This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Today, tonight,... whichever... I feel totally and utterly defeated. I feel broken. I feel depressed. I feel worthless. I feel... horrible. I'm not trying to be a drama queen.... I'm just giving you the facts straight.

I'm so tired of hoping and trying... wishing on every star that one day my dream might come true. It all seems so futile, so hopeless, so... I don't know.

I know some people think that I've had the world handed to me on a silver platter... that "gee what does Mary know of suffering?" Think that if you will, it's not the truth.

I just need one sign... one little something, ANYTHING to keep me going. To make all this pain worth it because right now I'm not sure it is. I want to give up, throw in the towel, wash my dreams down the drain. I want to forget and walk away.

Hope by Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.


  1. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I definitely felt the same way this weekend. If only we could get a sign, something to tell us it'll be worth it. That it will lead to our dreams. I hope you feel better today or at least really soon. HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!

  2. One of my favorite quotes...

    "In the end its going to be okay, if its not okay, its not the end".

    Someday, you will hold that amazing beautiful wonderful baby in your arms, and you will know everything you went through was well worth it.

    Thats what I tell myself every time Im down.

    Big hugs girl<3


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