This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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Saturday, April 23, 2011

You Think You Know... But You Have No Idea.

A short vent. People tell me all the time that they know what I'm going through. That they know how I feel, that they understand my struggles, but most of the time they have no idea. They've never walked in my shoes or experienced what I've experienced. Most of the time I just want to tell them to shut up. I don't, but I desperately want to.

1. "I know what you're going through. We've gone almost a year without protection and we still aren't pregnant."

Good for you. It can take a healthy normal couple up to a year to get pregnant and that's with trying. Just not using protection is NOT trying to get pregnant. Monitoring your cycles, using OPKs, taking your temps every morning, THAT is TRYING to get pregnant. So NO... You don't know what I'm going through. Wait until you've been trying 2 years... have to take a handful of pills that make you sick everyday, and have to have a transvaginal wand stuck up your twat twice a month... then you MIGHT know what I'm going through.

2. "It took us 6 months of trying, I know what you're going through. It's really hard to wait."

6 months versus 2 years... yeah... not anywhere close. Avg. couple could take a year versus diagnosed as infertile.... yup.... still not close. Shut up before I break out my can of whoop-ass.

3. "I had a miscarriage too. I know how much it hurts and what your going through."

I'm not discounting that they too know the pain of losing a baby. They do, they understand that. But how long did it take them to conceive that child? Probably less than a year. Will they have another chance to get pregnant? Yep, probably and they will probably be pregnant within one year. Do I have that same luxury? No. I may never conceive again. That may have been my one chance. I think an infertility patient losing a baby is different than a woman that is not diagnosed with infertility.


  1. Aw Mary, I truly do not understand what you are going through at all. I do care, I just have no idea what it is like. That is why I generally don't say much about this subject.

    I worry about saying the wrong thing so I don't say anything at all. *hugs* As the saying goes, I'd rather people to assume I'm an idiot than to open my mouth and prove them right.

    But I'm always one to listen, even if I have no words to help, I'm glad to listen.

  2. I hate when people assume that because it took them or takes them more than a few months to conceive they know what I'm going through. I really hate when people tell me "oh, I understand, so-so is going through the same thing". Please tell me how so-so maybe experiencing the same thing (or maybe just not getting knocked up right away) means YOU understand? It doesn't!

    I totally agree on the miscarriage thing. I've never had one so I don't pretend to know what it's like. I made the comment to a follow infertile that someone who miscarries at 4 wks when they weren't trying is different than someone whose been TTC for years. She chewed me up because a miscarriage is a miscarriage & both are equally hard. No they're not! Both are hard & completely hardbreaking but I don't believe my cousin who oopsly got preg & found out at 3 weeks 1 day but miscarried 5 days later is the same as an infertile doing so. Call me heartless, call me stupid or insensitive but I fully believe that.


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