NO time to say hello. Good-bye. I'm late I'm late I'm late.
Okay... now that I have that out of my system back to business. So I has officially been 2 weeks since I ovulated. What does this mean? It simply means that my period is officially late. Now.. don't go jumping up and down and shouting for joy. In the life of a PCOS'er a late period means absolutely nothing. My periods have been effed up since I was 14. The only time I go more than a few month at a time having a normal cycle is when I'm in birth control. So... now the bigger question is... Am I or Am I not? Tomorrow I'm going to the base lab and having them draw blood. I'm not waiting around... I'm done waiting for answers. I'm not going to pee on a damn stick at home. If I do that I'll just think "Well, maybe it was a false negative, maybe I'm not far enough... blah blah blah." So... off to the clinic I go tomorrow to have them take my blood. I hope all my "symptoms" are due to something. My boobs (actually my nipples to be more exact... sorry if it's TMI) have been KILLING me since I ovulated. Normally, they hurt 3ish days or so after ovulation then they go back to being fine. I've never had breast/nipple pain before my period. Lets see... I've also had some clear discharge from my nipples... dunno what's up with that. My BBT (basal body temperature) has been elevated for at least a week now. This is supposed to be a symptom. Most of these are physical signs and can't be "just in my head." I guess I'll know soon enough. Until then I'll try to cross my fingers and not try to get too excited or sad. I haven't really had any pre-period symptoms... no cramping, PMS, etc. I did start breaking out a little the last couple days... but that can be a symptom of pregnancy and an Aunt Flo visit.
I was going to go to the lab today, but I didn't. I didn't want to be sad so I put it off for another day. I want to be happy these last few months I have in Minot. I don't want to be depressed or upset. I don't want to cry. I don't want to have to, once again, tell my husband that I'm a failure. I mean... if I can't even manage to get pregnant, does that mean I'll be a bad mom? I hate this rollarcoaster. After 2 years, I'm almost sick of trying... but I have to keep going because soon enough we won't have insurance that will cover fertility treatments at all (most insurances don't).
I hate that the lab as 72 hours to notify me of the results. Maybe since I'm getting there first thing in the morning (7:30) I won't have to wait that whole time! Oh... and I'm going to have to lie to the base lab as well because they won't do a test on you unless you're 2 or more weeks late... so I'm just going to pretend I am. Eff them and their bureaucratic bullshit.
Shush! You'll be an AMAZING mother!! You won't be like a lot of women who have regrets or take their child(ren) for granted. I can't think of anyone else that would be a better role model for a growing child.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a failure at all woman! Stop saying that!!! And you will be an amazing mom just wait and see.
ReplyDeleteThey have 72 hours, but the nurse called me as soon as she got my lab tests back.... only for that one though. They took their time on everything else. Infertility doesn't mean you'll be a bad mother, it just means you'll appreciate more what others take for granted.
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