Two Mother's Days

I'm celebrating two Mother's Days this year. Today is Babylost Mother's Day for all mommies who have lost their babies or children. Thayer is out in the field today watching water. Yes, he is literally watching water making sure it doesn't get in the ICBM silos. Today I get to remember our baby by myself. I get to grieve alone and cry all I want without feeling guilty. Sometimes I feel guilty for crying around Thayer because I know it makes him feel bad. I don't want to hurt him.... It's just a vicious circle I guess. Today I lit a candle for Baby Bean and placed it next the the Willow Tree Prayer Angel I got the day I started bleeding from my miscarriage. It is Bean's angel. I know he/she is up in heaven with all my family.

Thayer and I will also be celebrating the regular Mother's Day. We are going to celebrate our love and strength. We've been through so much in our marriage even outside of infertility and the miscarriage. We are celebrating the patience (and sometimes lack there of) in our quest to become parents. We are going to celebrate the love we have for our baby and the fact our love produced a miracle. Some may say we shouldn't celebrate Mother's and Father's day because we don't have a child on earth. My baby is in heaven and we love him/her just as much as any parent who has a child on earth.