This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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3 years and counting

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Saturday, January 8, 2011

As If It Isn't Hard Enough....

As if going through fertility treatments isn't hard enough... I have to deal with a husband who only semi-understands what I'm going through. Maybe it is the Clomid talking... I really don't know. I'm pretty moody tonight... easily irritated... on edge... He just doesn't get it. He didn't have to work the day I had my Ultrasound done. I asked him to go with me and he refused. Granted, he had been very sick for most of the week, but I just wanted a little support from my husband. The ultrasound wasn't supposed to be anymore painful than getting a papsmear, but my body didn't cooperate and it hurt sooo flippin bad. I mean, I know he wouldn't have been there to hold my hand, but at least he could have comforted me when it was over. I just feel like I'm going through so much of this on my own. We just have such different ways of coping with things and I'm not sure he completely understands me yet. I know he wants kids, I know I want kids... and I'm failing at that. I'm the one failing, not him. I guess maybe that is the reason that it hits so much closer to home for me. I am the one having to go through all these procedures and take all these medicines while he gets to have sex. Doesn't really seem like a fair deal. Why do I have to be the one that is broken? I just wish he could understand things and see them from my perspective. I guess that is asking for a little to much though isn't it. Infertility can make a marriage stronger, and in some ways it has for us. It's just something that is difficult to go through especially where we have such different view points. He's almost like an outsider looking in whereas I have to live it each and every day.

1 comment:

  1. It makes it really hard when you aren't getting the support you need, especially when it's not coming from the one person who the support means the most coming from. I don't really know what you can do or say to get him to understand. I do, however, hope he will be able to have some kind of understanding soon. I would have gone to the u/s with you :-)


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