Felt Good to Forget

So this last cycle I kind of said screw it and didn't really keep close track of things like I usually do. I took my Clomid CD 5-9. I did a few OPKs but didn't keep doing them until I got a positive. To be honest, I had a lot going on and I completely forgot. Thayer and I just BD'd every other day like usual. It was a lot less stressful. I had ovulation pains and then a temp rise a day later. So I know I ovulated. As of today I'm either 7 or 8dpo. It really felt good to just relax and forget about it for a while. Maybe that will be the trick.

Thayer and I celebrated our 4th anniversary on October 16th. I had parent/teacher conferences that night so we didn't really do much except go to dinner the night before. He bought me a dozen roses and had them delivered to the school. That was really sweet.

This weekend we went home for a visit. My mom and I took my nephew to the pumpkin patch. He had a great time. I love spending time with him. He's so cute and smart, though he can be a handful at times. We also had family pictures done. The last time we had family pictures done was when K (my nephew) was about a year old. I think after my sister passed away we really learned the value of having those memories and being able to look back.

Days Come and Go

This year will be my second year participating in the Wave of Light for Pregnancy and Infant Loss on October 15th. As many of my readers already know, I lost our first and only baby in 2011 to a miscarriage. It was difficult, and I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's still difficult. We have now been trying for over 3 years to have a successful and healthy pregnancy to no avail. Maybe our time will come this month. I still miss baby Hope every day. I probably will always miss her. As time has passed things have gotten easier, but I still have my moments of sadness. I think about next month would have been baby Hope's first birthday or this would have been baby Hope's first Halloween. It's difficult not to think about things like that. I know I sound like a Debbie Downer, but I miss my baby. I want to be a mother. Either way, I hope you all will join me in participating in the Wave of Hope at 7pm in your time zone. I know I will be lighting a candle and remembering baby Hope tomorrow night.

Maybe this will be our month. I'm pretty sure I ovulated today. I got a positive OPK today and I felt killer ovulation pain (think ice pick stabbing you where your ovary should be). I always have ovulation pain, but it gets really bad when I'm on Clomid. I will tomorrow morning if I really have ovulated or not because I will see if my temp rise has happened yet. Either way, we have the BDing bases covered.

Tuesday is also Thayer and I's anniversary. We will have been married for four years. Sometimes it feels like it has been forever and other times it feels like we haven't really been together that long. I think we're just going out to dinner on Tuesday night after I get done with Parent/Teacher conferences. We already got out anniversary present. We bought a Keurig that we have been using the crap out of. I absolutely love it. I make tea, cider, hot cocoa, and yes, coffee in it! Best investment I have made since getting my Dyson.

Next weekend we are going home for a visit and to have family pictures done. I'm looking forward to seeing my parents and (some) of my family. We haven't been back since August, which really isn't that long seeing as we used to go a whole year without seeing them back when we were stationed in Minot.

This week is also going to be difficult and sad. It is my last week at my internship. It is going to be so hard to say goodbye to the kids I've been working with this year. There are some that I've grown really attached to and that have grown really attached to me as well. One little guy I work with for almost 2 hours a day one-on-one. He is very worried about me leaving and keeps asking me to stay. I really wish I could. If we could afford it I would stay for the whole semester, but the truth is I really need to get a job. I am now waiting on my Praxis results (Teaching Certification Test). They should be here no later than the first week of November. I took the test last Friday and the results take up to around 3 weeks to get. I'm pretty sure I passed it, but there is still all this anxiety that comes along with taking a test that will determine your employability. I've been applying for a few jobs that I've seen open in the local area. There was one teaching job and there have been a few paraprofessional jobs. I'm going to call on Tuesday to make sure the school that had the teaching job open received my application. I'm crossing my fingers that I will at least get an interview. In some ways, I know it is kind of a long shot of me getting the job because I don't technically graduate until December, but once my Praxis results come back and are processed by DESE (Missouri Department of Elementary and Secondary Education) I will be certified to teach Special Education even though I don't have my degree yet.

On yet another exciting note, I have booked my boudoir photosession. I can't wait! I'm so excited. I have some awesome, sexy outfits to wear and got an awesome pair of stilleto heels to rock. The photoshoot is going to be at an old historic bed and breakfast that has different theme rooms all decorated in a Victorian style. It is going to be amazing. I'm going to get my nails and makeup done. If I'm going to do this, then I'm going to do it right!

Anniversary!

Today was Thayer and I's third anniversary. Three years down and we're both still alive. I do believe that is quite an accomplishment. Looking back on the last three years, we have definitely had our shares of ups and downs. We are not, by far, perfect, but we work hard to stay together. Not only are we a military family, which brings with it it's own set of complications. (Other military spouses know what I'm talking about.) We've had to deal with infertility, which is a heartbreak every month. Then we've also had to deal with a miscarriage, which was very hard on both of us, though Thayer didn't really let a lot of it show. We live in a place that neither of us really like. We've dealt with his family, especially his father. His father basically disowned him because he married me. We hear from the rest of his family maybe once or twice a year. It makes him so upset that they don't call, especially during hard times. They didn't even call when we had the flood up here that made national news. They don't know whether we live in town or on base, etc. It really hurt him that they didn't even bother to call and check, when I had several conversations with my family about it. That's just the tip of the iceberg. With a lot of things we've been through we should have sank like the Titanic. I simply think we're both too hard headed to give up or give in. So here we are, three years down the road and still married. I know many people thought we wouldn't last a year, let alone this long. We'll show them! Many people thought we were crazy for starting to date in July, engaged in September, then married in October. I guess sometimes you just know what's right. So far this is "just right."

