This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

Learn more about my Infertility Journey here:
3 years and counting

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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Jealousy?? Maybe... Maybe not.

"It’s not because you’re not happy for them, but it’s because they are living your dream right in front of you." (From this Blog Article)

This is one of the most amazing things I've read. It's hard... UNBELIEVEABLY difficult to hear of yet another person being pregnant. Honestly... it's not that I'm not happy for them... it is that my heart is breaking a little more for myself. Infertility is heartbreaking. Even that word doesn't truly accurately describe the feelings someone goes through on this long, winding, horrible rollar coaster. There are so many people that take getting pregnant for granted. That don't take care of themselves while their pregnant... are consumed with gaining weight or being fat, bloated etc. What I wouldn't give to still be pregnant? I would give everything to feel my baby move inside my stomach. I would be nearing 25 weeks... It doesn't seem like I said goodbye nearly 4 months ago.

Since the beginning of our marriage, Thayer and I have been through a lot. His father not "approving" of me... infertility, military life, miscarriage... the list goes on and on. This doesn't even get into the baggage he and I have individually from past relationships. Sometimes I think we're almost to the breaking point, then somehow we pull something out of our ass. I love him. I really do. We've gone through more in the first 3 years of our marriage than some couples go through in 10 or 15 years. Here we are... still together, trying to make it work... giving it all we have. <3

I've seen time and time again that no one else would put up with me. I'm blunt... honest... I tell people how it is. I tell people how I feel, whether they're going to like what I have to say or not. I'm not apologizing for it either. :)

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