This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

Learn more about my Infertility Journey here:
3 years and counting

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Saturday, September 3, 2011

Hold Fast to Dreams

He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
By William Butler Yeats

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

by Langston Hughes

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

For years and years I have loved poetry. I love to read it. I love to interpret it. I love to write it. Poems can bring out so much. They can open up emotional barriers, tear down guarded walls. Poems can leave you raw and renewed. Maybe it's because I have an English degree. Poetry has always been an escape for me. A way to release what is inside so it doesn't continue to bring me down.

Right now I feel lost. I feel a bit helpless. I feel scared. I feel angry and certainly a bit bitter. I feel like my dreams are slipping away and I feel unsure how to hold onto them. I can't simply cast them aside and forget. The last almost 2 and a half years DID happen. Infertility happened to me. I had a baby who was all mine and went to heaven all too soon. I can't forget. I will never forget... but how do I move on? How do I go forward with this surgery? I won't be a mother until I'm nearly 30... that wasn't my plan, my dream. How did things get so messed up? Sure, I have a good life. I have a good husband, a good house, enough money. I don't really want for anything save a child of my very own. I just don't know how to shelve my dreams and watch them come true for others, knowing that I can't even TRY.

Now I feel like I'm rambling so I'll bring this to a close... Thank you to all of you that have/do support me. I don't know where I would be without you and your words of encouragement and understanding. <3

1 comment:

  1. When I was growing up I always said that I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30. I just celebrated my half birthday a few days ago and I'll be 28 in March. I'll be lucky if I sat I have ONE kid by the time I'm 30. I know how you feel. Best of luck with your surgery, Mary.


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