So... things have been kinda rocky in life lately. I'm not really sure what it is. Maybe because my body is in turmoil. Maybe because my head is in turmoil. I really don't have the slightest clue. In many ways I'm not being myself, and that bothers me.
Thayer and I have been going through a rough patch for a couple of weeks now. He's PMSing and I'm just bitchy a lot. Obviously that makes for a bad combination. Don't get me wrong, he was great right after I had my surgery... then he started to be not so great. Instead of helping me around the house he was constantly on his computer because he was on leave and that gave him the right to do whatever he wanted to do with little regard for me. Needless to say this led to a fight. Hell... he did it today again. He's spent a total of maybe 30 minutes with me all day today. I don't know what to do to fix it. I've asked him to play games with me. That's a no go. I've asked him nicely to spend time with me. I'm ignored. I'm just at my wits end and want to bash his computer apart. He wants a new video card for the computer so he can play his games better. Hmmm I wonder why I keep telling him no? I'm SICK of working full time, going to school, and doing EVERYTHING around this house when all he does is go to work 8-9 hours a day. Things are not equal and that's really starting to get to me too. I feel taken advantage of. I feel used. I feel like I'm just here to be at his beck and call. It's so incredibly frustrating. Sure, I didn't mind that when I wasn't working. I did it because that was my job. Keeping the house clean and food on the table was my JOB. Now that we're both working full time things should be more divided but they aren't and I fear they never will be. I feel like I'm raising a 25 year old child. I'm sorry, that's not my job. It's even harder for me to get everything done now because I'm tired ALL THE TIME. I eat/drink about 600 calories a day. That's it. On top of that I exercise so my body has what 450 calories a day to function. That's not a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. That's like one McDonald's hamburger worth of energy a day.