So, it is now officially Christmas Eve. It's a bittersweet day. The holidays haven't felt "right" for a long time now. I go through the motions... I cook the turkey... I buy the presents... but it feels empty. There is a void somewhere deep inside that I'm not quite sure how to fill or if it will ever be filled. Don't get me wrong... I like Christmas time, it just doesn't feel like it used to. Is it because I'm older? I don't know. *sigh*
Christmas feels even more weird without my family around. Most people I know have their "own" family. By own family I mean children. I don't have that. GRRRR! I'm trying so hard to be positive and focus on what I DO have and not on what I don't have but it's so hard sometimes. I miss my mom... I miss my dad... I miss above freezing temperatures. This time of the year is always exceptionally difficult for me. I try so hard, I really do. May be next year there will be a baby's first Christmas ornament and stocking hanging in my house. Who knows?