This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

Learn more about my Infertility Journey here:
3 years and counting

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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Finally Some Answers!

So Thayer got the call today. His medical board review is over.

Good news: He is not being medically discharged. We are on the Force Reduction list so we are getting out because of that. -- on that note: We will be getting a separation bonus, yay!

Good news: He can still join the Air Force Reserves because he is not being medically discharged, he has to talk to a few people about it. If he ever comes up for deployment he will have to get a waiver saying that is okay for him to go.

Good news: Thayer will, for sure, be able to start at Missouri State this summer. I will be able to start applying for teaching jobs! Hopefully I can find something, if not, then I guess it's subbing or a para job for me. I'm so ready to be a "real" teacher!

Good news and bad news: My days in Minot are numbered. There are a few certain friends I've made up here that I will miss terri-bad and I'm sure they know who they are. They have been what has made living here at least tolerable. I will not, however, miss 6 months of winter, -40 windchills, or 6 foot of snow.

We don't have a final out day other than we know we have to be off base by March 31st. So we shall see. Thayer has a lot of briefings, appointments, and paper work to go to and get done. Now that the med board is all done the ball can really start moving.

In other news -- I've been working out more. Tonight I improved my time on my mile by almost 2 minutes! I really pushed myself. Sometimes I have to watch it because I don't want to send myself in an asthma attack, but it is so much easier to monitor it now! I just know I need to keep on top of it and do a least a little bit every day no matter how I feel. A little is better than nothing at all!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Epic Weekend!!

This week of work CAN NOT go fast enough. This weekend is going to be EPIC! Saturday is my birthday party! I'm so excited to hang out with my friends and enjoy spending time with them. Then Sunday Thayer and I get up and drive to Minneapolis! We are staying at the reserve base because it's uber cheap. Sunday night we are going to dinner at Hell's Kitchen. Monday morning we are getting up and going to the car dealership to get my new car! YAY!!! I definitely deserve this as a present for all the hard work I've done the last 10ish years! After taking one of our vehicles back to the hotel we are going to the Mall of America!! While at the Mall of America we are going to Sea Life of Minnesota Aquarium. We will also probably check out Nickelodeon Universe and ride a few of the rides there. I also told Thayer that I want to go to Build-A-Bear and make me a stuffed animal named Hope that will one day be given to our first born. I know to some it might seem kind of silly, but to me it just seems like the right thing to do. We will probably stroll around the mall for a while. When we've exhausted everything at the mall, we're going back to the hotel to get ready to go out to dinner at Sushi Tango.

I'm so looking forward to this mini-vacation. This is our first vacation we've really taken together since we've been married. Usually I've had to go home by myself because Thayer couldn't get leave. So excited!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Have you ever heard the saying, "Assuming something just makes an ASS out of U and ME?" (or something to that affect?)

I really really hate when people assume that I am talking about them when I blog or make a post on Facebook. Maybe it's because they're feeling guilty about their own actions and how they're treating someone. I'm pretty blunt and honest. If I want to say something to you I will. Before I delete people off of Facebook for annoying pregnancy posts (or whatever the reason is other then them just being shitty) I send them a message telling them that I am and why. If they choose to get butthurt then so be it. If I haven't sent you a message then I don't intend to delete you and you haven't done anything to purposefully hurt me. If I post something about people being hypocritical Christians and you get butthurt about it... maybe you need to do some soul searching because obviously YOU are the one feeling guilty about your behavior on some level. I'm not sure why some people ASSUME everything is about them. Really... do you think I have the time to sit and contemplate every person on my friend's list every day? NO. Hello... I actually work full time and go to school full time... I'm getting ready to move across country. I have to deal with being a military wife (something you have no idea how difficult it can be until you've been there). I don't have time to sit and worry about.... "well so and so is a Christian... and if I post this I might offend them." Whatever. If you ASSUME... you really don't make an ass out of me... you just make an ass out of yourself. My world does not revolve around you.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Good Old Girl...

