This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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Sunday, October 14, 2012

Days Come and Go

This year will be my second year participating in the Wave of Light for Pregnancy and Infant Loss on October 15th. As many of my readers already know, I lost our first and only baby in 2011 to a miscarriage. It was difficult, and I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's still difficult. We have now been trying for over 3 years to have a successful and healthy pregnancy to no avail. Maybe our time will come this month. I still miss baby Hope every day. I probably will always miss her. As time has passed things have gotten easier, but I still have my moments of sadness. I think about next month would have been baby Hope's first birthday or this would have been baby Hope's first Halloween. It's difficult not to think about things like that. I know I sound like a Debbie Downer, but I miss my baby. I want to be a mother. Either way, I hope you all will join me in participating in the Wave of Hope at 7pm in your time zone. I know I will be lighting a candle and remembering baby Hope tomorrow night.

Maybe this will be our month. I'm pretty sure I ovulated today. I got a positive OPK today and I felt killer ovulation pain (think ice pick stabbing you where your ovary should be). I always have ovulation pain, but it gets really bad when I'm on Clomid. I will tomorrow morning if I really have ovulated or not because I will see if my temp rise has happened yet. Either way, we have the BDing bases covered.

Tuesday is also Thayer and I's anniversary. We will have been married for four years. Sometimes it feels like it has been forever and other times it feels like we haven't really been together that long. I think we're just going out to dinner on Tuesday night after I get done with Parent/Teacher conferences. We already got out anniversary present. We bought a Keurig that we have been using the crap out of. I absolutely love it. I make tea, cider, hot cocoa, and yes, coffee in it! Best investment I have made since getting my Dyson.

Next weekend we are going home for a visit and to have family pictures done. I'm looking forward to seeing my parents and (some) of my family. We haven't been back since August, which really isn't that long seeing as we used to go a whole year without seeing them back when we were stationed in Minot.

This week is also going to be difficult and sad. It is my last week at my internship. It is going to be so hard to say goodbye to the kids I've been working with this year. There are some that I've grown really attached to and that have grown really attached to me as well. One little guy I work with for almost 2 hours a day one-on-one. He is very worried about me leaving and keeps asking me to stay. I really wish I could. If we could afford it I would stay for the whole semester, but the truth is I really need to get a job. I am now waiting on my Praxis results (Teaching Certification Test). They should be here no later than the first week of November. I took the test last Friday and the results take up to around 3 weeks to get. I'm pretty sure I passed it, but there is still all this anxiety that comes along with taking a test that will determine your employability. I've been applying for a few jobs that I've seen open in the local area. There was one teaching job and there have been a few paraprofessional jobs. I'm going to call on Tuesday to make sure the school that had the teaching job open received my application. I'm crossing my fingers that I will at least get an interview. In some ways, I know it is kind of a long shot of me getting the job because I don't technically graduate until December, but once my Praxis results come back and are processed by DESE (Missouri Department of Elementary and Secondary Education) I will be certified to teach Special Education even though I don't have my degree yet.

On yet another exciting note, I have booked my boudoir photosession. I can't wait! I'm so excited. I have some awesome, sexy outfits to wear and got an awesome pair of stilleto heels to rock. The photoshoot is going to be at an old historic bed and breakfast that has different theme rooms all decorated in a Victorian style. It is going to be amazing. I'm going to get my nails and makeup done. If I'm going to do this, then I'm going to do it right!


  1. Thanks for bringing awareness for this important day. I'm just sorry that it has to bring back unfortunate memories for so many of us women. Really hoping you get your take home baby soon!

    Boudoir photo session sounds so fun! So great you are doing something to be all sexed up and have fun with it. LOVE the shoes! Have so much fun!

  2. I'm really looking forward to the shoot! Thanks for your comment!


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