So... as many of you who read what I post here regularly know... I found out last week that I was expecting. Tuesday morning I woke up at 5am to go to the bathroom only to find spots of dark brown blood. Scared, I called the clinic hotline and talked to one of there "advice" people who told me to go to the ER. I got dressed and went immediately in. They took 7 tubes of blood and did and U/S. I was discharged 3ish hours later with information about "threatened miscarriage" and put on bed rest. Things seemed to be going okay. The bleeding had pretty much stopped. I didn't have any cramping and it was all brown... until this morning when I started cramping like crazy and bleeding pretty bad. This morning Thayer and I said goodbye to our baby. My hopes and dreams were literally flushed down the toilet. I don't know if I've passed our little bean yet. I'm scared to know. I feel so bad knowing that that is where my baby is. I loved my baby so much. An unbelieveable love... unimaginable.... That is the baby I had been hoping and praying for, for 2 years only to be swept away. Did I do something wrong? Was I a bad mom? I know Thayer has reassured me time and time again that there is nothing I could have done. I took my vitamins, I ate extra healthy, I drank lots of water... I just feel so guilty... so sad. I want to talk about it... but when I do I start crying. I will write more when I can actually see the monitor though my tears.
Mary, my thoughts and prayers are with you! Keep your head up and mourn as you feel you need to. I lost a baby about 4 years ago but now we have a beautiful baby boy. It will happen for you too!
ReplyDeleteJennifer Marshall
Mary, you didn't do anything wrong. You have a strong support system and a lot of us have been or are right where you are now. I may have 2 children, but I've lost 19. You are still healthy and you have your husband and fur babies to get you through this. No matter where you turn, you will have someone to help you do it. Keep in mind that you are one step closer to having a baby than you were two weeks ago. Now you know you can get pregnant and you have been pregnant... now is the time to be strong and try again. It sounds crazy, but getting pregnant after a delivery or miscarriage is much easier than getting pregnant for the first time. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteMary, you and Thayer are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm deeply sadden by your loss and I hope you keep talking and mourn the loss of your little bean. You have plenty of friends and family around to support you in any way my dear friend. Stay strong and keep your head up one day you will be an amazing mother I know it will come.
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