So here's to Thayer and I. Three years and still going strong!

Engagement Picture!

Our Elopement Wedding in the Japanese Stroll Garden. Springfield, MO

Our Elopement Wedding in the Japanese Stroll Garden. Springfield, MO

Our Formal Wedding. June 5, 2009

Our Formal Wedding. June 5, 2009

Our Formal Wedding. June 5, 2009

 

Our Formal Wedding. June 5, 2009

Slammed the door and said, "I'm sorry I had a bad day again."

So I'll be the first to admit that I've been a moody bitch today. Probably PMS.

Today is my two year anniversary with my husband. We had a wonderful anniversary. We drove down to Bismarck and stayed the night. The steak I had at Texas Roadhouse was knock your socks off delicious! After dinner we went back to the hotel and played in the pool and relaxed in the hot tub. It was great to just take a break from life together. That night I got really sick with a horrible migraine. It was the worst I had had in months. I broke out in a cold sweat, was sick to my stomach. It was pretty awesome. I woke up in the morning and felt alright. We went to eat lunch at Qdoba. Super yummy gianormous burrito... so good! Then we drove out to Papa's Pumpkin Patch. We spent some time just goofing off and we each picked out a pumpkin. We came home and carved our pumpkins with the help of the dogs. Mine is Boo from Super Mario Bros. and Thayer carved a howling wolf. They look pretty awesome when they're lit up.

Today has just been a bad day other than it being our anniversary. I've felt sick off and on all day. I'm incredibly tired. I'm really moody and my boobs hurt. I know some of you are thinking "OMG, sounds like you're pregnant" but I'm not going to get my hopes up at all. I know if I do that I'll just feel a million times more disappointed when I find out I'm not. Right now, I'm just trying to put it all of my mind. I know I've been feeling like a bitter bitch all day I have these mean thought that I normally wouldn't think running through my head and it makes me mad at myself. I'm not a mean person, but damn... I go back to the doctor in 5 days and we'll see what he says about getting started on more fertility treatments. Aunt Flo is supposed to make her appearance on the same day. There is a really good chance the next few days I'm going to be in a bad mood.

Determined

So this month I am determined to have a good... no GREAT month! So far it has been a good month, though it just started.

Oct. 16th is Thayer and I's anniversary. The last 2 years have had their ups and downs. I'm not going to lie... we've fought, we've yelled, we've said mean things to each other, but we have also loved, cared, hugged, kissed, and grown a lot closer. It's amazing how the one thing that makes me so sad can actually make a marriage that much stronger. Battling infertility has changed my view on so many things. I know that going through this battle together is only making our relationship stronger. I love my husband. I may bitch and complain about him at times, but I will always love him and I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I can't wait for us to have children. I think a child can be one of the ultimate forms of love. A child is a way for us to be together forever, even after we're gone, our love will always be carried on. For our anniversary I'm thinking about getting us a couple's massage from the spa downtown. lol That would be a treat for both of us and a day that we can relax and just enjoy being together. I'm sure I could use some down time.

I go back to the OB/GYN (a different one this time, thank GOD!!) on Oct. 21st. My bought with Provera is over and I'm curious whether I will ovulate this month. I'm betting not. I'm also curious if good old AF will visit me in a timely manner. I just want my body to get all straightened out again like it was when I first went of BC. Hopefully, Dr. Billings will finish up my testing and start me on Clomid. I'm so ready to get the ball rolling again. I'm also planning on having a wine night at my house prior to this doctor's visit. I want to clear all of the alcohol out of the house and really commit to this baby making again. I had kind of given up because I knew I wasn't ovulating, but now that there might be hope and a chance of getting pregnant I want to be prepared. Also, I'm not supposed to drink on my medicine (oops lol). Alcohol also does funny things to women with PCOS. We're kind of like diabetics in that aspect because of the insulin resistance. I will continue to cross my fingers and hope for the best because there isn't much more than that to do.

I'm sure there are other things going on this month, but at this early hour (1:35am), I am drawing a blank.

School is going well. After this semester I will be over half way done with my Master's program. I'm set to graduate December 2011.

We should hopefully know something about Thayer possibly deploying by the end of the month. I hope we know something soon because it effects my plans for school

Just Another Day...

So the last few days I have been loaded with homework. It was mostly my own fault because I procrastinated for entirely too long. I got it all done and submitted on time. So far I have a 4.0 in Grad school so I'm very proud of myself.

The weekend I have some things going on. Saturday I'm going shopping with Martha and Cristina and out to breakfast/lunch.

I'm currently reading a really awesome book called The Book Thief. It's set during WWII and takes a unique look at the situation between the Jews and Nazis. I definitely recommend it to everyone. It's technically a YA novel, but it is a book that everyone can get into and find something they relate to.

Thayer and I's anniversary is coming up. It's been an interesting 2 years, but I don't think I would change any of it. I love him, and at times I don't think that he even realizes how much I love and care about him.