This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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3 years and counting

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Saturday, May 12, 2012

Dreams Can be a Cruel Joke

Last night I had a dream. It was incredible... amazing... until I woke up and realized it wasn't true. I hate when you have wonderful dreams then have to wake up to reality and feel like a piece of you is missing.

In my dream I went into the bathroom and peed on a stick (pregnancy test for the non-infertiles). It was the digital kind. I looked away and looked back and it immediately said pregnant. Just like it happened last year when I really was pregnant. I was in shock. I didn't want to believe it this time. I was happy and scared all at once. I got out another test and took it again. It again came out positive. It was a dark positive. Still unbelieving, I took a third test. Again, this one was positive. I was elated, overjoyed, and petrified that this baby would die too. I called Thayer into the bathroom and all he could do was hug me, kiss me, and start to cry. Then I woke up.

What a cruel way to start Mother's Day weekend which is already the worst nightmare of an infertile/angel baby momma.

I woke up with such a heavy heart. I almost started to cry.

1 comment:

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