This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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3 years and counting

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Sunday, June 5, 2011

Bumpy Road

This last week has been pretty bump. I've been especially moody and so has Thayer. Two moody people make for an unhappy household. Hopefully things get better soon. I've had it up to my ears with everything. I know part of my moodiness is from being on and just getting off of my period. There were other things that just made this week hard. It just seems that everywhere I look there is a reminder that I'm not pregnant, that I'm not going to be a mom. Facebook announcements... people who started trying after me who got pregnant and had a baby and are now announcing their second pregnancy... while I'm still waiting on baby #1.

I hate how bitter and angry I am at God. I believe in God. I'm an Agnostic Theist. I believe in a higher power. Right now I just believe that He, whoever He is, is cruel and heartless. He's unfair and unjust. He's and Indian giver (I knowm not politically correct). He lets good people, genuinely great people suffer while people who are horrid get everthing their little heart desires. He doesn't give things to those that deserve it, but instead rewards those who don't. I know all that I've just said will probably make some people angry. Heck, it might even make some people not want to be my friend anymore. So be it. I thought I believed in Karma, you know... that you reap what you sew. I'm not so sure anymore. I've been doing lots of good things with my life. I always have. I volunteer. I help people out.... but where is any of it coming back to me? What have I done in my life so horrible as to deserve this punishment of infertility?

To top it off, other things in my life have become complicated and just weird. I'm so ready for my vacation and to get away from Minot for at least a little while. I need a break from everything, and honestly it can't come fast enough.

On a better note, the clinic on base got my records sent down to the surgeon. I go for my first consult on June 21st. I hope that Thayer will be able to go with me. On the 22nd I go in for my Psych eval that they make everyone have prior to surgery. The first consultation with the surgeon will be pretty basic. After they get that information and the info from the consultation they will submit it to Tricare and wait for approval. We will also discuss potential surgery dates because they will have a pretty good idea how long it will take Tricare to approve me for the surgery.

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