This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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3 years and counting

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Thursday, September 19, 2013

A Letter of Encouragement

Please don't give up. Please keep going and trying. Believe me, even when it seems futile and you think you're going to go crazy, KEEP TRYING. I KNOW how hard it is. I KNOW how frustrating it is. I've been in your shoes. I've walked the same path you're walking now. I'm a stronger person for what I've been through. I'm a better person for all the pain I've endured. I love stronger. I gather strength from within and endure even when I'd rather just curl up in bed and cry. I'm a beautiful, strong, and kind person who is full of grace and compassion. I didn't get there by accident. I got there through struggles and triumphs. I got there by the battles I've fought and won, but also by the battles I've fought and lost.

Today, as I gaze at my little boys I know I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't change the journey I went on to get them. That journey made me the amazing, caring mother I am today. I FOUGHT for those babies. I cried every month for years to get where I am today. There were times when I wanted to give up and throw in the towel. I'm glad I didn't. This was the journey I was meant to be on. If I would have gotten pregnant right away I may not have these handsome little men to call my own. If I hadn't of struggled I wouldn't have met and bonded with some amazing women who I can commiserate with.

At times I let infertility define me. This is my journey. I now know that it doesn't have to define me, but it does help shape who I am. I am powerful. I am amazing. AND SO ARE YOU!!! Don't let your journey define you. It is just the path you're walking to hopefully get to your desired destination. Sometimes that destination isn't always the one we envisioned. Surely we didn't envision being probed by doctors to make a baby. Surely we didn't envision test after test, pee stick after pee stick to hopefully one day have a little one to call our own. This is not an enjoyable path. It is long, hard, and wrought with potholes. But in the end, it is all worth it. No matter your end result. Either you come out a victor with a child in your arms, or you come out a victor armed with knowledge and strength beyond what you could have imagined. Not everyone will have a baby at the end of the infertility journey. I wish everyone could have a happy ending, but we all know that won't happen. Please don't give up on your dream, because dreams come true every day and you never know what day might be YOUR day.

I would like to say it all goes away once you have your dream(s) in your arms, but it doesn't. I'm still infertile and I'm sure I will always feel many of the same emotions. I still feel jealous of those who achieve pregnancy easy. I also now feel jealous of people who have normal pregnancies and those who got to bring their babies straight home. For all of this I'm stronger. For thinking I might lose my boys, I love them with more ferocity. For having to endure over a month stay in the NICU, I now know that angels come in the form of NICU nurses. My babies are fighters just like their momma.

IT IS WORTH IT! Never forget how amazing and strong you are!!


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