggling with another name that would mesh well with the K name. I figure we have plenty of time to figure it all out. We're over half way until we find out the sex of them.

The closer it gets to my birthday the more apprehensive I am. I'm so worried that we are going to go the the appointment on the 29th and find out bad news like one or both of the babies have no heartbeat. I'm not sure how well I would deal with getting horrible news like that on my birthday. Thayer has repeated told me not to worry about it, that it wasn't going to happen. I'm just so scared that this is going to be taken away from me again. I'm so grateful to be pregnant with one, let alone two, babies. I'm trying my best not to think about it or worry about it too much, but like I've said before, I think it is going to be a fear I have throughout my entire pregnancy. Even after I make it through my first trimester, there will still be concerns such as pre-term labor, complications like high blood pressure, and even still birth. I'm not sure I'll really breathe easy until I'm holding my two little rainbow angel babies in my arms.

On the other hand, I am excited to see my little "blobs" again. This time they'll actually look like little people as I'll be 13 weeks along. I'm excited to see and hear their little heartbeats and see them wiggle all around in the ultrasound. They will have grown so much in just a short time. It will be truly amazing to see the little miracles I have growing in my tummy.

10 weeks...

Today marks 10 weeks, at least by how the babies were last measuring. I'm not sure if they'll adjust my due date at my next appointment or not.

I've been sick since Saturday thanks to my husband. My chest is really congested, especially at night. It's not fun at all. I'm already up every few hours to pee and now I'm up coughing too.

It would seem that my morning sickness is basically gone. I'm hoping that it's a good sign and not a sign that something is wrong. That is still always in the back of my mind. I'm still always secretly wondering when this is going to be taken away from me. I know all too well that it isn't a "sure" thing. I might feel this way my whole pregnancy, who knows?

Thayer has been taking pretty good care of me. He runs and fetches things when I don't feel like getting up off the couch. He even had a dream last night about the babies. He had a dream we went on a shopping spree for them and bought all kinds of baby things. I thought that was really interesting. I've had a few weird dreams, but none really about the babies. I think Thayer has a better grasp that we're having twins than I do. I still usually refer to them as "baby" and then he corrects me and says "babies."

Symptoms: constipation (still really, really bad), sore nipples, exhaustion

Baby Bump??
Thayer has decided my belly is poking out more. I came home from work yesterday and he poked me (gently) and said, "They're showing." lol thanks hunny... how nice. I just feel like a fat balloon. Here's a comparison pic. One from 8 1/2 weeks pregnant and one from today... what do y'all think?

Left side 8 1/2 weeks and Right side was today, 10 weeks.

Plugging Away

The last couple of days I've been beyond exhausted. I got a long term sub job in a high needs, high school special education class. The kids are great... I'm just lacking energy, especially with having to get up at 5:30am. Making 2 babies is serious business.

My latest craving has been Spicy Chicken Sandwiches from Wendy's and french fries with buffalo sauce. I still haven't gained any weight, even though some of my pants have already had to be retired.

According to how the babies are measuring instead of my LMP I'm currently 9w3d. I'm sure things are going well. The risk of MC at this point is pretty low since they both have well established heartbeats.

We're still concerned about the membrane, but trying not to dwell on it too much. At this point there is nothing we can do about it. It will either be there and be seen or it won't be there and I'll have a very high risk pregnancy. From what I've been reading, however, a lot of women had an ultrasound at 8-9 weeks where they weren't able to see the membrane but were able to see it between 12 and 14 weeks. My next appointment is at 13 weeks, so there is definitely still hope. Also, at my first ultrasound at the ER when we found out that there were 2 babies, they pointed out the 2 different yolk sacs. While this isn't a 100% indicator, it is a pretty decent indicator that they fraternal and will have a membrane separating them. We just have to hope and pray for the best at this point. If no membrane exists they will be mo/mo twins, meaning they share an amniotic sac and a placenta. The reason the membrane is so crucial, if there isn't one the twins umbilical cords could get tangled or wrapped around each other, cord compression could happen, cutting of nutrients/oxygen to one or both of them as they grow, or a syndrome called twin to twin transfusion syndrome could happen where one twin steals the blood supply from the other. Usually in the case of mo/mo twins, mothers are admitted full time to the hospital around 24-26 weeks for 24/7 monitoring to ensure that none of these are happening. This, of course, is worse case scenario. Because our twins were conceived with Clomid and more than likely from 2 separate eggs, there is also a lower likelihood that they are mo/mo twins. All mo/mo twins are identical (came from same egg).

The other two types of twins are di/di and mo/di. Di/di twins have 2 different amniotic sacs and 2 different placentas and di/mo twins have 2 different amniotic sacs and share a placenta.

I've had no more spotting since our adventure in the ER, so that is very promising. Spotting is more common in twins and other multiples. We decided to chalk the spotting up to the fact that they are already fighting and bickering in the womb. lol :)

I am anxiously awaiting our next appointment. It seems like a million days away. Not only is it on my birthday, but it is also on the first day of 2nd trimester... AKA the SAFE ZONE!

1+1=4?

So yesterday around 5pm I went to the restroom and found blood in my undies and when I wiped. This, of course, immediately freaked me out. I called my OB's on-call nurse who told me, based on the bleeding and the clots I passed in addition to the back pain I was having I should be seen within the next 4 hours. Thayer and I went straight to the ER in my hometown (we are out of state visiting family). The got me back in a room and did blood work and had me pee in a cup. Then we waited for an ultrasound tech to come in. They don't have one on staff 24/7 because it's such a small hospital so they had to call her in. At about 8pm we went back to have our ultrasound. Of course I was expecting the worst.

They started with a transabdominal US and took some pictures of my ovaries and uterus, but couldn't get a clear picture of what was going on in my uterus. She then switched to an transvaginal US. After lots of looking and measuring the ultrasound tech zooms in on my uterus and says, "Looks like we have two kiddos in there." She then proceeded to show us Baby B followed by Baby A. She took pictures and measurements of each and checked their heart rates. Baby A had a heart rate of 174 and Baby B had a heart rate of 177. There are 2 yolk sacs, and based on the fact that I ovulated out 2 eggs, our best guess at the moment is that they are fraternal twins.

Both babies are measuring 8w3d as of yesterday. It was pretty hard to get measurements on them because they were pretty wiggly and one wanted to hide some. Based on the day I ovulated instead of my last menstral periods I should be 8w4d as of yesterday (by LMP I would be 9w1d). The on-call OB I saw said things look good, and they couldn't pin point the cause of the bleeding. Since last night, the spotting has stopped. I'm on pelvic/bed rest until I see my regular OB on Wednesday.

Needless to say, we are a little bit shocked. We didn't really expect this at all. 3 1/2 years of trying for one little baby and not being able to manage it, all of a sudden we're having two. Guess I can look at is as I only have to go through morning sickness, pregnancy, labor/delivery, etc. once because we only plan to have 2 children.

We were too shocked, I think, to even ask for a print out of pictures of the little bugs. We should have those on Wednesday though because they were planning on doing and ultrasound that day anyways.

8w4d with TWINS!