Nothing Says Independence Day Like...

 ** Blowing shit up
 **Drinking... lots of drinking (speaking of which... I need to make a rum run for some strawberry mango daiquiris)
 ** Cookouts
 ** Oh and getting your period.

Today has been a lazy day. I started my period today... yay! I guess I should be thankful that it was only about 3 days later than "normal." (WTF is normal anyways when you have PCOS?!) Yesterday was CD32 and I've been getting my period on CD28 since going off birth control in March. Blah... It could be partly because I have not been taking my medicine like clockwork as I was before. There were a few weeks this month where I forgot to take my Metformin and other medications. I now have a reminder set on my cell phone and it really seems to be helping me remember a great deal. Since setting it up I have remember to take my medication every day.

Additionally, I would like to take this opportunity and blog post to thank all the men and women of the Armed Forces, past, present, and future for their service to this country. Nothing can every repay the debt of the blood and sacrifices they have and continue to make. I am the proud daughter and wife of United States Air Force veterans. Until you've been in the shoes of a military spouse, you will never know the difficulties they endure for the sake of love and devotion to a man/woman who loves and is devoted to his/her country. May our country continue to stand strong and proud. SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!!!

Hurry Up and Wait

It seems like for so long my life has been completely revolved around the concept of "hurry up and wait."

Being a military wife... your life is ruled by your husband's military career. I've had to put my life on hold in order to be with Thayer. I graduated in 2009 with a teaching degree that I still have not been able to use at all, not even to substitute teach.

Just like in the song, everything is now so close I can taste it, but I can't touch it. I'm working in Special Education, which is what I'm getting my Master's in, but I'm still not a teacher. I still don't have a classroom of my very own. I have more responsibility than the other paras because of my educational background, which is great because I'm soaking up the additional experience. I just wish I could be a teacher. Even now that we're down here and moving to Missouri, I don't know if I'll be able to find a job as a teacher. Things will be easier when I have my Master's in Special Education because there is a much greater demand for SpEd teachers than there is for English teachers. Right now there doesn't look like there is a whole lot out there for English. It's pretty discouraging. I'm so ready to have a classroom of my own. I want to help children/young adults.

Infertility has certainly thrown a kink into how I thought my life would play out. June will mark 3 years of trying to get pregnant. That's a long damn time. People who started trying for their first AFTER we started trying for our first are now pregnant/having their second child. It's frustrating. I'm terribly impatient to become a parent. I'm ready. I've been ready. I try to keep my head up. I try to keep plugging away, but it gets difficult at times. Sure I've said things that have rubbed people wrong. Sure, to some I may seem bitter, especially to those that have never walked in my shoes. I know I did the right thing by having my surgery. I feel so much better. I'm up to doing an hour of cardio a day. A week after surgery I could barely make it 5 minutes on my elliptical. I've had an amazing transformation in hopes of having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child.

Sometime I wonder how things would be different in my life... Sometimes I think about what might have or could have been. I know those are dangerous thoughts though. I can't go back and change the past and I just have to keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Update time (No Clever Title Today).

So Thayer and I made it to Kansas on the 25th of February. We made really good time on our trip. 1006 miles in 2 days from the Minot AFB gate to the driveway of my parent's house in Kansas.

The weather has been pretty amazing since we've been here. The highs have been in the 50s and 60s. We already had one severe storm. It shall be interesting to see Thayer go through tornado season in Kansas. Growing up in Guam and then living in North Dakota for the last almost 8 years doesn't exactly prepare you for storm season in tornado alley. He's definitely fascinated by the storms, lightening, etc. I am, on the other hand, scared to death of tornadoes and don't really enjoy the stormy weather. The dogs were not impressed by the storm the other night either. Myst grew up mainly in Kansas when she was little, but that was over 3 years ago. Kaia has never really been around severe weather. She was very restless and nervous about the rain and 60 mile per hour wind.

