This is a window into my life.... Infertility, Pregnancy Loss, Marriage, Weight Loss Surgery, and finally... a multiple pregnancy.

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3 years and counting

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Hot Mess *semi-graphic - you are warned*

Today I am a hot mess. I woke up sick as a dog. I got an appt. downtown with convienent care. I'm now on an anti-biotic and cough syrup with codine. Hopefully this respiratory infection gets better soon. While I was in town at the doctor I started cramping really bad. I hadn't cramped in a few days and the bleeding had all but stopped so I thought this whole miscarriage thing was coming to an end. The cramping and bleeding got pretty bad by the time I made it home after going by the lab to have my HCG level checked one last time. When I got home I laid down on the couch. I was in so much pain that I could barely breathe. I was miserable. I got up and went upstairs thinking that taking a shower and letting the warm water run over my back would help the cramping and that the steam would help my breathing. The cramping only got worse when I got upstairs. I sat down on the potty... things just felt wrong. After sitting there for a few minutes I finally passed the baby. I thought I had already passed it, seeing as this whole thing started 2 weeks ago and on the 17th I passed what I thought was the baby. I guess that was just a small clot, this was a lot bigger and I could tell looking at it that it wasn't just a clot, that it was something different and more than that. The cramping has subsided a lot since I passed the baby. I'm glad that there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. Today I feel like a mess. I just want to feel better. I want to put this behind me. I want to move on. I don't want to cry anymore.

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