I Raped My Husband... bwahahaha

So today is cycle day 17. I ovulated today. Got an almost positive on the OPK, but I felt it in my side that I did ovulate. That's the one nice thing about feeling like I got stabbed with an ice pick. I know exactly when I ovulate or if I ovulate each month. But really... it does hurt.  lol Thayer claims (jokingly) that I raped him and emotionally scarred him because I (semi) made him have sex today. I mean, unless I was on top it isn't rape right? Not like I had to tie him to the bed! Sorry if all this is TMI... oh well... a lot of my blogs are.

So, now the waiting begins. We will know in approximately 14 days if I am pregnant this cycle. If I am not, then I go through with gastric bypass on Sept. 7th. I'm starting to get a little more freaked out about it. I had to write a living will. That was kinda scary.

Thayer's not sure he wants me to get pregnant, which kind of hurt my feelings... a lot. He said he wished we weren't even trying (though a month ago he was completely on board). He is scared that if I get pregnant again that we will lose another baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm unbelieveably scared about that scenario as well. He says he doesn't want to put our relationship through that stress if we don't have to. He knows the odds are definitely more in our favor of having a successful pregnancy after surgery. I just wish he could understand my feelings of wanting to give it one last try before having to give up trying for 18 months. I wish he could understand how hard it is and heartbreaking it is every time someone else announces that they are pregnant. We should be parents already, but here we are. I'm taking medicines that make me sick and potentially having a life altering surgery just in HOPES of becoming parents. I mean, what if the surgery doesn't help. What if my PCOS is just as bad? That could happen. There are no guarantees. I just wish I could get something right for once. I just want to do what is best for myself, my husband, my future children... etc. I just don't know what that is at this point. I was probably being selfish trying this one last month to get pregnant. Okay... fine... I was selfish... but after over 2 years of trying I think I deserve to do one thing that I want.

Okay... onto other things in the world of Mary. I have a job interview Monday afternoon that I'm super excited about. I really really hope that I get it because I'm so sick of working at the Child Development Center here on the AF base. This new job will allow me to work with kids with special needs. That's something I'm passionate about. I'm also officially 3 classes away from completing my Master's in Special Education. If I get this new job I will probably postpone finishing school and graduation until December 2012... but if I don't get the job I will quit at the CDC (if possible) in January so I can complete my internship (aka student teaching). If I do this, then I will graduate in May 2012. Lots of possibilities on the horizon for me. I'm almost through all of the hoops to get both my Missouri state and North Dakota state teaching certificate.