Monday I went for a job interview. I went out and bought a new shirt for the occassion because I don't really have any dress clothes that fit me. I looked pretty amazing. I went to the interview and they told me they would let me know by the end of the week if I had or hadn't gotten the job. They called me about an hour later to offer me the position. I will be working at an area elementary school as a paraeducator. The teacher is really excited about having me work for her since I can help her with a lot of things other paras can't, such as progress monitoring and IEP development. I will only be working about 30 hours a week, which is okay with me. It will be a nice break from my old job... actually, anything would be a nice break from that place. I will only be working there until school is out. I hope that in the meantime I can find a teaching job down in Missouri.

Things are going good with Thayer getting out of the Air Force thus far. We have base access until March 2014 and insurance until the end of September 2012. I should hopefully have a teaching job by the time we don't have Tricare anymore. That's the plan anyways. We all know how plans don't always work out.

I've ran into a few people I know around my small town. Most of them do double takes and it takes them a minute to realize who I am. Most of them recognize that they know me from some where, but it takes them a few moments to place exactly who I am. It was also awesome to go out and buy clothes for my new job. I really like trying on clothes now and I'm sure I will like it even more as I shrink more in size. I just had to buy some new clothes for my new job. I'm now officially a size 12. That's pretty amazing. From a 22 to a 12 in less than 6 months.

I'm planning on getting a membership to the YMCA because the place I'm working through gets an employee discount. I want to go to the Zumba classes they have on Tues and Thurs. I guess they also offer a water Zumba class twice a week that I might go to with a friend. I know I need to start doing exercises to help tone the excess skin I'm getting. I really hope that my young age (in comparison to other WLS patients) will work to my advantage to with the shrinkage of the excess skin on my arms, thighs, and stomach.

Here is another comparison picture. The picture on the right was taken right before I went to my interview on the 27th of February.

Final Countdown!

So I have had my new car for a little over a week now and I'm in love with it. I haven't found a single thing that I don't like about it. It drives like a dream and gets great gas mileage. I couldn't ask for more.... But that's not really what I logged on to write about tonight. I have big big big news.

Thayer finally got his orders. His official separation date from the Air Force is March 31st. He still needs to go in and talk to a recruiter and see if he really wants to join the Air Force Reserves or not. That is completely up to him. I will support his decision either way because at least I won't have to be the military's bitch anymore. I'm so fed up with them ruling my life and all of my decisions. I didn't think it would be like that. I knew they would have some control... but it is getting ridiculous. Anywho...

We also have our final out day of Minot. Thayer's leave/terminal leave got approved today. TMO is coming on the 17th to pack up all our belongings that we aren't taking in the car with us. Then they are coming back on the 21st to load everything into the truck. We are staying in TLF on the 23rd (luckily we got a pet friendly room!) Thayer goes for his final out appointment on the morning of the 24th. As soon as that is done we will hit the road and head for Sioux Falls, which is about the halfway point between Minot and my parent's house. I guess we will be staying with my parents for a little longer than we had originally anticipated, but it will be okay. I'm just glad I get along so well with my parents.

The only things still up in the air have to do with Thayer's decision to join the Reserves or not. If he does join that means he will have to go to tech school again because his current career field has nothing to do with anything the Reserves have to offer. If he doesn't, then he will start school in May. I hope that I'm able to find a teaching job. If not, then I can at least substitute teach. I only have to get my finger prints done in order to be fully certified.

There is a long list of things about Minot I will not miss and a fairly short list of things I will miss.

I will NOT miss not having a decent mall. I will NOT miss not being able to eat good Chinese or Mexican food. I will NOT miss all the snow (even though this year winter has been kind). I will NOT miss -30 windchills... This list could go on and on.

What I will miss... I will miss my military family. I have met some wonderful people up here and I will truly and sincerely miss each and every one of them. They know who they are (or at least they better!) It really is true that your friends become your family when you're in the military. That's who you spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the 4th of July with. I love my military family... I got to pick each and every special person that is a member of that family. Maybe one day we will meet again... ya know... in Vegas on our 30th birthdays.

