This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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Saturday, July 28, 2012

Tricky McTrickison

The worst thing about the 2ww (two week wait) is how much your mind can and does play tricks on you. So many of the symptoms of being pregnant are very similar to those many people experience prior to getting their period. Sometimes I'm so hopeful that this month will finally be my turn again. Then I get to thinking about all the disappointments of the past and can't help but feel discouraged and hopeless. Once again this month I began with hope. Everything was timed perfectly. We BD the day before and day of ovulation. We know that my husband is not the problem so all should go right, but still it never seems to happen. I really don't know what could be wrong. Maybe I will get some answers when I go see the OB/GYN in a couple of weeks if we get a BFN again this month.

I'm tired of my mind playing tricks on me. I feel like I might be, but it always ends the same... only one pink line on a stick. I've had a mild, dull cramping since 8dpo. It occured more on 8 and 9dpo. I've lost some weight. I did that the first time I was pregnant. I've had a headache since last night. My back is a bit achy. I've had trouble falling asleep. I wake up feeling exhausted, not sleepy just tired and fatigued. I've also been feeling hungry some, which I haven't really had a lot of since having surgery almost a year ago. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it is so difficult.

Then when I start to think about being pregnant again I get scared. I don't know how I could take losing another baby if it were to happen. At least this time I can be pretty sure that I will get the proper medical care down here so that I don't lose another one to something preventable like last time.

Today is 10dpo. I plan to test on next Wednesday. I don't want to do it before then because it really isn't worth it. It just leads to undo pain.

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