I Miss Shopping :(

It is official. I miss shopping. I find myself browsing all my favorite stores online and finding shirt after shirt that "speak" to me... but alas, I do not buy them. My head knows that it would be a waste of money to purchase clothing that I probably won't be able to wear but for a couple of months. Sometimes I just really really want to buy something though! It's so exciting to be able to look at clothing in the "normal" people stores and not have to shop in the "plus" size sections anymore. I can't wait until I can go out and buy a whole new wardrobe once I finally stop being the incredible shrinking Mary. I know I have a long way to go yet. I'm only a few months out from having my surgery. I plan to lose at least 50 more pounds. People that I haven't seen in a while and run into tell me that they could hardly recognize me. I've been getting compliments. People are saying that I'm looking really good. I'm not sure how to take it all. I know I look completely different. My wedding rings don't fit. My necklace hangs lower on my chest because my neck is less fat. EVERYTHING is changing.

For the most part I'm happy. Actually 98% of the time I'm beyond happy. I do still have my moments though. I wish we could still be trying for a baby. I wish I wouldn't have had to do this in order to have a successful pregnancy. Then again, I'm willing to do anything to have a child. No matter what, I will be a mother of a baby one day and that baby will have mine and Thayer's DNA. Sometimes I think others have given up on me having children. Fine, if they want to give up they can. It's not their body; it's not their life.

It is hard to tell right now if the surgery is helping with my PCOS because I'm on birth control. The BC is making everything function more or less like it should so I can't tell if I'm ovulating. I also can't tell if my periods are becoming more regular because the BC takes care of the regulating for me. Time will tell I suppose. I hope that it does help, but even still, I am more than willing to go back on Clomid or do any other type of procedure to have a child. I won't give up hope, though sometimes I do get pretty down about it. I always make a comeback!