It seems so surreal that we are leaving Minot, the military (potentially), and the first years of our marriage behind. It is time to start a new chapter.

I hope the new chapter goes something like this....
- I get a teaching job and finish my Master's degree.
- Thayer joins the Reserves and starts school (and graduates in about 4ish years)
- We are able to get pregnant when we start trying again... hopefully this fall.

Those are my hopes/dreams for the future... now here is to making them come true!!

Rounding out the Year

So 2011 is coming to a close. It has been a year full of ups and downs to say the least.

Yesterday was Christmas. On Christmas Eve we went over to a friend of ours and had a wonderful Christmas Eve with our military family. I tried goose for the first time. It was actually really good. Tasted a lot like steak to me, but with a little bit of a "gamey" taste. We opened presents and laughed. It was a good time with great friends.

Christmas day was pretty uneventful for Thayer and I. We played games and watched movies. I also did some housework. Christmas just isn't the same for me and I was trying my hardest to keep my mind off Baby Hope. It's so difficult to think we should have had a baby to celebrate with this year, but we didn't. It is still a hard pill to swallow at times. I know that people that haven't been in my shoes really just don't understand. I can't really expect them to. I can, however, expect them to have compassion and understanding for the feelings I have.

Thayer talked to his mom. His dad went to the Phillipines and left his mom all alone in Guam for Christmas. The shittiness of his father never ceases to amaze me. I guess to get him back, Thayer's mom is spending extra on the kids for Christmas. Since he is spending all this money over in the Phillipines, she is spending more on Thayer, his sister, and even me for Christmas. We also found out that next summer she is coming over to the states so spend a few weeks with us. Hopefully we are all settled in our new place in Missouri. Everything is up in the air still. Thayer is waiting on his official orders so we can start to arrange our move. We shall see if that happens. Once again we are left waiting. If we do get orders for March, then the last day we will possibly be out of here is March 31st... in 96 days.

For once, I wasn't trying to hide in pictures. I love all the new-found confidence I have. I can't believe how far I've come since September 7th. As of today I am down 60 pounds. That's half a person! Here's a picture from Christmas Eve! I'm starting to look skinny! 

You Turn Me Right Round Baby Right Round...

So, once again everything in my life is up in the air. Gotta love the Air Force. I'm so over being a military wife. It looks like we might be leaving Minot as early as March now. Thayer's separation date is listed as March 31st. I personally think they are trying to get him out before he goes in front of the medical review board so they can screw him out of disability. I guess we shall see what happens in the next few months. I hate never knowing what I can do with my life and having everything dictated by "the man." I'm ready for us to move on from the military. I know that it's scary for Thayer... and parts of it are scary for me too (like possibly not having insurance). I just want a date so I can start planning. For important things like moving across country I need a plan.

We still are going to be living with my parents for a short time until Thayer starts school and starts receiving his BAH from his GI Bill. I'm not nervous about living with my parents at all... I'm just nervous that my big old honest mouth will get me in trouble. I'm done putting up with bullshit from my family and I'm not afraid to speak my mind anymore. I'm afraid I will be too blunt and honest... but then again I'm not even sure I care that much. The bridge has already been burned to an irreparable state. lol Most of this paragraph has been pretty vague. Sorry... but those who know me very well know the person I'm referencing. I just don't want to start unneeded drama in my family.

