Today marks three months since I lost our baby. I didn't even realize it until just a few minutes ago. I don't know if that's good or bad. I'm not sure if I should feel guilty that I forgot or happy that the pain is a little bit less. I still think about Baby Hope everyday. I know when all the milestones of my pregnancy would be. The other day I would have been 20 weeks. I would know if we were having a boy or girl... there's just so much that I miss. I miss the glow and utter joy I had while I was pregnant. I miss that feeling. I miss not feeling like a failure because that's how I feel now. Now, even more so than before the pregnancy, I feel like a failure. So... to Baby Hope... mommy and daddy miss you more than most people could ever know. <3 You will forever be in our hearts and I know forever on mommy's mind.
Today is also a happy day. I leave a week from this Friday... so in 9 days, to go home to Kansas for my first visit in a year. I'm so excited to see everyone. Though it hurts that some plans have had to change. There won't be a baby shower this visit like was planned. I will get to spend 2 weeks down there. I'm flying this time so Thayer will be in charge of the dogs... kinda scary that I'm trusting him with my baby girl. He better not blow it! There are also a few things I'm dreading, but more on that later. SO EXCITED TO GET OUT OF MINOT, NORTH DAKOTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!