Untitled Randomness

Woosa weekend cancelled... thank you Air Force. The one weekend I really need to forget about things (Mother's Day) and you have to take my husband away from me. I appreciate it. I know I shouldn't bitch because there are spouses to have husband's deployed, etc. but yeah... I hate never being able to make plans or have a life of my own. I feel like I'm dependant upon my husband and it just generally pisses me off.

On a different note... I find more and more as I age that you think you know someone, then BAM they blow your mind. This goes in either direction. You think you know someone then they do something horrible and disappoint you or hurt your.... or you think you know someone and they do something awesome and are a great friend. I suppose this "you never truly know someone" thing doesn't ever end does it? Boy, that really sucks.

Tuesday I mailed off my information packet to the surgeon. Hopefully next week early in the week I get a phone call to schedule my appointment. I really need to call them. I have a couple of questions about how to fill out the medical release forms they gave me to give to my doctors. I also need to know exactly how far back I need to go. I also need to know if I need to meet their standards for surgery (which are the Blue Cross/Blue Shield standards) or if I just need to meet Tricare standards, which are slightly different. I know for a fact that I meet the requirements set up by Tricare... so I hope I can just go by that because I'm really not too sure about BC/BS requirements. I just really really want this to work out. I want to know if it will sooner rather than later. I don't want to put off trying longer than I have to.

This month we are going without birth control. I really don't know how I feel about it. I really don't think I will get pregnant. I mean, in the past, I've had to have Clomid to ovulate mature eggs. I have, in the last 2 years, ovulated on my own, but one of two things happened. 1. Thayer's sperm didn't find it's mark or 2. The eggs weren't mature enough, good enough, etc. I would be FLOORED if I got pregnant on my own. I don't think I want to get pregnant (lol yeah, there's a first for everything) until I know about surgery for sure. I mean, I want the surgery because I know, in the long run that will be the best thing for me and for the babies we will have. If I get pregnant, that means I will never have the surgery, but I'll have a baby. *sigh* double edge sword I guess. I don't know what to hope for... surgery or a baby. I hope that I at least get something I want. I hate playing the waiting game. In the end, I'm going to be one of the most patient people in the world.

I also just realized that today would have been the last day of my first trimester... I hope this gets easier. I'm sick of feeling like an emotional wreck. I don't want to miss my baby anymore. Sometimes I wish I never would have tested and seen the postitive test. Maybe if I hadn't known, it wouldn't have hurt so bad to say goodbye.