Counting Down

There are approximately 210 days until I leave Minot, ND for good. This gives me 210 days to get my teaching profile completed including letters of recommendation and my official Missouri Teaching Certificate (I only need fingerprints to complete it). The pressure is really on for me since we know that Thayer will no longer be able to join the Reserves. I must get a teaching job so that we can continue to have insurance. Our insurance through Tricare will lapse 6 months after Thayer gets out. It's a bit nerve wracking. I hate being without insurance. I was spoiled because growing up I always had really great insurance. Then when I was in college for a few years I didn't have any because my dad was laid off from Boeing. Then when he got rehired through Spirit Aerosystems I had it again. I just don't want to have to worry about things. I want to make sure my prescriptions are paid for. I know if I don't get a teaching job, I can always substitute to help make ends meet, but I'm so ready to be a teacher. It's a bummer that I will not be able to finish my Master's degree next semester because the move could come right in the middle my internship. Once the again, the life of a military wife interfers. I am super excited to know that this will be my last winter here in Minot. I'm ready to move on with our lives, no matter how scary that might be. I'm ready for Thayer to go to college and get his degree in Computer Engineering and make some big time $$. I'm ready to be close enough to home where I can drive home on the weekends if I want. I'm ready to start my life as something other than a military wife.

There are approximately 299 days until we can start trying to have a baby again. Yes, I am counting down the days. We tried for over two years to have a successful pregnancy and have no child to show for it. I'm ready to be a mother. I can't wait to be a mother. I've accomplished all my life goals other than to become a mother. What more could a woman want? I have a loving husband, 1 awesome dog, 1 semi-awesome dog, a college education.... the list goes on and on. Yes, I am thankful for what I have, but I know for a fact that I would be a Rock Star Mother! I do have to say it has been nice not having to keep track of my cycles. It has been wonderful not having to have timed sex. It's been nice not having to pee on anything. I don't really like my birth control, but it does it's job. The only difficulty with not TTC has been all the recent pregnancy announcements. Jealousy has reared it's ugly head a few times, okay... more than a few times. Sometimes life just seems so unfair, but I'll get over it.

There are 77 days until my 27th birthday. I'm excited that I will have lost at least 50lbs by then. I'm not, however, excited to be one year closer 30. I always promised myself that I would be done having kids by the time I was 30... doesn't look like that's going to happen. At least I'll be a wise and mature mother who raises her children right!

So that is just a few of the things I'm counting down to :)

People Amaze Me

Everyday I'm amazed by people, and it usually isn't in a good way.

I'm amazed that we have parents that drop their children off at daycare all day when they have the day off. I'm amazed that some of these parents are single parents who go out to the field for 4 days and are home for 4 days... and yet still those 4 days they are home the child is at daycare 8+ hours. How about you spend some time with your child(ren)? I mean really, if you didn't want them and don't want to give them the love and attention they deserve there are ways to NOT get pregnant. It makes me so angry that these people can manage to get pregnant but good deserving people can't. I just want to shake them.

Oh... and parents who come home from deployment that take their child to daycare EVERY day of their R&R. Really? You've missed how many MONTHS of your child's life and you can't take ONE day to spend with them at home. I hate seeing these things over and over again every day at work. We had a mother who was deployed 9 months. She left when her child was 5 months old. She brought the child and his/her sibling to the daycare EVERY day of her 2 week R&R because it was too stressful to spend time with her own children. Bet you can't guess what rank she wears? Sometimes (okay... a lot of the time) I really hate my job. I don't hate the kids. I LOVE and adore (most) of the kids in my class as if they were my own. I hate certain parents and how they raise their children and I hate other managerial aspects.

In other news, Thayer was diagnosed today with asthma. Some people don't know, but you can't join the military if you have asthma and they usually don't let you stay in if you develop it. The doctors think that he developed it while over in Iraq when he was working around the burn pits. Right now, all of our plans are going down the shitter and I'm beyond stressed. Thayer was supposed to leave active duty and not re-enlist active duty this summer. He was going to join the Air Force Reserves while he used his GI Bill to go to school. Now none of that can happen. So I'm stressed about trying to find a teaching job so we can be sure to have insurance. I'm stressed about moving because he might get out early through medical separation. We just don't know anything and we have no answers. People up here are incredibly slow about everything and it is so frustrating. I'm so tired of being a military wife and having to go through the run around all the damn time. I'm OVER it. I just want everything to go as planned, meaning I have to get my portfolio set up to hopefully land a teaching job. I have to figure out what's going to go on with my own schooling because if we move I can't finish this spring. I already know I have to put that off because I can't leave right in the middle of my internship or I'll fail the course. I'm so OVER having the military dictate my life. Only a few more months!

