Ten days until good old AF is supposed to arrive... Ten days until I go back to the OB/GYN and start to move down the path of infertility treatments again. Ten long, agonizing days. Ten days doesn't seem like that long of time, but when you're waiting to know if your biggest dream might be coming true, ten days feels like an eternity. Ten days until I know if I might become a mother or ten days until I once again feel like a complete and total failure. Ten days until tears of sorrow or until tears of joy. Ten long long days.
So I had a dream the other night that I was pregnant, but it was a tubal pregnancy. It wasn't caught in time and my fallopian tube ruptured and caused all kinds of yucky stuff, not to mention the loss of my "dream" baby. In my dream, my friend Brianna was also pregnant and I had to go with her for her first ultrasound on the day that I found out my baby was dead. (She was found out she was having a boy.) I woke up crying and scared. It was a good dream for Brianna because she is going through infertility as well... but it was devastating for me. It felt so real... like my "baby" really had died and I was sitting there watching someone else get everything I had ever wanted. (Sorry Brianna... you know how it is so I know you won't be upset with me for saying that I hope!!)