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Sunday, March 25, 2012


Sometimes I feel like I'm always stuck between a rock and hard place.

I get so frustrated with Thayer. Sometimes I feel like I'm ignored a lot. I feel like he doesn't care whether I'm around or not. I feel neglected. I don't feel like he's supportive of me or my goals. I feel like I'm always second or third. Sometimes I want to be first. Sometimes I want to be the most important thing in his life and I never feel like I am anymore. I'm almost always frustrated or annoyed with him. I hate feeling this way but I don't know how to fix it. I can't fix it alone and I don't think he cares to even try to fix things between us. Do I love him? Yes. Do I want to try and make things better? Yes... but it can't be one sided. He's not willing to budge. No matter how I approach it. I've tried being nice. I've tried being a bitch. I've tried pleading. I've tried yelling. There isn't much I haven't tried to get his attention and make him realize how I'm feeling.

Here's a few examples of what I'm talking about.

I get up in the morning and go to work. I work until 3:30. He's upstairs on his computer playing games or in the "man cave" playing games. I'm in the living room watching TV or doing homework or getting ready to cook dinner. I'm just in the other room doing something. He doesn't come out and see me when I get home from work. Doesn't even acknowledge that I'm home from work. No hello kiss... nothing. That really hurts. He emerges for dinner and eats dinner with my parents and me. Then he goes back upstairs or to the cave. I don't see him again usually until I go upstairs to go to bed.

Another example: Yesterday we went to see the Hunger Games. (Awesome movie... even more awesome book). Then we went and played two rounds of mini-golf and went to dinner at Outback Steakhouse. When we got home around 6 he immediately went upstairs and started playing games on his computer. I saw him when he came down to pee or smoke a cigarette. Otherwise I didn't see him until I went upstairs to go to sleep at 1am. I kinda bitched about it when I went upstairs that I was sick of not seeing him and not spending time with him because he's always on his games. He basically got an attitude with me and was pissy about it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't fight this fight alone. He has to want things to get better too. I don't want to feel neglected and unimportant anymore. I want him to want to spend time with me. I want someone to want me as much as I want them. I want to be with someone that likes to spend time with me... that lives and breathes being with me. If I don't do that for him... then I don't know. I want to feel wanted and needed and I just don't feel that way anymore. I feel like he takes me and everything I do for him for granted.

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