Untitled Randomness

Woosa weekend cancelled... thank you Air Force. The one weekend I really need to forget about things (Mother's Day) and you have to take my husband away from me. I appreciate it. I know I shouldn't bitch because there are spouses to have husband's deployed, etc. but yeah... I hate never being able to make plans or have a life of my own. I feel like I'm dependant upon my husband and it just generally pisses me off.

On a different note... I find more and more as I age that you think you know someone, then BAM they blow your mind. This goes in either direction. You think you know someone then they do something horrible and disappoint you or hurt your.... or you think you know someone and they do something awesome and are a great friend. I suppose this "you never truly know someone" thing doesn't ever end does it? Boy, that really sucks.

Tuesday I mailed off my information packet to the surgeon. Hopefully next week early in the week I get a phone call to schedule my appointment. I really need to call them. I have a couple of questions about how to fill out the medical release forms they gave me to give to my doctors. I also need to know exactly how far back I need to go. I also need to know if I need to meet their standards for surgery (which are the Blue Cross/Blue Shield standards) or if I just need to meet Tricare standards, which are slightly different. I know for a fact that I meet the requirements set up by Tricare... so I hope I can just go by that because I'm really not too sure about BC/BS requirements. I just really really want this to work out. I want to know if it will sooner rather than later. I don't want to put off trying longer than I have to.

This month we are going without birth control. I really don't know how I feel about it. I really don't think I will get pregnant. I mean, in the past, I've had to have Clomid to ovulate mature eggs. I have, in the last 2 years, ovulated on my own, but one of two things happened. 1. Thayer's sperm didn't find it's mark or 2. The eggs weren't mature enough, good enough, etc. I would be FLOORED if I got pregnant on my own. I don't think I want to get pregnant (lol yeah, there's a first for everything) until I know about surgery for sure. I mean, I want the surgery because I know, in the long run that will be the best thing for me and for the babies we will have. If I get pregnant, that means I will never have the surgery, but I'll have a baby. *sigh* double edge sword I guess. I don't know what to hope for... surgery or a baby. I hope that I at least get something I want. I hate playing the waiting game. In the end, I'm going to be one of the most patient people in the world.

I also just realized that today would have been the last day of my first trimester... I hope this gets easier. I'm sick of feeling like an emotional wreck. I don't want to miss my baby anymore. Sometimes I wish I never would have tested and seen the postitive test. Maybe if I hadn't known, it wouldn't have hurt so bad to say goodbye.

Answers.... kinda.

So the last few days have brought some answers my way, but I'm still waiting on others. Thayer found out officially that they took him off the early separation list. He will be serving out the last of his enlistment, which is up in July 2012. I'm bummed because I was so looking forward to getting out of North Dakota and going home and starting the next chapter of our lives. Now we're just waiting again. I hate always waiting for my life to begin. I was ready to go home so Thayer could start college and I could start being a teacher... I was ready to get out of North Dakota so I could actually get some quality healthcare when it comes to infertility. I was just ready to get out of this place. I jokingly said that I should just go back home and pretend that Thayer is deployed to North Dakota. I just don't want to be here anymore. It just seems like there is so much bad juju floating around... so many sad memories in this place. I'm just ready to move on with my life, but that all got the brakes put on it. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, and I'm glad we finally have answers. I hated... HATED being in limbo. I had finally got used to the idea that we were leaving and was making plans, then BAM they change their mind. It sucks that they have the ability to toy with people's lives so much. One thing I was looking forward to getting away from was the horrible drama. I'm tired of being a good friend, only to be walked on. Then, on the other hand, I'm scared to rock the boat. There are a handful of people I know I don't want to be part of my life, but they're friends with so and so and if I don't keep things kosher with them, then it starts like a military wife war. It's bloody ridiculous. I'm sick of people thinking that it is okay to treat one another bad and put others down. We are grown women... I just wanted to put all the cattiness behind me.  Don't get me wrong, there are some wonderful ladies up here, but I'm found out since the miscarriage just who I could and could not rely on... and the results were staggering. Now I guess I just have to settle for going home on vacation in July. I just hope that Thayer will be able to get leave so he can come with me.