Yesterday I sold my car :( I had her for 9 years. She was the first car that I ever bought. I got my good old girl at the end of my senior year in high school. It was bittersweet to let her go. Before I took her to the buyer I had to take her for one last spin around base. My old girl and I had a little chat. I told her that she was a good girl and that we had some good times, but that it was now time for me to move on. I heard from her new owner and he is very happy with his purchase thus far. I think he got a really good deal and I ended up getting more for my car than I would have from trading it in. The amazing thing is, I sold it within 5 hours of listing it online. I really didn't think that it would sell that fast. I truly thought it would take a week at least. I was pretty certain that I would be able to sell it because of living next to the base as well as being so near the oil fields.

Now the real trick is for Thayer and I to juggle one vehicle for a couple of weeks. That should be a lot of fun... not! I really can't wait to go to Minneapolis on the 30th! I'm so ready to have my new car!

The last few days there has been some drama on a Facebook page I run called Infertile Military Couples. Basically, there are some people that just can't be nice or say anything nice. They have to be rude and mean with everything they post. I got sick of it. I banned 2 people... that makes my total number of bans 3 since launching the page over a year ago. People dealing with infertility have enough to deal with, without having to deal people bullying them. I'm not going to allow people to bully me or anyone else. I want the page to be a place of mutual respect. One woman told me that I basically shouldn't have any of the feelings an infertile person does because we aren't even trying right now. She said that you choose to stop trying so I didn't have a right to feel the way I felt. I'm sorry... but stopping TTC doesn't magically flip a switch. In reply to her I wrote, "LAST I checked... just because you choose to take a break from TTC (for ANY reason) doesn't mean you're NOT infertile. It also doesn't mean you DON'T feel the same pain as being infertile. The pain doesn't miraculously go away just because you aren't counting cycle days anymore and having timed intercourse month after month. It's still there and it still hurts just the same."

Friday, January 13, 2012


Sometimes other infertiles infuriate me more than fertiles. I know we're all on the same shitty path. I know infertility sucks. I know that losing a baby sucks. I've been there... done that... currently doing it... Some people just aren't very logical.

When I first got pregnant I announced it to the world. I wanted EVERYONE to know. I knew so many people had been hoping and praying for me. I felt it almost necessary to tell them that FINALLY we had some success. Our success, however, was cut bitterly short. I guess it's one of those things you'll never understand until you've been there. You'll never understand that it's better to not count your chickens before your eggs hatch. You'll never understand the heartbreak and pain of having to tell all those people that you failed. I don't understand why so many people announce their pregnancies before they're 12 weeks. I will NEVER make that mistake again. In my opinion, it just makes having a miscarriage 100 time worse because you have to relive it EVERY SINGLE TIME you have to tell someone you aren't pregnant anymore. Maybe people don't realize that 25% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage. A staggering statistic if you think about it. You only have a 75% of making it to 12 weeks pregnant.

Also, I know I'm going to come off as completely harsh here... but I need to vent. I DON'T understand how someone can sit there and say they can't afford to save up for a $300 test... or a $100 co-pay for an ultrasound... but then say they can afford a baby. I understand people wanting to have more kids... or wanting to have children period. But.... If you can't afford a $200 ultrasound every month to see if your follicles are growing... how are you going to be able to afford diapers, formula, clothing... all the necessities that a baby will need. Things just don't add up. Maybe it's because I'm blessed to have insurance and will always have that blessing... maybe it's because I was smart enough to go to college, get married, and then start trying for a family. I'm sure a baby is going to run you AT LEAST $200 a month.

Another thing, I'm sick of my tax dollars going to dead beats who just keep popping kids out that they can't afford. I can't even get a tax break for fertility treatments but you can sit on your ass for months.. NO YEARS and live off my hard earned money. RIDICULOUS! I'm so glad that some states are making it mandatory to be drug tested to get government help. They should have done that years ago and it needs to be a policy implemented nation wide!!!

