For lots of reasons I have had a very rough week. It's just a lot of little things piling up and feeling like I have no where to turn.
First of all, things have been really rocky with Thayer and I. We've been having a lot, and I mean A LOT of issues. We're considering marriage counseling, even though I believe counselors are mostly quacks. I've never really had a good experience with one except when I was in elementary school. I'm not sure what the best solution will be. I don't want to give up because it's worth the fight. Just some of the things that have happened, wow.
I've been having trouble dealing with my surgery and the common side effects. It's making beyond frustrated to feel this tired all the time. You would think that dropping 30 pounds would give you more energy, but every day I feel like I've ran a 5k marathon. I talked to the surgeon when I had my 6 week check on Thursday, but he said it was normal because my body is trying to learn how to sustain itself from itself. Because I eat so little, I'm living off of the stuff that already exists in my body. It hasn't been fun. It hasn't been easy. I've encountered a few food that have made my tummy upset, but I've done good with most foods. Today I ate half a lean pocket and boy was I a sick chica for a while. So needless to day, I've been irritated by not having any energy and feeling tired all the time.
I've also had some issues with dealing with my infertility. Just a lot has happened this week to remind me over and over again what a failure I am. It's been really hard to look at the bright side of things this week. Lately it's been really hard to deal with the fact that we can't even think about trying for another 11 months. I can't help but think about my baby. I would be almost full term now. I know I should look at the "good" things in my life. And believe me I try... but sometimes it's hard. Really Hard. Unless you've been through infertility and/or miscarriage I just can't explain it. There's just something about remembering the due date or seeing different things at Facebook that just tears at your heart.
I've also been really homesick. I miss my friends back home. There's just something about having someone you feel comfortable around no matter what and you know you can call at any time. There's just something about someone you've known for most of your life that can't be replaced. I may not talk to them all the time, but I know they love and care about me no matter what happens.
All in all... I've felt very irritated, frustrated, alone, upset, sad, run down, etc. Oh... and to top it off I'm PMSing because it's about that time. Yay! *rolls eyes*
Sorry for the depressing, bitchy blog... but yeah.