As for answers I'm still waiting on, I might get on the 25th. I finally go see the OB/GYN for my miscarriage follow-up visit. I started birth control a couple weeks ago after I stopped bleeding. My PCM said this was okay to do, so I did it. It will kill 2 birds with one stone. It will keep me from getting pregnant while I'm still healing from the miscarriage. It will also make sure my cycles stay semi-normal. Because of the PCOS, I don't have normal cycles most of the time. This will help keep me on track and ensure that I do have a "normal" period following the miscarriage. I also want to talk to the Dr. about going back on treatment after this cycle. I don't want to wait another one. Most things I've read say it is okay to go back to trying after one normal cycle, even though my OB recommends waiting 2. Time is ticking away. One thing I really want to know is... if I started bleeding at 5w4d... then why was the baby I passed 2 weeks later bigger than a 5w4d baby. When I passed the baby *graphic* it was attached to a large clot that was flat and about the size of my fist... and the yolk sak was just smaller than the size of a half dollar. I'm not sure when I ovulated... so we don't really know how far along I was. I just want to know... did my baby keep growing... what could have been going on?

I also go to Bismarck on the 26th to meet with the surgeon. It's just like an informational meeting of sorts to get more information and learn about how to really start the process. While I'm waiting for all that to go through... and I COULD be denied... I don't want to stop my treatments. I mean, I'll stop them once I know for sure I'm having the surgery and I'm 100% certain that it's going to happen. But the approval process could potentially take months. I'm not just going to sit around and wait and put my baby dreams on hold for all those months.

Military Life... Military Wife...

So there have been a lot of things about military life that have been frustrating me as of late. I'm frustrated by always being in limbo. I can't ever make a plan or envision my future. I can't follow my own dreams because I'm stuck (for lack of better words) following my husband. We were supposed to get out of here in May. That may or may not happen. We don't know yet. What we do know is that we will be out of here by the end of the summer... supposedly. I sit here with a Bachelor's in English Education that I can't use... I'm almost done with my Master's, yet I still can't use it. It is so frustrating to have a dream that you can't attain. Am I saying it was a mistake marrying my husband and becoming an Air Force wife? No. I don't regret it for one second. I love him with all my heart, but I would like to make some plans. I would like to know what lays in my future. I would like to know where I will be living in 6 months. I just want answers and they never seem to come. I want to know if I'll be able to have my surgery. I want to know if I'll be able to continue my fertility treatments. EVERYTHING... our entire lives are in limbo and it is INCREDIBLY frustrating!!

The other aspect that has me frustrated is other military wives (some, not all). They can be so damn frustrating. Some of them have less maturity than their children. Some of them constantly bitch... Oh my husband isn't around to babysit me... blah blah blah. Time to grow up ladies. If you think 12s are bad... wait for deployment. Thayer used to work 16+ hours... sometimes they would go over their timeline and he would have to stay the night out in the field and he couldn't even call me to let me know. I just had to assume all was well when he didn't come home for 24+ hours straight. It's military life. Maybe it isn't the right fit for your family... maybe at first you didn't know what you signed up for... but damn... bitching all the time gets old. We are all military wives, we all have it rough for different reasons and we don't want to hear your sob stories. *Big Girl Panties*

Oh... and then there are the gossipers. Really... when you point a finger three more point right back at you. You're not innocent. You too make mistakes. Talking behind people's backs just makes you look pathetic. We're adults and not in high school anymore. It's time to grow up and put your.... BIG GIRL PANTIES ON!... okay, I could go on... but enough bitching and bad juju. Going to go to my happy place now... my husband's arms!

Stay on the Sunny Side...

