This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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Thursday, May 24, 2012


So if everyone else in this world can have an "oops" pregnancy why can't I? Is it bad that I almost hope that I counted days wrong? Is is bad that I hope we have an oops? I know it wouldn't make some people happy... but I've waited long enough. Sure the timing wouldn't be the best. Sure it would be better to wait, but I've been waiting almost 3 years to be a mom. I know this month we weren't the most careful. We should be because I'm still supposed to wait until September. Oh well. I don't know what else to say other than that. I've quit losing weight really fast so I think  it will be okay if anything should happen. The likelihood is still pretty low. I talked to Thayer about it and got his opinion. He feels that, though it wouldn't be the best of timing, we would make it work. He said he isn't going to stand in the way of fate and if it's meant to be right now and it happens then he won't be upset. I was worried at first that it might upset him and make him mad.

Either way, I'm done making plans in my life. Like I've said before, they just get all messed up anyways. From now on I'm flying by the seat of my pants.

Lately, there have been other loops thrown into my life. Now that we're moving back to Missouri, things are going to be a little bit different. All my college friends and pre-marriage friends are down there. It will take all of us some getting used to that I'm married (and so are some of them). I know at least one of my friendships makes my husband slightly uncomfortable, but it is my opinion that he'll just have to get over it. I am really good friends with one of my ex's and he happens to live in the same town that we are moving to. Thayer doesn't like to show it, but I know on some level this bothers him because he has been cheated on in the past. I've been friends with this individual for years now and I'm not about to stop being his friend now. He's a good guy and a good friend and that is what matters to me. Yes, we were in a relationship before. Even after we broke up we were "friends" for a couple of years, even while he was in relationships with other girls. (I know... tisk tisk bad Mary). Does this make for an interesting dynamic? Yes it does. But his friendship means the world to me, because whether he knows it or not, even though he broke my heart a few times, he really helped me out at other times as well. I don't know how I can make Thayer more comfortable with it. Right now my friend isn't really even that interested in meeting Thayer because he knows it will be awkward and uncomfortable.... I just don't know.

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