So I have good news to report. I am now down 33 pounds! I'm steadily getting less squishy, so that makes me happy.
I've been pretty emotional lately. I'm not really sure why. I'm thinking about going back on happy pills since we aren't going to be TTC until at least September of next year. In some ways that seems so far away. It's so hard not to think about having a baby when it's something you've tried for over two years to have. It's so hard to put a dream on hold. I know I'm taking a positive, a HUGE positive step forward that will change the rest of my life. I keep trying to stay positive, and I think I've done pretty well. Last week, admittedly, was difficult. There were a lot of reasons. I was PMSing. (AF came yesterday.) There was a lot of baby news from announcements, births, baby showers, etc. It was a little overwhelming. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for them, but sad for myself. I hope that makes sense. I can't help wonder if and when it will finally be my time. I got a glimpse of my dream coming true, only to have it torn from me. I want to feel that glow and utter contentedness again. I was so unbelievably happy for that short amount of time. It's hard to see everyone else getting to realize your one and only dream. At this point in my life, I have achieved almost everything I've wanted and set out to do. The only thing remaining is to become a mother. I've gone to college. I have a Bachelor's degree. I'm now ONE semester away from completing my Master's. I'm married. We're financially stable. We have it all. I've done it all. There's only one thing left on this Earth that I want. Maybe that's why it's so difficult.