So... I have had a Shit-tacular week. Bad news from the doctor yesterday. Bad news from the husband today. From now on, I'm going to try to stay on the "sunny side" of life.


First to fill you in on the bad news.

Doctor - I kept testing for ovulation with OPKs. I never got a positive... I only had faint LH lines. I called the doctor and he told me "Oh you probably aren't going to ovulate this month. Try again next month." Ok... it wouldn't be so bad if 1. Clomid didn't make me sick as a dog and 2. I didn't have to have a random person stick a "wand" up my va-jayjay twice a month. It seems like all the pain and sickness is in vain when nothing happens.

Thayer - Thayer is more than likely getting early separation from the Air Force. At first it really made me upset. I mean its like we're getting tossed on the street. No job, no home, no insurance, no nothing. After I got home from work Thayer and I sat down and made a plan. If he does get early separation we will most likely have to move by May 31st. If this is the case we are going to go back to Kansas and live with my parents for 2 months until he can start school in August and use his GI Bill and get BAH, etc. He is planning to go to Missouri State University just like I did because they have a great Computer Science program. Thayer was really upset because he thought I might leave him or something. I had to reassure him that NO I wasn't going to live him... I married him for better or for worse and as lot as we have each other, we have everything!


Pluses of getting out of the military:
GOOD BYE MINOT!... HELLO MALLS, WARMTH, CIVILIZATION!!!

lol

Things will be okay! Yes, I will miss the wonderful ladies that have become my friends up here in North Dakota... but I also miss my friends and family terribly from back home!

The Patriot in Me

Well today is Veteran's Day. I always thought I was a patriotic person. I knew the Pledge; I sang the "Star-Spangled Banner." I did the flag salute at camp. I know the words to Taps. I can tell you about US history. I loved and respected our military and all that they have and are doing for us. I NEVER wanted to become a military wife. Believe me, I always swore I would never ever marry someone in the military. Then that thing called LOVE happened and now I sit as the proud wife (and daughter)of a US Airman. Words cannot express how becoming part of the military "family" has changed me. I see the ins and outs of military life. I see first hands the ups and downs of military life. Often those that serve here at home are forgotten, but they're no less important than those serving aboard. Yes, there job is less dangerous, but it takes everyone working together to keep us safe and free. Military life has not been an easy adjustment for me. I felt so alone for so long, but even when I felt most alone and isolated from my home and family I knew I was doing something great. I was supporting the love of my life while he defends and protects our nation. I love him more than words can say. He's an amazing man, he's an amazing Airman!

The song below tears me up. I pray that I never have to go through losing my husband. I can't help but cry when I hear this song. All the men and women that have sacrificed their lives for me and my family... words cannot express what a special place they have in my heart.

This song also hits home for me... Freedom really doesn't come free and I'm sure we're all guilty of taking what we have for granted at some time or another. And finally, some pictures of my own personal hero... Senior Airman T.O.!

Blah Blah Blah - Random stuff

This is going to be a blog of random tidbits.

1. I found out that Tricare covers IUIs... so that's good. Those are normally around 5k or more each. They didn't use to. When I first started looking at my options and what was covered by our insurance they only covered a portion of it (aka the medications). I'm glad they cover it all now. They also cover a portion of IVF. IVF on average is 10-15k. If it's done at a military training facility then they cover more because you're their guinea pig to learn how to do it.

2. I went on a really long walk with Martha, Kenobi, and Kaia tonight. The mosquitos are still awful! Why won't they just die already!?

3. Things are getting better with the Provera situation. I'm not cramping as bad and only need medicine a couple times a day instead of every 6 hours or so.

4. Thayer and I had a bit of a disagreement tonight. We're just butting heads about some things that we don't even know will happen. I just want to wait and cross those bridges when we get there.

