O is for... OVULATION!

So... I think my ovaries are putting on their big girl panties and ovulating on their own again. No way of knowing if the egg was a good mature one, but hey... one step forward. We aren't trying this month... but we aren't not trying. By not trying I mean we aren't using birth control. The doctor wanted me to for another month because I was still having pain from the MC and I'm still having pain at times from it. I'll probably bring that up with my PCM Monday when I have an appointment before I go meet with the surgeon soon. Fun times. It really sucks to have a sharp stabbing pain whenever you reach your big "O." It only lasts a second... but still it kinda kills the mood ya know? 

I just wish I had a simple life with everything handed to me on a silver platter like some people. Wouldn't life be grand then? I wish I was like some people and could get pregnant the month I started trying... shoot if that would have happened I would have a child over a year old now.

People I know are getting knocked up left and right and it makes me jealous/envious and angry. I know life isn't fair... but damn. I put on a happy face and say all the right things, but inside I'm crying and heartbroken. I dread going to work... I dread going to different events because all people want to talk about is who's pregnant and blah blah blah. Really... I go to things to get away from these things, to get away from my life and my hardships. I think that's why I've become a hermit again. It's way easier to just stay at home than to go out and listen to it all the time and have to go to the bathroom to cry or make an ass out of myself in public.

I'm so sick of listening to people bitch about being pregnant. Get over it already. If you didn't want to get pregnant then there are things to protect against it. Yes, being pregnant makes you tired... it makes you nauseous... so on and so forth... but there are people that would LOVE LOVE LOVE to feel that way. When I was pregnant... every time I felt so tired I could drop after work it was a reminder that FINALLY I'm going to be a mom. Everytime I felt sick to my stomach or I bumped my boob on something and it hurt so bad I almost cried... I took it as a reminder that FINALLY I get to give my husband a child. So instead of bitching all the time... why don't you take it as a reminder that you have something growing inside you that some people would love to have.

I go Monday to meet with my PCM one more time before I meet with the surgeon. I gotta get med refills and a referral to a psychiatrist. They make you see a Psych before hand to make sure you're mentally prepared for the drastic lifestyle changes that you'll be undergoing and so that you're realistic in your expectations. If you don't pass your psych exam... that means no surgery for you. I'm sure I'll have no trouble meeting their standards.