Also.. I'm going to be deleting a few friends off facebook. I'm sick of being pounded daily by the "I'm so nauseous" or "oh my boobs hurt" posts. Get the fuck over yourself. It could be worse. You could be NOT pregnant because you lost your child. Suck it up and be grateful. MILLIONS of women struggling with infertility would LOVE  LOVE LOVE to be in your shoes.

lol sorry for the rant/vent... but it's been a LONG time coming :) Now you may return to your regularly scheduled program... Oh and if you don't like my opinion... I really don't care :)

Saturday, January 7, 2012


I need help/advice on making a decision... I would LOVE feedback so please comment!!

I'm currently trying to decide if I should go off birth control next month to see if I'm ovulating on my own. I'm curious to see if losing over 60lbs has jump started my system. My main problem before when TTC is that I don't ovulate because of my PCOS. My PCOS was made worse by my weight. There are many women that lose even 15-20lbs and their bodies start operating normally again. I just really want to know! I can't risk getting pregnant right now though. That's where the hold up is. I would have to go off of my BC so that would mean using condoms (ew!!) or making sure we abstain around the time of ovulation. I'm just not sure what to do and the curiosity is really eating away at me. I don't want to wait until next September when we can start again to find out! I want to know NOW! lol So... what do y'all think I should do?

So there are going to be a lot of big changes coming up on my life! I'm super excited for most of them!

We are more than likely moving in March. Thayer officially started his medical board review on the 5th. He was officially diagnosed with asthma. His med board is being fast tracked so it should take less than the "standard" 90 days. He also got his packet to start his out-processing for separation. So now we are back to waiting.

I'm also getting a new car on my birthday! Well... actually the day after, but I'm so super excited. I've been driving the same car since my senior year of high school and I turn 27 this year... if that tells you anything. I have worked hard the last almost 10 years not only earning a Bachelor's but also almost completing my Master's. I deserve a big award for all my hard work. I test drove the type of car I'm getting today and I fell in love. It handled great. It has lots of room and gets great gas mileage! I'm getting a 2012 Chevrolet Equinox!

The other news I have to share is that I made my first weightloss comparison photo. It's is amazing to look at and see how far I've come in such a short amount of time! I'm now wearing a size 14! The first pic was from the beginning of this last summer. The second picture was from New Years Eve! I was feeling a little sassy in it!
63lbs down in the 2nd pic! I'm feeling wonderful and I'm starting to look pretty amazing too!

Monday, January 2, 2012


My first blog of the new year...

I am setting some resolutions for myself. Just some self-improvements that I know I need to make and some goals that I have for the coming year!

1. Lose another 46lbs and reach my goal of 150lbs! If I lose more, that would be fabulous, but I know my original goal is definitely well within reach!

2. Start trying for a baby again in September. Hopefully I will be ovulating on my own and my PCOS won't give me any more grief in the process of TTC.

3. Be more patient with Thayer. He's just a silly boy and can't really help the way he is sometimes (lol). I know he was raised much differently from me and I need to be more understanding of our individual differences.

4. Develop a closer (just a little) relationship with my in-laws (except my father-in-law who can kiss my ass). My mother-in-law is planning on visiting us this summer with my sister-in-law. It would be nice to get to know Thayer's family a little better since I've only met them once in the over 3 years we've been married.

5. Keep working on my self-confidence. Losing 60lbs has done WONDERS for my self-confidence, but I know that I still have areas I need to work on.

6. Keep working hard on school and (hopefully) graduate in December with my Master's Degree. I would really like to keep my 4.0 GPA as well. I'm super proud of all that I've done, and I hope to continue that into the new year.

7. Continue to love my husband and my dogs. Seriously, without Myst I don't know where I've been. She's been my little bundle of joy for almost 8 years now. She's an amazing little dog and I love her to pieces. Kaia is growing on me more and more now that she's starting to calm down and behave a little better. As for Thayer, we have certainly had our rough spots in our 3 years of marriage. I hope this year will be better for us.