5. I've been starting to think about the holidays. This time of the year always seems more lonely to me because I don't have family around. I'm so used to all the get togethers and big dinners. I hate cooking a big Thanksgiving dinner for just Thayer and I. Maybe I should see if some other couples want to have a family Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner with us. Is that what military families do? I don't even know. Last year we just had some random meal. Thanksgiving and Christmas were pretty just like any other day. I miss the special feelings. I feel bad that I'm not there to watch my one and only nephew on Christmas morning. I think the hardest time of the year when you're in the military is Nov - Jan (January because of my birthday.) I'll get through it. I always do :)

6. I went up to 1250mg of Metformin today and didn't die or spend the day in the bathroom. I consider this a small victory.

The Ramblings of an Insomniac

So, once again I'm up. It's the middle of the night, I'm dead tired, but I can't sleep. I have this thing where my mind just goes and goes and goes and goes... and it won't stop or shut up long enough for me to lay down and fall asleep. I think about the most random and at times, mundane crap imaginable. I'm not sure what to do. I've tried re-adjusting my sleep schedule. I've tried taking my medicine at different times. I've tried taking tylenol to help me relax. I'm just not sure what to do next. Both dogs are sleeping soundly.

Thayer had to leave to dispatch very early today. I know he'll come home tomorrow tired and grumpy after working all day out in the field. I at least hope the weather is nice again. He'll be even more grumpy if he gets rained on. I don't know what time he'll be home tomorrow. Days like that are rough because he wants dinner when he gets home, but I never know when that will be.

See... now I'm rambling about random crap that's popping in my head at 2:09am.

I've been watching Netflix all weekend, mostly season 6 of Grey's Anatomy because I missed most of it and was pretty lost when the new season started up.

Kaia has been a pretty good girl this weekend and Myst is always a good girl. I bought here a little mini staircase so she can use it to get up and down from the couch and the bed. I don't want her jumping off anything and hurting her knee again. Plus, she is getting older. She turned 6 in May. Kaia's first birthday is coming up in November. She's calming down a lot. I noticed a big difference in her after we got her fixed. She's just incredibly stubborn, but that's typical of a northern breed. She does have a really good disposition though, and I was intentionally rough with her to get her used to things that kids might do to her like pull her ears and tail, poke her, etc. Everyone tells me how beautiful she is. Kaia is the beautiful one and Myst is the one that is just cute as a button. I really oughta enter them in the "cute pet" contest at the vet on base. The prize isn't much, but might be worth a shot.

I had a rough weekend with all the horrible cramping. It seems like it has eased off in all regards. Hopefully it will be over in the next couple of days. I hurt like hell so I just kept putting off my homework. I will be swamped the next couple of days with it, but it gave me time to relax while my body was going crazy.

Ok, I'm done rambling now. Have a good night (morning)!

Military Wives... Where do you belong?

Categories of military wives… as explained by the non-fiction book Army Wives by Tanya Biank.

1. The shit stirrers – The gossipers. The wives who lives seemed so shallow and silly; they never volunteered for anything. They never cooked a hot dog or washed a car, but they never stopped talking crap about somebody or something. These women just didn’t have enough to occupy their days.
2. The drama queens – The wives who embellish their sagas for the sake of attention.
3. The whiners – The wives who always have something to bitch about. These women are so absorbed in their own woes they never stopped to think that all the wives were in the same fix. Didn’t the whiners know that sergeant so-and-so was an equal-opportunity annoyer, and that chances were good their husbands weren’t the only ones getting shit upon? There was no assuaging a whiner. The whiner’s trademark is “my husband.”
4. The rank puller – Wives who loved to wear their husband’s rank, as if they too, had taken an oath to defend the Constitution.
5. The ass kissers – Wives who are usually married to ass kissing men, and as an ass-kissing couple they would smooch the hide of anyone who might get them ahead.
6. The shining happy people – The perky, cutesy shining happy people who had perk, cutesy marriages and perky, cutesy kids and always a perky, cutesy story to share.
And finally...
7. The “I’ve-got-my-shit-together-club” – Women who could handle themselves and who had control over their house and children. Women who made the best of it, who were stable and strong.