This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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3 years and counting

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Friday, December 10, 2010

I Pee on Things for FUN!....

So... just an update. I know some of you are waiting on baby news from me... so here's the scoop. I tested today and it was negative, BUT I ovulated late this month so I'm not technically late. I can test 14 days after I ovulated. This gives time for implantation and the HCg levels to get high enough to be detectable. So... Monday is the day I am actually "technically" late. On a side note... I went and got my prescription for Clomid so I am set for my next cycle if I am not prego now. Dr. Billings is starting me out on 100mg. So once I can get a prego test from the base and certify that I'm not pregnant I can go on the Provera... have my period and start trying for a baby again. This endless, vicious cycle doesn't end. I'm done getting my hopes up... though I know I still do. Today I started off the day by peeing on a stick and hoping... and then I was disappointed and that put me in a shitty mood for the rest of the day. Actually, work kind of helped with it. I had so much to do today that I couldn't think about it until I got home again... and now I'm just angry.

I'm angry because people that are stupid can have kids and I can't.

People that abuse their children can have kids and I can't.

People with no money can have kids that I have to help pay for with my tax dollars... but I can't.

I have a college degree, I have a loving and faithful husband, I have money... I have everything. I did everything right. I waited... went to college and graduated... got married.... I DID IT RIGHT! The way mommmy and daddy always told me I should.

Yeah... I'm sounding grumpy and pessimistic again... but fuck it. If you don't like it... I don't give a shit. This is me and I deserve to feel the way I feel. If you can't respect that, feel free to not read and/or delete me from facebook. The unfairness that is rampant in this world... well it's no wonder why I'm Agnostic.

So... I started Tuesday at the CDC. It isn't to bad. I do a lot of running around because I don't have my own "class" yet and I won't have my own for a while. I was in one classroom all day today so that was nice. Like any workplace with a lot of women, there seem to be a lot of cliques. We will see how that goes. I get to come home from lunch, which is nice.

Thayer has been on his man-period this last week. I really just wanna feed him Midol... Ok... that's it for now!

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