I think that maybe, just maybe my miscarriage is hitting me differently than other women. I'm not saying that I'm in more or less pain, etc. I'm just saying that after enduring 2 years of trying... months of medicines that make me sick.... painful treatments to try and even get pregnant... that it might effect me a little differently. It's like a person tangling a piece of steak in front of a dog only to snatch it up and eat it himself. (I know... kind of a bad analogy, but you get the point). Most women will get pregnant again within a few months of trying... but me... what if it never happens again? What if that was my one and only chance and I failed? Miscarriage is hard no matter who is going through it. From the moment you see those 2 pink lines or read that word pregnant... you are in love... unimaginable love. You would do anything... ANYTHING to protect that baby. Until the night of my miscarriage I didn't realize how selfish I was being. For most of the day Thayer had acted like it didn't bother him... like he wasn't affected at all. Then we went to bed. I started talking and crying and he broke down and cried too. (He probably would shoot me if he knew I wrote that.) He was upset because 1. I was upset. and 2. He missed his baby too.
So for now... I'm allowed to be sad, angry, bitter, etc. Why? Because everyone grieves in their own way. For a moment I had a glimpse of heaven and it was taken from me.
One thing that does bother me, is I am just 1 of four women that I know up here that have lost their babies in the last month. Now... considering that the miscarriage rate is only 15%. I only know of one women that is having a normal pregnancy. To me... this seems way way way off.
Now I'm just back to the same old song and dance after waiting 2 months before trying again so my body can heal. Actually, our song and dance is going to be a bit different I hope... we shall see.