This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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Sunday, July 31, 2011

Last Ditch Effort

So I'm going to town today to pick up my last and final refill of Clomid. I am expecting AF this coming Friday based on my date of ovulation. There is just a teeny tiny chance that I could have gotten pregnant this month. I ovulated and got home within the same 24 hours. The chances are pretty narrow, but I guess we shall see. When I ovulated it hurt horribly bad... lol Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

I'm dreading the Clomid again because I know how sick it makes me. Thayer is dreading it because he knows my mood swings are only going to get that much worse. Thayer and I both agreed to give getting pregnant (and staying pregnant) one last shot before surgery and having to postpone TTC for 18+ months. It's hard to think about giving up my dream for that long. To know that there will be no hope of me becoming a mother all those months, but I guess in the end it will be worth it if we don't get pregnant in August. Then I can't help but be worried if we do get pregnant in August. I'm so scared of being pregnant again. I'm scared that another one of Thayer and I's babies will die.

So... here's to another month of Clomid... another month of mood swings, nausea, headaches, and hot flashes.

1 comment:

  1. Hi-- I was in a bad mood and googled "I hate Minot" and your blog came up. I hate Minot, too, which you probably guessed by now. But I did read a lot of the blog and wanted to tell you to hang in there. I had WLS in Bismarck last year, the vertical sleeve gastrectomy (doesn't give you lifetime malnutrition or dumping syndrome, less invasive. BC/BS ND covered it. Great surgeon, great experience, happy I did it.

    You remind me of the way I was in my 20s, with other people telling me I was oversensitive, getting hurt for opening up to the wrong people, making the mistake of thinking I could say whatever was on my mind. People just can't handle that. It's easier to try to become more aware of the danger signals about someone you might not want to trust with your feelings. Be selective. You don't want to throw your pearls before swine.

    Know this: you are a beautiful, genuine person just the you are and you deserve to be happy. Those people who made you feel bad about yourself were idiots--now that you know who to avoid, you're better off. Keep yourself emotionally safe, good luck with getting pregnant but don't let it rule your life. I can't get pregnant either. There's always adoption. It will take you a while to process everything and eventually you'll see what happens. When you're feeling down and want to smile, think about this: I went to a specialist in a major city, a nationally known medical center, and he said "you have a 2% chance of conceiving". It echoed in my head for days...2%...I told a friend and he said "you should wear that on a sign around your neck and go clubbing. it's a selling point--guys love that!" We both cracked up laughing and that was what I needed to do.

    So, thanks for hating Minot, take care, and good luck!



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