This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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Friday, February 4, 2011

sigh... nothing more to say

So... I'm not pregnant. No huge surprise there. Am I sad? Yes. Am I pissed? Yes. Am I disappointed? Yes. Does life suck? Yes, right now it does. I'm not sure what else there is to say. I started today... this is my first period in months that hasn't been produced by Provera. I had some really weird symptoms yesterday so I was scared and confused. I didn't know what was going on with my body. So.. with starting my period today that means I had to go in and have my ultrasound. It hurt like a bitch. I'm so sick of being in pain and having to go through all this while people that don't deserve to have children get to keep popping them out. So once again... is Clomid, another ultrasound, lots of sex, then lots of hoping. Do I feel really hopeless? Yes. It is incredibly hard not to. Thayer took good care of me while I sobbed, cried, blew snot all over him. He just held me and let me cry and reassured me. Today he is grumpy... I think partly because he knows how upset I am. He's a good husband and a good man. I told him yesterday that he deserves better than me. I feel like I'm not good enough for him. I can't make him a dad... at least not right now.

1 comment:

  1. Stay positive Mary! You have a good man you believes you are good enough for him. So don't think that way, know that your love for each other is strong and you guys will make it. <3


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